Day 31. Woke up super late today, which usually means my sleep schedule is returning to normal which Iām grateful for. I cooked today which is rare for me but my family and I enjoyed it so Iām thinking I should cook more. I never had a good relationship with food (eating consistently is difficult for me) and I think I want change that. Other than that sobriety is making my āhead chatterā more apparent. Negative thoughts, those times people screwed me over, revenge thoughts, theyāre so exhausting. I remind myself I am not a victim nor am I a perpetratorā¦50 times a day 
But you gotta put in the work, right? Happy Weekend to all. 
The only thing that is certain is change. It will come. One foot in front of the other friend 
Today was a wonderful day, but that just changed big time.
Good stuff
My stepdad was doing better, so that was great.
Also went to a restaurant with my dad. It was a lot of fun to just be around him without him yelling at me and without bringing up the past constantly. They had great food and great service. We left around 8 pm. I was going to send my mom a text that we were done so she could pick me up, but he asked me to have a short ride on his motorbike with him. At first, I wanted to say now because I was kinda scared but eventually decided to go with him. It was a short ride, so that was dissapointing. He said I should text my mom unless I wanted to do ride some more. Not hard to imagine which I chose. We ended up going to his house and we just chatted enjoying the presence of each other. At 11 PM my mom sent me a text because she was worried so we decided to go to the McDonalds for her to pick me up there. He ended up buying me a big banana milkshake. He quickly left when my mom arrived since he canāt see her without becoming an emotional wreck and he is not the kind of person who likes ānegativeā emotions.
Sad stuff
In the car, my mom told me that my stepdad his situation had worsened again. This time worse than ever before. He is even more likely to die now. Despite the break, my mom and I will see him tomorrow. He told my mom in a spoken message, while crying, that he feels very guilty for being selfish. I donāt want him to die with that guilt. I donāt want him to die thinking I dislike him. I donāt want him to die with our last interaction being somewhat negative. I would probably relapse from the pain and the guilt. My life has been too bumpy lately.
Currently still standing, struggling but standing.
I hope not to make a relapse thread tomorrow, this time I canāt say that I donāt expect to.
For those wondering why I wasnāt as emotional about the same matter yesterday, Itās because I refused to think about him dyingā¦
Aww Iām praying for u to, taco bell though lol. Always something ahaaha, hopefully that omlet turned out ok
Hey Crazy_Dutchy, I just want to say you have such great depth and perception, I really admire that. Iām so sorry about your step-dad, I can only imagine the pain youāre experiencing. Iām sure he would immensely appreciate clearing the air with him (Edit: If possible). And relapse or not, weāre here for you. 
Just a quick check in: Iāve been battling all afternoon romancing the idea of drinking tonight. It was very vivid. My gf working for the night and thatās an usual setup for me drinking. Instead, when she left I went right to the gym, quite far from my place. Iāve killed that workout and it killed me (thanks crossfit). Heading back home fantasizing about what Iāll eat. Any ideas? Iāll enjoy a good drive back home and straight back to my couch without stopping anywhere. Thatās the end of day 11, I havenāt realized it was 10 yesterday.
Probably going back later to chill on a Friday thread here. Need new focus on relax and cozy night.
Good Friday everyone 
Checking in on day 1024. #I 
recovery
Almost my birthday numbers; 01/23ā¦, 2301, 1023, lol
Wow I didnāt know that cool cool. I guess Iāve eat in it too much haahahaha
This made laugh itās so true. Congratulations on your success. 
Maybe your daughters doctors office can fax it. I donāt understand why people still fax!
Congratulations on 500!!! And good for you putting that out there for all to read and see. It shows your dedication and will to stay sober. Very brave. Awesome work!!
day 3 for me. Iām going for a bike ride. Normally Iād do that pretty buzzed but Iām liking the current sober feeling. I may eat a little more thoā:carrot:
112 days today! I canāt believe Iāve made it this far, to be honest! Thanks everyone for your continuous support and encouragement! Couldnāt do it without you guys!
Day 155~ Iāll leave it as Iāve had better days. This morning was a real low point but I was able to manage and work through it. This shit aināt easy but itās worth it and that I know. Iām thankful for the relationships I have made and can honestly say without them today could have turned out differently. No matter how bad it seems it always gets better. You have to want itā¦ you have to fight. 
Day 16 no cigarettes
Day 5 no alcohol
3.5 mile walk 
ā¦i have some fears about the weekendā¦iām going to try to find some inner stillness and push away destructive thought patterns which will take practice and patienceā¦ i hope we can all have a restful sober weekend 
I ended up going to staples and it cost $42 for 25 pages. I was floored by the amount. The fact that our government is still using faxes is unbelievable.
Omg you are kidding me?!! Thatās insane. Smh 
Iām glad you were able to get them sentā¦ but thatās crazy!