@anon60334405 Iām sorry that stuff from the past is still bothering you man, I donāt blame you. I donāt think I would be able to look past someone treating me like that either. The important thing is that you know it wasnāt true and you have taken the higher road and are doing the best for your girls and yourself. Stay strong man.
@Mno Iām sorry to hear you guys are facing another lockdownā¦I fear weāre headed in the same direction. I love your morning pictures on this thread!
Day 49: We got our first dusting of snow and itās pretty. Especially since it will be back up to 50 deg by Wednesday. I know it wonāt be long till we reach full on Winter. Iām going to try something today - focus on distracting from pain and try not to dwell on it. Meditate, use my coping methods (both physical and mental) and call doctorās offices. Who knows, maybe Iāll get an appointment scheduled before today is over? Positive thinking! Iāve been pretty down lately and thatās not helping. Here we go! Letās make this Monday work for us!
Iām sorry to hear you on day one again but Iāll keep you in my thoughts! At least you know that you need to put the work in to see the results, thatās always a huge hurdle. Canāt tell you how many false starts I had before I got sobriety to stick. Just figure out what needs to change (what has/hasnāt worked on previous attempts) and donāt give up!
@RosaCanDo Good for you for not letting your pain get you too down, I know it must be rough. Iām glad youāre taking positive steps towards fixing it and thank god you arenāt hungover too, right?? I think about that often nowadaysā¦how much worse a situation would be if I was drunk or hungover. It always keeps me motivated to stay sober.
Nah it wasnāt her snap. I have her blocked on everything. She was with someone else that I have on snap. But honestly prob gonna do that I donāt use snap anyways but to look at ppls stories. I never post myself
Got up and out earlier than I have been over the last 2 weeks and for that Iām grateful. Put on some soft classical music while getting ready for work which put me in a relaxing and meditative state of mind. Put on my favorite honey chai turmeric tea in a to go cup and am ready for my 1st appointment of the day. Before I left the house I wrote in my journal to set my intentions for the day and I look forward to updating my journal when I get back home tonight. Hope everyone has a good day.
sigh long pause
Back to day one. Not even day one. Day Zero and six hours.
I dont know if Iām disappointed in myself or if Iām just sad, but waking up this morning was a chore. Iām trying to be positive, but at this point itās really hard.
Anyway, I hope you guys have a great day!
Day 136 clean and sober today. Went to my first ACA (adult children of alcoholics) meeting on zoom yesterday and it was pretty rad. I never knew it was about healing childhood trauma lol I thought it was just people who had alcoholic parents this whole time. How ignorant of me lol!! I stumbled upon their website and itās exactly what I feel I need to add to my recovery. Hope everyone has a great day today, love you guys!!!
Day 94
I used to think about death and how each person I know knows a different version of me and if at my funeral if they all got together they could each piece together the puzzle of who I am.
I hate how my friend who died, her friend of 17 years has brushed this off saying our friend had a secret life and she feels betrayed. It feels like she has moved on already. Im so angry at her for that.
But I realize now that I held that piece of the puzzle.
I knew about the secret life although I didnt know it was a secret and therefore I feel responsible. She had told me she wasnt āthere yetā, ready to get sober. I knew school was stressful so I just thought maybe once she gets through school she would be ready.
She had a rough year. She got divorced and moved in with this other guy and that didnt work out and then she started seeing this mystery guy who killed her. I am angry at him too but I know he didnt mean to so I have stopped trying to find him.
Im angry at her dad who is choosing to do nothing. No celebration of life because according to our friend he doesnt want anyone to know how she died. So its like, you make a mistake and you die and everyone brushes you under a rugā¦ and THATS IT??
Im just going through the motions.
Im angry at my daughters dad who tells me its been 3 days and I need to get on with my life. I think he is just speaking for himself because he has been grieving too but I am just angry at him all the time. We are lighting some lanterns by the lake to remember her. I dont know if that will help.
This is all Ive got for today. Thanks to everyone for your responses. Reading all your kind words has given me strength the last few days. Too many people to count right now but I love you all. Thanks for everything.
Bro it totally sounds like a trauma bond. My ex ex was so horrible to me verbally, emotionally and physically while we were together that it really fucked me up for a long time. She used to say and do the same shit to me too bro. I found myself a little bit ago looking at her Facebook page and feeling hurt and pissed that she was with other people and I asked myself the same thing, āwhat the fuck do I care about what sheās doing and why lolā trauma bond bro, it takes a long time to break. Iām not saying itās what youāre going through for sure but it rang a lot of bells and I thought I would share. Youāre a great dude Mike stay strong youāre definitely an inspiration to me and Iām sure many others!!!
Again so sorry about this tragic loss of your friend. It really sucks. Just know itās ok that you feel angry. I would feel very angry at some of these people to. Damn right you can feel angry. Light those lanterns by the lake for you and for her. Try to go easy on yourself too when you can. There is not one human being any of us can control.
Iām so sorry for your loss dear, missed that somehow. The last few days have been hectic, marathon training and wedding prepping for a cousin has made my reading haphazard.
Blessings and sobriety!
