Day 3 checking in.First day back at work 
for a good day 
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Thank you for this - I needed to hear this nugget of truth today.
Sometimes I am my own worst competitor, and when I get over my tendency to compare myself and judge myself against others, I compete with myself. Numbers are a really concrete measurement that can feel like itās tied to self-worth. I will add your words to my list of mantras, āItās the growth inside that matters most.ā
@Salty, sending hugs and big love your way. Losing loved ones to illness is traumatic, especially when it is sudden. Losing each of my grandparents was difficult each in their own way. My paternal grandpa was a best friend, a pen pal, my quiet giant, and because I call my dad āPapi,ā I always called my g-pa āDad.ā Losing Dad to brain cancer when I was a teenager was the hardest thing, I still grieve and cry at times, and thatās okay because it is big love. We feel the loss deeply because we love deeply, and it is a beautiful treasure. It hurts, but itās part of us and even though I curse my strong emotions at times, I wouldnāt want it any other way. I am so glad you checked in here today. HUGS to my fellow super emotional sister!
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Holy wah! You know it! 
focusing on whatās right in front of me
That saved my sanity in early days. I was panicked about the future and full of shame and remorse about my past. Doing what I could do in a day and only that helped get my feet under me and calmed my frayed nerves.
Excellent that you have gotten this far, keep stacking days!
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Checking in, day 45. After a long break today I continued my convict conditioning workouts. It was so cool, I finally feel alive, fatigue feels so good. I will do it at least in every two days, I need it both physically and mentally, it really improves my relationship with my body. Obviously I never liked my body, but destroying it didnāt help a bit, that was just a dead end. I just have to accept it and try to change whatās possible. If I care about my body, it will be on my side, it will be backing my work. This is the only way out.
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Day 51: Some good news - I have made an appointment for new patient intake on Jan. 4 with a doctorās office in my network! I am on a waiting list at a different clinic if something opens up sooner, but it is out-of-network. Which means paying more. First doc says they reserve the right to cancel/reschedule based on pandemic circumstances. It bothers me that they have to say that, but I suppose thatās life right now. I also will be calling back every few weeks to check in and see if it canāt be bumped up sooner. I have fallen through the cracks too many times in the system. My paranoid mind tells me there is some sneaky reason they are scheduling me after the first of the yearā¦(shut up, suspicious brain!) Weāll see what happens.
I feel some kind of way about my check in yesterday. Itās good to let out emotion and frustration in a safe place, and I am glad I can do that here, but I also have some shame about it to unpack. Itās on my mind today. Otherwise, today is better, yesterday got better, too, and I ended up taking an almost 3 hour nap in the afternoon. I guess I needed the rest, and I do know that being in pain is exhausting, physically and mentally. I am sore from the hour on the treadmill yesterday, but I can identify that pain and it feels good! Still gotta lay off the hands, but I am relearning how to slow the eff down and not have to be busy all the time. Another coping skill in early recovery is staying busy, which can translate into not doing the recovery work (at least for me), so I am focusing back on the reading (doesnāt hurt my hands to read!), meditating, enjoying the 50 degree day with sunshine, even just to feel it on my face, and just BEING today. When I first started posting on TS earlier this year, I always included a couple few daily gratitude mentions, and I would like to start again. Today I am grateful for:
- 51 days sober
- My 10+ years friend and sobriety and wellness accountability buddy Kayla (we have started a weekly weigh-in and are using a workout app together, plus we got back to texting each other everyday)
- Recognizing I need to and that I have the ability to SLOW THE EFF DOWN!
Sending big love out to you all.
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Semi-lockdown just anonced. No, wait. Hairdresser can stay open 
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Hellloooo my loveliesā¦
Operation has been a success Iām still alive.
Iām not gonna stay on long as I feel pretty 
.
But I have to post Iām on day 88.
I hope you are all doing well in this wonderful journey we are all on!
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Hooray! Heal up, and happy 88 - fun number!
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Taking things day by day. Realizing I donāt wanna get of the path Iām on now. My own!
Iām seeing a therapist tomorrow for the first time so i hope thereās some healing in that.
Iām talking a little more to my ex girlfriend than before. Not just about the house anymore. About other things. I donāt know how i (should?) feel about that.
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Iām glad it went well. Have rest and heal, we will wait for you!
Get well soon 
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Thank you for the kudos!
@Jonachav123 I canāt say for sure since I donāt know your situation. Whatever you are feeling isnāt wrong. I will pray for you guys. If itās meant to be then God will work it out. Either way itās clear that you love her. Keep putting in the work, praying and when the time is right
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Nice to see your on day 3, keep your wits about you today bc that day 3 can be a bastard. You got this 
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What a relief! I was hoping youād check in and let us know surgery went well @anon27760155. Now go rest up. Wishing you a speedy and healthy recovery. 
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@Dazercat Massive congrats on your 300! 
@anon27760155 Pleased to hear the op went well, I hope your recovery goes smoothly
47 days.
Had my snood, beanie, and gloves on for my walks today, make a lot of difference. Itās much harder to motivate myself to get outside when itās like this, but Iām just refusing to listen to any of my excuses and just sucking it up!
Feeling a little stressed and down, I feel like my cats is suffering, and it will take a few months to save for the surgery he needs. I called the vets today to ask if they would consider doing it on a payment plan, they said I have to call back after 9am tomorrow and ask to speak to the manager, I have prayed that he will be compassionate and come to an arrangement. Itās so stressful to think one of my babies is in pain, and the sooner I can get him booked in the better it will be for us both.
I paid for lifetime access to a trauma super conference back in early summer, and I listened to the first presentation after my walk this morning, I am going to add this in as part of my morning routine.
Having some food cravings this week, but have managed to resist so far. Canāt risk restarting the binge-eating cycle again, doing too well with my weight-loss for that 
Proud of you all
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You pulled thru! Yay! Wishing you speedy recovery 
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