Well don’t blame yourself bc I also sent her a message saying I thought this and that maybe she wasn’t half the women I thought she was. 
, what a pair. Iiteraly 
.
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Fab numbers, you’re doing great, had to smile!
Blessings and sobriety!
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the devil’s In the details, great sober days. Well done 
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Morning, it’s nice to be able to say that for a change. Have yourself the day I know you deserve 
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Hi! Thanks paul, the day’s really looking up so far, being sober makes me believe I deserve it. 
Blessings and sobriety!
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I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
Day 47.
At least I think I’m a live, this week has been hard, tge research project in school is like a freaking energy eating black hole.
One of our group members dropped out of school last week in the middle of the project, one other is about to drop out right after the project and is almost not present at all. We’ve got a new group member who has no freaking clue of what we’re doing. Yesterday we had two interviews and one group meeting. I’m the only one who can transcribe so it took me about a good 10 hours to have both transcripts done yesterday. I finished them both at 00:15 yesterday. Or today depending pn how you’re counting. And in 20 minutes it’s time for another zoom meetings to collect all the data for the project we’re going to present on Monday. My brain is snowmash, the speed on this project has been extreme, and I’ll make the University very aware of that when the project is done and my grade is secured.
TGIF. My brother comes with my nephew to celebrate tomorrow, so when today’s work is done I’ve got a 1 year old birthday party to plan.
Today’s tarot card was death, it’s not as bad as it sounds but it means big changes are coming up. Right after I pulled that card I got a text from my uncle sending everyone a regard, I had to call him to check up on him, but luckily he was just in the mood to say Hello and tell us that he missed us. We usually gathered pretty often before but now we haven’t seen each other since Corona started. He’s heavy on the drinking to so to be honest I’ve tried a little bit to avoid him.
Still longing back to church and have planned a visit at the UPC (United Pentecostal Church) ss soon as we’re allowed to go back to US again. There’s no point in turning to my old church here, I’m probably banned for life, and I wouldn’t want to expose my family to the mess it might make. Need to figure out what makes me want to go back so bad, and why now I don’t like this feeling and I didn’t even know that I had it.
Well time for some PSL (Pumpkin spiced latte) before that meeting starts.
Happy Friday everyone 
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91.04 Days
Struggling with letting bad things that have happened in the past, caused by me drinking too much, go.
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- Just finished my coffee. It’s cold but I want to ride my
I’m learning to let go of this thread at times so as not to sit here for the next hour. I did write my friend yesterday, She’s not one for writing an answer but she acknowledged reading it. That’s something for now. And maybe more imoprtant last night I came to some insights about our relationship, insights about my own role and responsibility in messing things up so bad. Things she told me a lot of times already but somehow it never got through to me.
So for me an unexpected effect of writing, not even so much making my point clearer to my friend but coming to insights (about) myself. Which, come to think of it, I was already doing here too. So much to learn. Breakfast now and I’ll be off after. Have a good day all. Sober and clean. Love from my kitchen. Enjoying the new setup a lot. Gave me a whole new space.
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I’m glad to see you’re back 
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Thanks Lisa yesterday wasn’t actually day 300 though. I said 300 something because I didn’t know exactly how many days I had, turns out it was 323
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Day 76…
My poor legs and arms and back, remind me why I thought the gym was a good idea 
! I’m on my adventure once my Internet has been fitted thought it was best too as I know I’m gonna be here on my lonesome for Christmas.
You watch i’ll get 3 miles and turn back as right now every friggin muscle in my body is screaming your a dick for joining the gym!!
On the plus side I’m feeling no cravings at all… Think the bike broke my bum and private area, they are not comfortable to sit on nor ride when you got a big behind!
As always I hope everyone has a joygasmic weekend and know that you got this!
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That’s a great step forward. Keep going, even if it doesn’t end up exactly like you wanted it, it seems like it got a somewhat positive outcome anyway. And I still love your palm-trees
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1 day 11 hours 
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Day 282. Nog feeling great. Kind of numb. Sad. Anxious. Not happy.
Dealing with this break up i tough on me.
I’m trying as hard as I can to get through the minutes, hours and days without giving up. I know it’s not an option. I just feel terrible about everything.
Not feeling in the mood for anything. Maybe drinking.
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Quick update.
Husband’s ex wife just sent a text that she wanted to talk to him about their teen. He never had custody of that kid, and a few years ago ahe was placed in foster care without our knowledge. And the mother (his ex wife) forbid alk contact. We got contact via the foster family and she came to visit us with them and keept contact without the mothers consent or knowledge. Not optimal but my husband has been the only parent who actually cared about this kid. They had a phone call a few days ago. And just now the ex wife called to inform him that this teen is in psychiatric emergency care. She (the ex wife) has stayed the night but she lives far away and had to go so now she wanted my husband to come in and watch for the teen. The man she forbid to have any contact with this kid in the first place. We’re trying to get a hold of the foster family now to see what’s actually is going on. It’s a mess and my anxiety is getting to the point that I want to throw up. Legally it’s not our responsibility but she’s still “our” kid.
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Day 256. Big fight with my mom last night. Trying to set boundaries with her for my kids and she won’t let it happen. She is flipping it and making me out to be the bad guy like always. I woke up 4 to lift and she was downstairs ready to fight some more. I try to talk, she turns it into a fight and me not doing any better. Time to take control of this, it’s my time this is a new me. I’m picking up over time at work and getting out, no more letting her control me. She blames me bc now she is going to buy a pack of cigarettes, you see what you’re doing to me she says. I can’t keep feeling bad for myself for setting boundaries dude. I didn’t let it affect my lift. I hit 385 pr on deadlift. And 245 on bench for 7 reps I’m happy
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Nope drinking solves nothing… I know a breakup is hard I’m going through the same thing… The house Is sold so I know its final but there are better days ahead… As hard as it is focus on you being a better you and maybe in time you never know that person might come back into your life or someone new may come venturing into your life.
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I’m so sorry, having recently experienced this, my heart aches for you. I often wished I could just fast forward time. One thing my therapist said to me that helped dramatically was, it’s ok to feel sad, but we don’t have to act on it. So, allow yourself the sadness, feel it, and I promise you it gets better
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I gotta say, the ED has been a nail biter these last 3-4 days. I find the fear of the heart attack fading, even though chest pain woke me up the night before last. It’s pretty much white knuckles, so I need to figure something out.
Had “drinks” with some girlfriends last night. I walked and it was lovely. We sat outside and I just enjoyed it so much. I love that I’m out there being social again. I also dig how cheap my bills are with out all those cocktails.
My ex-husband called me the other day. He’s so lost and doesn’t know what to do with his life. He lost his job because he’s going to be in a wheelchair for months. I’m not supposed to be seeing him, but I just can’t turn my back on him. So, I’m going there tonight to spend some time with him and bring him some fat boy food 
I’m close with his Mom and Aunt, so it will be nice to see them. They are around my age. It was a unique dynamic for sure. No more cougar Beth going forward!!! 
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Oh, you made me LOL! I feel your pain…I became convinced calf raises while holding weights were a great idea, but when I stepped out of bed I yelped and scared my dog and proceeded to walk like Frankenstein’s monster to the bathroom…ouch! I always hated the narrow, hard as a rock bike seats - they are brutal! Let’s keep working hard, I’ve heard it’s worth it
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