I think that way sometimes but then i realize that I’m grateful that they don’t understand the fight, they are not addicts. Ditto on being grateful for this app!
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Congrats on 11 months Lisa! You have come far, big changes happen slowly like drifting out to sea. Yay for your husband quitting drinking, let’s hope it sticks!
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It’s the BDP part of your brain talking to you Jenna. Making you feel you’re not worthy to be here or anywhere. We try to do it all ourselves but we will fail because nobody can do it all alone. Therefore and thereafter disliking and hating ourselves. You know what’s good for you, for us.We gotta work on it. Hard. Progress is f*cking slow. Keep working Jenna. One day at a time You’re worth it. Big hugs and love.
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Day 5. Yipee! Slept great last night. The strange thing is that I awoke suddenly at 6:30am and for whatever reason my first thought was “Omg, who did I text last night, what did I say? Did I get in a fight with my ex?” And then I realized, I didnt drink last night and what an immense sense of peace and relief came over me. I fell asleep listening to the audiobook Alcohol is Sh*t by Paul Churchill (awesome book by the way). So instead of anxiety and the deep pit in my stomach that felt like impending doom, I feel happy and ready to tackle the day. Full steam ahead with sobriety!!
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Day 4!
Wow! Haven’t seen 4 days in quite a while 
I just want to thank those that responded to my post yesterday about my worry of relapsing. It feels so good to know that others care 
love you all! So… (kind of going along with my post from yesterday)… I bake and decorate fresh custom cakes as a side hustle. And last night I got an inquiry for a cake I always ask for a deposit to hold their date and to be able to get the ingredients I need. She was going to send me the whole $120 initially (which created anxiety and got my addict brain turning)… but after some discussion with her hubby she sent me $60 (50% deposit). Now $60 isn’t nearly enough to get my DOC so I was relieved. I instead bought some food with the portion that was my profit and then went to bed having a good night’s rest. Woke up this morning feeling fantastic to see day #4 on my phone. It feels like it’s been forever tho since I used… but 4 days is huge. Anyway, I thanked the Creator for providing me with money that I needed to survive but also for not giving me too much to handle. Today I will be keeping busy with laundry (fun 
) and shopping for cake supplies. Hope everyone has a fantastic day/night!
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Checking in sober and cigarette free 
… the back to work anxiety is setting in 
the anticipation is usually the worst part. Hopefully over more time sobriety will help decrease my overall anxiety… just wish it would change now cause anxiety really sucks. Hope everyone is doing well 
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Back again on Day 1 
Had to call into work. Made a doctor’s appointment for Friday to try and get some medicine to help. I have to get off this elevator and get sober!!
Going to tell some other people in my life what is going on and praying they will be supportive and help me.
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Hi and thank you. Yeah here too, 115 has been the daily temp for awhile now but that’s the norm this time of year. Hopefully you’ll not have to experience the fires and I guess the blackouts are just part of life out there, which I would think really sucks…hopefully the heat will end soon, fires will go out, covid will go away and life can get back to normal…
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Day 9. I’m ready.
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Oh @Jennajen
I wish you didn’t feel that way about yourself. I don’t know what you’re going through. I am sure though that your feelings about yourself are real. I wish I could just give you a long hug maybe a virtual 
and reassure you. God loves you. You’re good enough for him. We are all good enough for him. He’s got your back. We all love you. I love you. As a matter of fact I think your pretty special. I look forward to seeing you and @Natnat every morning.
My son has BPD. And I prayed my ass off for him and God answered my prayers. I still got a little ass left and I’m gonna use what’s left praying to God for you. 
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Day 6 today and really connecting to other ladies has helped me so much… I really struggle with making friends I always seem to back off as soon as someone is friendly to me or I worry that I find it hard to meet up with people because my days off work I like being at home with my daughter or visiting my parents my son only gets 1 day a week off and comes home so I never seem to go out … I think I spent so many years in addiction I feel guilty if I do anything outside of my family and tbh I love being with them … but I’m trying my best to call a couple of ladies and break the habit of having no friends… I’m meeting a lady tomorrow who has offered to help me with my steps as my other sponsor dumped me when I relapsed! I can’t afford to relapse again my mental health gets worse every time I use and I get terrified I’ll end up killing myself this is the truth of how far addiction has got me … the only way is up from now on … I will win this battle and will find a way to live in peace. Happy Wednesday to you all x
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HUGS
These downhills suck but that’s not all there is. The way you feel and think about yourself in a better season is very true. It hasn’t gone away even when you’re feeling low.
On Tuesday Zoom I was thinking (and I should learn to speak this stuff out too ) how much I admire your courage and insight. You’re so much fun to chat with!! And I do find you very pretty 
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Day 68 clean and sober. Feeling a lot more balanced emotionally after having my meds increased. Have a wonderful day everyone!!! 
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im staying sober for myself and my higher power
also because if you look at my past you will find a trail of boken laws and pieces of wrecked cars
so yeah… pretty much 
so i thank you all for the ongoing supporte and friendships
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Big Hugs Natalie. Know that so many of us are rooting for you 
I can totally relate to your post. Please keep us updated. 
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@jenna maybe it’s the P.A.W.S kicking in??? You’re right around 60 days and I know I just came out of a really bad depression around day 65 so it could be your mind and body healing. That’s what the counselors here told me. Aside from that you’ve always been kind to me and everyone else here you’re an amazing woman and you’re SO F***ING GORGEOUS!!! This will pass Jenna I promise, stay strong!
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Breakups are never good… but clearly, from your 221 days, you’re a strong guy.
You can handle it… and it’s better to handle it sober, don’t you think ?
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Hey Jenna; try not to sit in that funk too long… I totally know what it feels like; some days I don’t even look in a mirror or at my body that changes without notice, lol.
You truly are beautiful; I’m not just saying that… you have a beauty that resonates also from inside, through your eyes. Treat yourself as you would a friend who was feeling like this. Feel it, but know it’s not true. 
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Thankyou cate. It seems like the illness wants me dead… but my head will still lie to me and I’ll use … I’m forever greatful to you and so many others for being part of my journey. I’m determined to stay clean and I’m willing to go to any lengths for my recovery x
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