Thank you Chris @Hidden 
your words mean a lot
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Alright Hazy?
What’s the problem?
I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
Day 43
Zoom meeting with the project group in 30 mins.
And I’m so pleased to have the house for myself again, I can play music whenever I want. And do things as I usually does them without having to care or worry about anyone else. Me who actually hate routines and could live just about anywhere. It’s funny, but I think the basic need of being free is what makes it important. I might do things just the same a lot of times anyway, but I want the freedom to do it my way, or just the opposite way the days I want to. Without caring about anyone else or be judged by them. I’m still totally exhausted from having annoying guests here that long and I swear that it’ll never happened again. I’ll help whenever I can but I have to step it up and stop helping on the cost of my own comfort level. Sounds harsh but If I want to feel good there’s not much of a choice.
So now to the family and friends update.
My nephews birthday is coming up, my brother have invited all the family members different days because of the Covid-19 outbreak. My family is invited together with my sister and her hubby (the one who stopped drinking eventually) my brother planed it the way that my sister was going to pick us up and not bring her husband, because my brother doesn’t like him. She’s bringing her husband ofc and because of that there’s one place short in the car so my husband can’t come. He probably wouldn’t anyway because he’s working double shifts this week, but we didn’t had the time to say that before they started fighting over it. My brother and my husband likes each other a lot so I think it’s mostly my brother who thinks it’s a problem.
My old childhood friend, the guy who turned his back at me when I stopped drinking and eventually started with drugs is going to move to my village. He just got a contract for an apparent here last week. He’ll live within walking distance and our boys will be in the same school. He’s back together with the lady he was breaking up with this summer, and they are moving here together. And in the middle of November he’s going to start working with my husband again so my husband will be sleeping at home again like “normal” people. And I’ll get a girlfriend to go and have Fika with. It’s nice, but for what I know my friend is still doing drugs even if he claims he stopped drinking. So it’s a little worrying at the same time. I’ve distanced myself a lot from him but we’ve always been close and now when he’s living that close again I’m worried that we might drag each other down like we’ve done in the past.
The friend who borrowed money seems to be getting on right track, he was here picking my husband up for work yesterday and once again assured me that he’ll return the money within a two weeks. I believe that when I see it, but I’m glad he seems to be getting his shit together once again and hopefully he stays that way.
Thanksgiving and Halloween parties is on hold for now, so the argument about inviting my aunt is on hold as well I guess. Besides that my teen and my cousin had a fight, my teen turns 18 in February and doesn’t want a party she wants to go abroad if that’s possible, with only us her closest family and her boyfriend. My cousin have been looking forward to attending the party and is a little bit of an extreme planner so she’d already planned half of it 
well see how it ends. Hopefully this Covid-19 think is slowly fading so we’re hoping for being able to celebrate Christmas in Spain and borrowing my husband’s boss house by the ocean. And in that case we’re bringing the teens boyfriend as well (He counts as family now) and celebrates her birthday early the way she wants it, so she can have her party the way family wants it.
Happy Monday everyone 
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Really not good this morning. Im low slightly angry and am about to relapse. The cravings today are off the charts! 12 days in Sobriety and 10 for smoking and i just feel like i NEED a drink!!! 
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It’s the addicted part of your brain that’s panicking. Addiction sees its grip on you weaken. Don’t give in! Good you are here. We got you. Together we are strong. You can beat this. One day, one hour, one minute at a time. Also your anger makes me think of HALT. Know it?
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Hi. No i dont but makes sense! I know today is going to be one of those days where I have to make choice. Relapse and feel crap and even worse afterwards or struggle through and hope i feel better later or tomorrow!
Im so close to just breaking down.
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Honestly you are stronger than you think. You already know what would happen if you gave in. It’s a struggle and a fight but it a struggle worth fighting! Keep yourself occupied by other stuff. Like reading and posting and commenting and talking here. You are doing good friend. Stay with us.
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Thanks! Im about to go to the gym. Ill post after. God bless
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Don’t go doing anything silly.
You’ve already said it yourself
So make the right choice.
It’s that easy, but it damn hard to stop ourselves from doing it.
Been there, done that.
At times like this, we have to dig down a little deeper into the store of strength and courage that we all have inside us.
All we need to do is to learn that we can do anything if we simply put our minds in gear and go!!
Keep reaching out bud. 12 days is not to be sniffed at at all.
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F**k that!!! I’d of been crying before I got in the house not a chance!!!
It sounds like you had a great time and a memory made with your daughter is perfect!
Still got no chance of me ever going into any horror house themed stuff…
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Ha! Same here. I jump when toast pops sometimes
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Haha, me too! I call my husband a ninja because he startles me all the time without even trying. @Lisa07 @anon27760155 I do, however LOOOOVE scaring myself at haunted houses and watching scary movies! As long as they aren’t too gory.
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Checking in this Thanksgiving Monday. Glad I’m off today… got hubby breakfast and he’s off to work; I’m back under the covers drinking my coffee listening to little man chatter upstairs as he waits for me to get him up for the day.
I survived the Thanksgiving supper last night at in laws. Only offered drinks once which was nice instead of being pushed a lot. I am so very grateful for so much, but despite trying to stay focused on gratitude, I was fighting back tears much of the time. That feeling of getting a headache from holding back tears. And the lump in your throat when I swallowed my mashed potatoes. Just miss my parents so damn much. This was my first Thanksgiving with both of them gone, as they’ve both passed away. Dad’s one year anniversary of his death is approaching. So I think I was just really missing them. Lots of memories of them. And I was so very tired of virus & politics talk. Ugh.
Anyways. Made it through. Sorry for whining lol. Might take little man for a pumpkin today. Outdoor adventures. I plan to check in more; my numbers are not where I want them so I need to do something about that. Bonus of a day off, is I can make a morning meeting that I love, that I have been missing during the week as I’m commuting to work those days. Hope you have a fantastic day, all. Happy Thanksgiving from this Canadian 
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Don’t think about the possibility of relapsing. This way you let it into your mind.
Do you have any favorite movie with an enemy in it? Sure. That enemy is your addiction, and it has many henchmen, the cravings, which try to bewitch you. These are your demons. Now picture, how you defeat them! Like the main character in the movie. Picture how you triumph over them. Picture yourself strong and powerful. You have done 12 days, so don’t say you aren’t tough. Be the hero in your movie and knock them out! You are strong, you can do it!
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That feeling is hard because it’s only you who has the grief feeling around the table and your on you own and yet you carried on, you even ventured out to your inlaws a big step. You not just experience such a raw emotion with that day, you pushed your feeling aside a selfless act. You are a strong woman and know that your parents were proud of you!
Its good that you’ve opened up as well meaning those emotions are being released and your allowed that.
Enjoy your day with your boy and know your parents are always around you x
Sending you a virtual hug and as always kind thoughts you deserve them X
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Definitely writing this on my white board, love it.
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Checking in today on day 120 and feeling proud. 4 months into my sober journey and building my new, alcohol-free, life.
Like I always say, I mostly am posting this to say thank you to everyone here for the support and advice. I read so many posts on here each day that I don’t respond too; there are many of you who help me with your stories and advice without ever knowing it.
I am more motivated now than I was on day 1 because I have truly seen the benefits of sobriety. I also have more tools in my sober toolbox than I did when I first started and was struggling for each day. It’s certainly not easy but I have finaly learned that my only option in life is sobriety and there’s no going back.
Thank you guys again for helping me get to this small milestone! I am cautiously proud and looking forward to many more of these posts in the future.
Have a great day everybody 
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Thanks man. That hit good, and helps alot. I appreciate your words
Thank you, means alot