If you are seeing therapists and working on it, there will be less and less of these days, when you hate yourself, just give it some time. I also had a lot of days like this and still have. It’s good to know, that it is part of this period of my life, so I’m already not surprised by them, I’m familiar with these days and feelings, so they have less and less impact on my other days and on my general self esteem. Try to survive this day, not listening to your harmful thoughts, and soon it will be better. About your kids: don’t be too hard on yourself, being a parent doesn’t mean that you can’t have bad days or even months. They can be demanding, but it doesn’t mean anything, that’s the way they are.
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I don’t post daily in this thread but today I’m checking in on day 110 of sobriety. I’m feeling motivated and excited to live another sober day.
I’m feeling grateful for everyone here and this awesome community that feels like a second family. Cheers everyone, I hope everybody has a great day.
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Congrats!!! I know how good that feels, and I hope you are so proud of yourself. We all are! Keep riding that wave and working hard!
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Congratulations on your days! I am so grateful for your presence here and your thoughtful contributions. Keep rocking it! 
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Thank you Rosa that means a lot! 
That’s fantastic. How’d you get the cool font?
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Day 1 sober. Dead tired. I had a meeting and that was helpful. Never give up, although I feel the weight of years upon my shoulders
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Awesome! Well done. 
Keep it up! Congratulations on your day 1! I know there’s a lot of weight on you, but with time, you’ll be able to deal with those issues. For right now, concentrate on day 2, and having the best day possible.
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Day 6. A week ago tonight, I got blackout drunk and ruined a friendship and realized I couldn’t keep drinking like it was a solution for anything. Tonight, I will attend a meeting after work and then take my dog for a long walk.
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Glad to see you checking in and getting to meetings. 
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Lovely stuff 
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Ugh me too! I love it all. It was bad before but now that I have quit drinking I just crave it all the time. Maybe we can try and keep each other accountable!
Glad your daughter is okay! I know what you mean about the free time. I used to spend every weekend when I was off work drunk. Morning till I passed out. I want new hobbies but it’s hard with most things closed and social distancing. Sounds like you found some good ways to keep busy though. I’m happy to see that!
Day 25: (Sorry long post ahead) Having a great morning. Did I just say that?!? Got up and took a shower. My husband was like, “who are you and what have you done with my wife?” Hilarious. But I don’t remember the last time I did that. Feeling some fog lifting, understanding that I must use this time to write a relapse prevention/recovery action plan and follow it. Both for depression and for booze.
Yesterday’s quiet moments and last night’s late night thoughts (Was up late but I did finally sleep):
- Keeping busy is good, but I have used it in the past to distract from cravings or thinking about drinking rather than confronting those thoughts and doing something about it, doing the work of recovery. Time to change that.
- I hide from hard truths. About myself, about my circumstances, about my relationships. Time to change that.
- I have a low self-esteem that is rooted in a lack of sense of purpose and sense of self. I keep going back to my favorite quote from the movie I <3 Huckabees, “How am I not myself?” I think this is related to my ideas of what my role is in my marriage. Time to change that.
I found some pretty great resources to start working on myself and my plan and realize now that this is my full-time job. I have the time and space to do it, so what am I waiting for?!? Today is going to be all about continuing that process. I’m grateful for some renewed clarity - a lot of these are not new thoughts, a lot is rehashing but I’ve never really DONE anything about it. I tend to get stuck in my own mind and contemplation and don’t act on any of it. Time to change that.
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