Wow, well done. It sound emotionally draining. How brave to face him with calm and love and still be aware of all what happened before and be sure you don’t want it anymore.
Congrats! It is inspiring 
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I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
Day 48
My nephew is coming today (with my brother and his wife) to celebrate his 1st birthday.
Barley slept anything this night, I’m having problems to sleep in general. But the issues from yesterday and the anxiety made it even more difficult.
Woke up to - 5 C it felt almost symbolic, because the cold and dark part of the year is now coming in fast.
Pulled the Tarot Queen of Swords, I was worried about pulling another card because a lot if times The Tower comes after the death card. This time it didn’t and queen of swords points to a strong feeling that will eventually get the situation under control.
Had a huge discussion with my husband about everything and especially about his ex wife and it almost lead to an argument. Because he says I’m downgrading him, which I don’t. He just seems unable to see what I see, that this woman eventually makes him obey her slightest wave and had for about 15 years. (I married one of my best friends remember? I knew him when they where married, and nope I’m not the one who ended their marriage) and she’s been somewhat present in our lives like always. I’ve seen it and it worries me. I also made it clear that I won’t take it and if this teen comes here which I really hope she does, she’s coming to stay. I know I’m not one of her parents l, I know I don’t have anything to say about it by law, but I refuse to have her moving around once again to people that doesn’t want or are able to handle or. Or back to her mother that never have been able to care for her, and done everything she could to keep us out and away. If he doesn’t fight for it I will, I know he will though but I also think it’ll be more difficult than he can imagine.
Our now 18 y/o have/had about the same special needs as this teen and it’ll be like getting thrown back to her hardest phase once again. But we’ve been there done that and we got through it. We’ll get through this too, and we’ve got more than enough tools to handle it. Also I’m more in phase with myself now than I ever been. Not drinking, not doing drugs, even if the first thing I did this morning was looting the house for something stronger than coffee.
The thought about drinking or taking anything else is more than present but I know I have to stay clear and sober through this.
Thank you everyone here who’s sending encouragement and a well placed “For the grace of god lady, you don’t need that drink” and to those who got the patience to read through my long posts. I appreciate you with all my heart.
Happy Saturday, and keep fighting everyone you are gold 
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Nice work on your 60 days my friend, you’ll definitely start to have some mixed emotions about the whole thing but just observe them, there will soon be another one come along shortly.
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I couldn’t wait to find this out this morning, sounds promising though so enjoy your day.
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Good move my friend, it feels uncomfortable to start with but I to had to start being more open with my partner as she became very resentful of the time I was putting into me, I don’t expect her to understand as she is not an alcoholic but it helps if we try and get them to be part of the journey and not sat in the audience waiting to see if there is a happy ending for a change. proud of you mate.
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- Scrolling through the thread and seeing so many milestones makes me glad. I salute and congratulate you all! As I do salute and congratulate everybody else here, fighting the good fight. Keep going. One day at a time and sober and clean.
I was lucky yesterday to have a day of sunshine riding my bike. A bit tired now as it was a long ride. But I feel fine. I need to do some more about my friendship. Not sure what to do now after writing another email last night, but I do know I can’t postpone doing it. I’ve done that for the last 2 years or so. It has to stop and I will stop it. Have a good weekend friends. The pic’s from yesterday. Love from my bike.
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Feeling very depressed but I’ll be fine 50 days
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- In for over time, gonna get a jog in after work. Have a good day
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Hey Buts
That’s a good question, I did not think it about so far. I would say around 300-350€ maybe ? I have saved some cash that’s for sure.
Saving money was not on my , say ‘top 3 reasons to be sober’. But now that you are bringing the topic in, it is super nice to realize it. Thanks for that 
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It’s not in my top either, but a nice extra! I use that money to buy myself a present when I reach a milestone 
Tip? 
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Day 50! Good morning! I’m feeling so blessed to just wake up today! I know I want this more than I ever have. I also know my recovery is in my hands. I have a busy day going to watch the UNA game with a recovery friend, then some of us are going to a speaker meeting in Tennessee tonight. I love speaker meetings. I love to hear the stories of people just like me and its empowering to see how far they’ve come! I hope y’all have an amazing clean and sober Saturday💛 You are worthy, your past does not define you, you are beautiful and handsome, you are loved, you are powerful, YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!
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A pretty intelligent woman at work believes this. I get it. It FEELS as if we’re in a plane circling and circling over the runway and we passengers don’t know if we’re in a holding pattern due to a mechanical failure that could end in a crash or if we’re just waiting to make a soft landing. Googling now.
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Checking in on day 34. I have terminated my facebook account. I didn’t use it often, but still feels great. I’ll work during the weekend, which I’m glad for, because it distracts me from my thoughts and cravings.
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Day 127 clean and sober today. Going to clean up a little and then Faith and I are going on a little overnight get away today. I hope you all have a wonderful day today, love you guys!!! 
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Thank you. Well, no, nothing in particular. I’ve just kinda noticed that I’m always feeling some sort of ‘down’ … I have good days, but they don’t last long, so mostly, the days in my months are a mental health struggle; many lows with a few highs. I think it’s mostly due to loneliness. And, the loneliness affirms my thoughts/beliefs that I am not good enough, I’m never going to find someone who loves me and whom I can love, and that nobody deeply cares about me. My rational brain hears these things and argues that they’re not true; however, my emotional-self… irrational self/brain/thoughts are much louder and more consistent, and they take over. I have felt so lonely now for so long. I don’t really know what to do. Starting Zoloft tomorrow, nervous about that, but here’s hoping it helps and I can start to feel better and then perhaps tackle some of these loneliness and lack of self-worth feelings
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Checking in
About to work on my Core values, principles, visions and goals. This exercice has been in my head for almost 3 weeks now. This morning I take the time. It’s part of my mental health and recovery plan. Let’s do it!
Which everyone a good week-end!
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Well to be honest both the cards and the planets predicted a very special 2020,the end of the world as we knew it. Before the year even started we’ll see where it’s heading next year.
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Day 40! Woohooooo! I woke up still feeling pretty good physically. Thank goodness. Thinking maybe that cleanse really worked. I’ve been researching leaky gut also. An acupuncturist I saw years ago thought I had it and I kinda just shrugged it off as nonsense but a lot of the symptoms fit, including the worsening migraines.
My 16 year old cousin works at a pet shop, so my mom and I are visiting today to get our puppy fix! Hopefully I don’t come home with a third dog. Hubs would kill me.
Have a blessed day y’all! 
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I’m so glad you’re finding some relief, Kayla! I know how frustrating that can be, I’ve also dealt with gut issues for a long time and know I need to eat for better gut health. If I needed any confirmation of that, I woke up at 3 am with the worst heartburn I’ve experienced in months…excruciating! Tums, then Pepto didn’t cut it, and then I had to try sleeping sitting up. I can still feel it this morning. I’ll call it my last hurrah with crappy food! (For now, haha!) I’ll have to look into a cleanse. Enjoy the puppies!!!
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Wait, what???
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