Checking in daily to maintain focus #20

[CATMANCAM]

41 days.

A productive day today. My friend text to say he was coming round this morning so I didn’t have time for my early walk, but instead of not exercising at all, which I knew would make me feel bad, I found a 20 min beginner’s workout on YouTube and did that.

Then I had support group on Zoom, it was okay, they berated me for stopping the Diazepam without consulting my doctor or tapering off, they said that all of a sudden my panic attacks will come back and I’ll be back at square one, I can’t seem to do right, some professionals have a go at me for the meds I’m prescribed, so I stop them, but now others are having a go for that. So far, I haven’t taken Diazepam since Saturday, and although my mood is lower, I feel okay really, so I think I’m safe to stay off them, but now I’m doubting myself. I welcome any thoughts anyone has.

Then I had a short notice call asking if I was prepared to have a viewing at 5:30pm, so I spent this afternoon cleaning, and they have been and gone, I’m hoping for an offer now that I’ve lowered the asking price again

I really do appreciate this thread, it’s an integral part of each day for me, and helps me wind down for the evening,.knowing that I’ve just checked off another day (my counter changes at 5:30pm).

I’m now going to repeat the workout I did this morning because it’s too dark outside to go for a walk now, I’m too anxious and scared to go outside in the dark from being attacked in the past. It’s a dodgy area at night time.

I can’t believe it’s already Friday tomorrow, so then weekend again, time is passing much quicker than it did in the very early days of my sobriety, perhaps the shorter daylight hours helps.

I’m totally free of alcohol and drug cravings, and have been since day 14. I’m so grateful they passed after that.

Cravings for junk food however, come and go, but I’m so determined this time around to actually lose my excess weight, so it just makes the most sense to eat my diet products and stay focused.

Here’s to another sober 24hrs!

[I.cant.We.can]

Nicely done!! Congratulations on a year.

[anon28001181]

It’s filling in nicely

[Dazercat]

Congratulations on your 41 days. And getting those work outs in. I hate working out. I like power walking. But M W F I force myself to do a different resistance workout. I still hate it

As far as the Diazepam is concerned I also feel you should talk to your doctor about tapering off it and not just stopping it without doctors supervision. I don’t think anyone should be berating you about any of this. It sounds like your doing well though. I hope it continues. I only have second hand experience with my child quitting Zoloft all on her own and we found her in her room all curled up in a the fetal position just crying. It wasn’t pretty. That’s just my experience as a dad. I never want to see anyone go through that again.

[Dragonflygirl82]

Day 252~ I’m trying so hard not to fall apart. The amount of stress and pressure I feel is just too much. I usually get pretty emotional around my birthday (it’s not until Monday) I don’t know why maybe it’s getting older that gets to me… I’m just having a hard time. I feel myself slipping back into a depressed state. I have so much to be thankful and grateful for… I don’t want to feel this way. Between grieving and the stress of the businesses and work I just feel like I’m drowning. We have a trip up north planned next week and I don’t even know if I wanna go. I don’t wanna spend the money and just be miserable. It just seems everything and everyone just sucks right now. I’m so fucking sick of always being there for everyone and being held to a certain standard. It gets really old always giving and putting in the time and energy to get shit in return.

My sobriety is not in jeopardy that much is still very strong. I just need to mentally feel better. Stay strong everyone… and for anyone struggling this to shall pass.

[Olivia]

Bye bye Baby face

[Olivia]

My heart aches although I can’t even imagine how it would feel seeing your kid in such pain and distress

[Imcrafty]

Eesh. That’s so much weighing on you. No wonder you’re stressed. Poor thing. I hope the universe eases up on you soon and if you go on your trip it offers you some well deserved peace and rest.

[Tomek]

You are emotionally exhausted. It’s perfectly normal to feel the way you do. Be a little selfish and do what you really want to do. You cannot be missing from your own life.

[Mno]

I think you’re in mourning dear Courtney. Which can act out just like a depression but it is not. Give yourself some space and time. Acknowledge how you feel. Maybe read up on what a ‘normal’ mourning process entails. It won’t last. And you have the right to not feel very celebratory about your upcoming birthday. Hang in there. Big hugs.

[Mno]

I’m not a doctor but a mental health nurse and it’s impossible to give you trustworthy advice online. Having said that, and since you’re clean from diazepam for almost a week now, and you don’t experience really serious withdrawal symptoms: Don’t reintroduce the stuff into your system. Withdrawal should be over in two weeks max. If not contact your doctor. Even better contact your doctor tomorrow. He or she isn’t your enemy, he/she is there to help. I don’t think a doctor will say to you to start again after stopping for a week and he/she can’t make you anyway. It’s your life and your decision. Doctors are there to help and advice you, not to rule over you. That certainly goes for your metal health. Time to take control of your life.

[Dazercat]

Thanks,
Unfortunately that was just the beginning of our trip through hell. But we’re all good now. I got most of my addiction knowledge through them and Alanon and turning it over to the big guy
Coming in handy now eh

[CATMANCAM]

Thank you, I really don’t enjoy working out compared to walking either, but it feels good when it’s over, let’s just say I’m glad I opted for a ‘beginners’ one!

I will call a doctor tomorrow, let them know I haven’t taken it since Saturday, that I feel fairly okay and haven’t had any panic attacks, and see what they say. Thanks for the support. I’m still on 3 Anti-depressants and an anti-psychotic and I don’t plan to come off those any time soon, have tried.in the past, much to my demise It seems I do eventually learn from my mistakes.

[CATMANCAM]

Thank you, you’re right, I’ll call a doctor tomorrow and keep them in the loop, I think they will agree with you, and indeed, now it’s almost been a week, I’d like to stay off it. I did speak to my recovery worker and she said that under 30mg I shouldn’t experience withdrawals, and I was only taking 5mg, but even she suggested tapering, I just decided not to take it last Sunday to see how I felt, and because I felt average in myself I just continued not to take it.

[Balanced]

Day 23. Had some pretty intense cravings today but I didn’t feel any obligation to do anything about it. It didn’t play like a scary movie like in the past. I simply recognized it as an old pattern that has no use. I think every relapse strengthens our recall so we can think of the consequences before we’re tempted again. At least, that’s what it feels like.

Take care

[Galen_82]

So yesterday was awful for cravings but i didn’t cave in and today I had another sort out at home. Sorted through clothes, cleaned and moved my bedroom around. Took me most of the day and I feel great tonight!!!

So thankful i didn’t cave last night.

[anon12657779]

@Galen_82

thankful i didn’t cave last night.

And stronger because of it!
Each time we beat the cravings it should be recognised for what it is!
A victory!
It’s how we build our confidence!
Be proud bud, be very proud

[anon27700620]

Goodnight all.

[Harold]

[Lilemm]

Good night rest well. Xx closing on day 91 clean smoke free 31