Checking in to end day 274.84
Woke up later today 10a.m. Walked to Tim Hortons got a coffee and went for lunch at Wayside House. Sat in with the clients for a stress management class after lunch. Made pizzas for supper there which turned out good. Went to the in house NA meeting at 6:30 and got my first ever yellow keytag for nine months. Walked the three kms home so six kms again today. Now I’m enjoying game seven of Mlb playoffs with one of my housemates. I’ll pray and meditate before bed cause why not it’s got me this far. God bless you all. 
&
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so I’m posting this here because I think it’s worth every one seeing… If you want a new show to watch. Watch this. It’s on stan in Australia so I’m not sure about other countries etc. But its available to stream world wide… It’s so good!!
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394 Days.
I’m not happy with family life lately. I’m getting some pushback for going to meetings and out with new friends afterwards. I have my daughter giving me the guilt trip, telling me I should stay home and be a mom. I need my f**king space. I work hard and use that time as my reward. They’re happy I’m sober but unhappy with my new life. They got used to the isolation forced by covid. Now that places are opening up, I need to get out and find what makes me happy. I’m not giving up what I need to do for my sobriety, even if it’s at the expense of their own happiness. I do give my family plenty of my time but I don’t think it’s fair to have to give them all of it.
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I totally hear you. I got three magazines from the library 2 weeks ago. I still haven’t read them. Endless requests to do this or that in the evening from my kids. And my husband just watches YT. And Wednesday is usually my day to do my stuff, such as zoom aa meeting, but recently taken over by various appointments. We both have to take measures to protect our time.
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thanks Stella
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1 week sober 
feeling really well and really happy. Thank you all for the support of this group. I’m not going back and I’m not giving in.
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I don’t understand when it’s something that benefits everyone in the long run. So frustrating! If we’re not working on our sobriety, then we’re not our best selves which has the trickle down affect and hurts everyone around us. I’m sticking to my boundaries and they’ll have to get over it.
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I’m only on day 2 (have to start somewhere!) but I too have found myself asking myself “when will it be okay to drink again” also thinking about having a full summer of sobriety next year.
But I too see it as, by that time I’ll be okay being sober and will find other things fun and entertaining rather than riding on the bike and drinking all day.
ONE DAY AT A TIME!!
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Day 284. Got up early. I’m going on a early morning hike with a good friend of mine. Should be fun.
I hope sunday goes as smooth as yesterday.
I don’t need or want cravings and I do not need my ex on my mind!
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Congrats on half a year!
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Waddup lovely TS gang? 
So yesterday I hit 50 days. I guess it’s time for some self reflection.
At first, I felt doubt. I thought I’ll never reach this far. Then at some point I hit 20 days. Then sort of slowly and surely I didn’t take my sobriety so seriously anymore. I felt it was JUST pmo, (yeah, I know…). But then I had some days where I was quite close to relapsing. Thanks to the help of TS, I didn’t.
So what have I learned so far? Addiction is real. My addiction is real. I cannot just half ass my life and my sobriety. Also, accountability and peer support is too important to miss.
You guys matter. Your sobriety matters. Your stories matter.
Have a great day everyone! Let’s celebrate the fact that today, we can be sober!
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I keep wanting to write something to you about Moose, but I can’t seem to find the right thing to say. I stop writing every time for fear that I’m just going to reiterate what you already feel. I’m sure it hurts. I’m super attached to my two boys and I can’t imagine having to lose them.
I do think the pain will fade overtime and you’ll always have the cherished memories of him and Teddy. I’m glad to see you working through this.
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Tonight will be 67 days.
The only nightmare is waking up, the sharks don’t bother me.
In fact, since you may know that sharks have all kinds of sensors and things in their snouts (to pick up electromagnetic signals and stuff like that), they generally don’t like divers very much since - with the tanks and all the rest - we invariably have so much metal.
In the video, despite the fact that the people feeding the sharks are wearing chain mail, it’s different because the sharks have grown accustomed to being fed, so they come more readily.
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So we started making Saturday nights movie nights here at home. We rewatched The Big Sick last week and WE enjoyed it a lot more the second time. Tonight we or should I say “I” watched the 2019 movie Midway for the first time. As soon as I put the movie on wifey passed out on the couch. She didn’t even make it to the bombing of Perl Harbor. It was a great movie by the way. I’m not too into war movies but this one was pretty good. It’s just kind of lonely being alone and sober on movie night when we’ve planned Saturdays to watch movies. I thought TOGETHER. What r ya gonna do?? I did realize I enjoyed myself much more watching the movie sober and I see her passed out on the couch and… well… that could be me too if I choose. It use to be me too. But it don’t look like much fun. After the movie I cleaned up all our dinner dishes by myself. Even though she was able to get up and get more wine. She does that. She wakes up. Gets more wine. Passes back out again. WTF. I fed the pets, let the dogs out and thought I’d throw myself a little pity party on here 
Now I’m going to get back into my Stephen King book. Rose Madder. And wake up tomorrow with 290 fucking days sober!! Suck on that addiction!!! I win !!!
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I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
Day 49
Me and my husband argued about his ex wife and teen all night yesterday. Whenever I’m trying to say anything about it he goes into defense mode. And actually defends his ex wife. He seems totally unable to see what I’m seeing and he refuses to listen.
When our (my teen) we’ve been married since she was a small child, he’s always been like. “Well it’s a part of her diagnosis she’s craving attention, it’s not that bad” but we usually figured it out together all three of us. Finding solutions that worked and talked about things. But according to him this is apparently different. They both have about the same problems, and even if I feel deeply for this teen I’m sure a lot of it is also about the attention. I don’t mean to minimize her or her problems but she really got everyone giving her a 100% attention. The mother who usually doesn’t care, have to care at least a little bit now. And her father (my husband) who usually isn’t allowed to care is back in the picture. And to get this teen from one place to another her parents have to work together and spend time with each other.
I do love my husband, he’s always been there for us in his own way. But no matter what happend he barely never took a day off work to clear it out, and always left it for me to do it myself when he was at work. I’m greatful for him working, if he didn’t do it I couldn’t do what I did. I’m just annoyed that he clearly priorities very differently this time. He’s already taken two weeks of work, unpaid to fix this.
And if she ends up here, which is the plan. He excepts me to drop out of school to care for her. I wouldn’t mind, I’m sure she needs it. One single adult that stays by her side, ridning out the storms. Even if it’s sad because for once I had the chance to do something for myself, to create a better future.
But what I do turn most against is that I’m all of a sudden out of the discussion. I can’t share my opinion, he’s not open for discussions or nuances. And he just expects me to be there, do what he has decided is the right thing, without even considering how it will effect all of us. And without even seeing his ex wife as anything else as an enchanting woman, who might have had some troubles with a difficult teen and needs support.
I got tired of arguing because it was pointless, so I stayed in my room hanging on here and eating candy yesterday eve. When everyone was asleep I went up raiding the house for alcohol and a possible forgotten jar of dieting pills. I didn’t find anything, was up a few more time tonight doing the same thing. And when I woke up this morning I cursed the day for being a Sunday, because the liquor store is closed until tomorrow.
I know that wouldn’t be a solution to the problem, but for now I’m just to tired of this shit to give a darn.
This girl definitely needs help, she definitely needs her parents, and she’s more than welcome to stay here, and I’ll do anything to help. I’m just annoyed that I’m not even accountable in the discussion or planning anymore. It’s just like I should stay quiet and do what I’m told. I ain’t gonna take that.
Hopefully this day turns out better than it seems. It’s still cold outside, there’s a snow warning, sun is shining and today’s card was the sun card.
Happy Sunday 
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I don’t think me and God is even on the same side most days. But I get it, problem is that I still want to be a part of the show. Not degraded to decorations or something that’s mostly pointless but still have a small purpose.
But maybe that’s just what I should do, stand tall watching and let thing’s sort themselves out.
Thanks
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100% 
…
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Made it through a bit of a difficult weekend after nearly faltering yesterday. Physically and mentally drained at 6pm on a Sunday evening. Almost at my first 30 day sober checkpoint.
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