Teej that’s almost a year 
You show me what I need to do: check my macros!
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Woooow congratulations on 1 year! Amazing hard work 
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Check out, family drama.
Had an awesome day with my family, we went to a park and a castle and did some shopping. The sun came out, we found a lot of lovely snacks we brought home and I was just about to put myself in the bathtub with a facial mask followed by some pedicure.
But out of nowhere I got a messenger message I was certain I was well hidden on Facebook but apparently I wasn’t.
The message was from my ex former girlfriend, they’re having a boy together who just turned 5. She lives like 1,5 hours from our house. And has charged my ex for rape and domestic violence in the past. I know he never wanted that boy and was forced by law to sign the papers stating he is the father. That was five years ago, five years without my ex having any contact with his boy.
Now the mother have heard about his other charges and wanted to check with me if everything was Okey with my 10 y/o so he wasn’t involved. Very kind of her, but she also wanted the boys to meet, to get to know eachother because that might be the only contact they’ll ever get with their fathers side of the family.
Her boy is having adhd and my 10 y/o is high function autistic with Tourettes so I’m not sure that’s a brilliant idea. But I’m feeling obligated to go for it anyway. After all they are brothers even if they never met.
So I got from a pretty good day to feeling like the worst Mom ever. Once again it’s time to sleep and once again I’m afraid to sleep, with even more anxiety than I had before.
Goodnight, over and out (yes I know it’s just a made up movie phrase but it kinda fitted pretty good)
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237 days I think.
Today was a shitty day. I am draining my motiviation through Netflix. Fuck it I’m gonna delete my account this very moment. I don’t want to waste my 237 days because “I’m not ready yet”. That’s fucking bullshit.
Deleted it. This is the start of me taking recovery more serious again. I will not even watch cable.
0,01 days no Netflix. It seems like nothing, but it’s a start
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@anon28001181 Yes the mental aspect is much worse than the physical for me too. Wallowing is what I would like to do but I think I’m at a point where I see the danger in it. Thanks for you kind words. 
@siand I understand. Unfortunately for me remembering those moments when I’m down is tricky. No doubt though that each relapse strengthens my resolve.
@Chiron Haha I can understand that sentiment. But any effort to show love is something I appreciate so thank you.
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Yea it is tricky. I found that reading here and also writing out the reasons I wanted to stop drinking (and doing that often) helped me to reinforce that. I also found This Naked Mind helpful to better understand that cognitive dissonance and start to close that gap between what I wanted to do and what I actually ended up doing.
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Thank you 
I think I’m more venting than looking for advice. It’s just annoying to live in a live soap opera most of the time 
Th urge to take just about anything to keep reality away is slowly fading, so that’s a good thing I guess. Don’t know what next phase or next step will be but I’m going to do my best to stay sober from it all 
Thank you once again for your kind words and support
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Day 3
I’ve always been a morning person. At least I was until I started drinking heavily which I then traded in for a drug habit because I simply enjoyed the feeling better. Now, without a job and without school (I am taking the fall off), I find myself staying up until I can barely stay awake, then sleeping late into the day like a defiant teenager on the weekend.
This has not been helped by giving in to my unbridled caffeine habit. I’d gotten off all caffeine for about three months, but then recently I threw that off to the wind and decided to pick it back up again. However, I’ve been using the extra energy to fuel my workouts and be domestic. I’m honestly grateful every day that I never allowed myself to use any other stimulants besides caffeine. If I can’t keep control on caffeine, I’m not sure how much success I’d have with other stimulants.
I’m still in the halo of my last relapse of my DoC though. It’s on my mind constantly. I know that will dim over time, but I do what I can to keep my brain busy and focused on something else. Part of me just wants the day to be over so that I can sleep and get away from myself. I continuously look at the clock, as if it really mattered because once I start to get tired at night, I push to stay awake because the other part of me doesn’t want to play nightmare roulette.
Edits for typos
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That tall building in the middle behind wework is BOA 
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Maybe you can try and sort it out? Write down what about it that makes you anxious and why and try to find a solution to feel better. Maybe it’ll help if you’re setting up like a saving goal? I want to save x amount of money every month to go on vacation, by a new car or what it might be? Even if you don’t need it instantly it might help your brain into a different kind of thinking?
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This.
Lately, I haven’t felt like wanting to do things, so I don’t. I remember when I’d feel pressured into giving someone something or doing something I have no desire to do just because I was too afraid to say no or didn’t want to upset someone. Now it’s like… NO
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Not silly at all! I can relate. I’ve done this before too. I’m working on not having expectations because sometimes mine are just too big and I just get hurt or pissed off and lash out or withdraw. I mean I think I should have some but honestly people have let me down so many times I got sick of getting hurt or being disappointed. It’s hard though. Hang in there and don’t be too hard on your friend they probably have no clue what is going on inside your head. Maybe try having a heart to heart and explaining a bit. I dunno 
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@CapriciousCapricorn that is beautiful and it looks very peaceful.
@Apes2020 The fact that you’re able to recognize the behavior patterns and link them back to your thought patterns really says a lot. It’s a big deal. A lot of people aren’t that self aware. Major props to you. Also, about your post about spending, maybe part of your mind is still looking for an extra rush of dopamine, and if you enjoy spending, maybe you feel anxious because your brain is like, “spend! It will make you happy!” and you’re denying it that by choosing not to spend frivolously. I don’t know if that’s actually the case, but it’s just a thought.
@Desire2ChangeToday Good for you! It’s so important to be able to say no when something doesn’t work for you.
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Checking in day 184.
Without my phone for the last 84 days damn. Finished my treatment program and moved into one of their sober living houses. A new chapter in a new place. Looking to stay in the present moment and start to live my best life.
To all the TS people who’s milestones I’ve missed over the last 11 weeks congratulations. Sending out 
&
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6 months sober/clean💪
This is my 2nd time that I have made it this long sober. First time was about 4 years ago which was pretty easy. This time around it’s not but I’m making it happen
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Way to go! Congrats on 60 days, keep on stacking them days ODAAT.
Blessings and sobriety!
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Thanks! 
its 6 months btw
Oops, these smartphones!
Congrats on 6 months, keep on keeping on ODAAT!
Blessings and sobriety!
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