Big day, big fella. Well done on your sober days mate we know you’ve had some ups and downs but here you still are 9 months later killing it. Proud of you sir 
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Next door neighbour’s dog had puppies yesterday. Always said I’d only ever get a rescue dog, but having had two matches not work out on top of all the applications that haven’t even been acknowledged… I totally understand that the rescue centres are struggling right now and everyone’s just trying to do the right thing but I’m not feeling my most resilient and it’s been heartbreaking.
I get so caught up in doing the ‘right’ thing, it’s easy to forget that my rigid thinking, what I’ve decided is the right thing, is just one way of looking at a situation. Talking to a friend yesterday about how I am overcomplicating it - I want a dog and my next door neighbour is looking for homes for dogs. You know when the universe is knocking on your door and you just refuse to hear it?!
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Anytime an animal gets a loving home, its the right thing. Might consider answering that knock at the door.
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Day 576. Feeling a lot better, wish everyone the best! 
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I didn’t get one yet. Still looking 
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I do think rescuing a dog, if you can, is a good thing to do… But we have tried and it hasn’t worked out for a number of reasons. I would love another collie because they are a breed I have a soft spot for, but a puppy in the house would be wonderful. And their dog, while not a collie, is lovely… Think it is time to answer the door!
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Really nice. What pattern?
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We had exactly the same thing - got a rescue dog home but he latched onto me straight away and not happy with my bf, who works such long hours it would have been hard to see a way to train out of it. Had another lined up but then covid restrictions… Even though we could have legally gone and got the dog, the rescue said no.
If you don’t try, you never know!
My friend recently got a kitten and he is SO CUTE! And double trouble… Ha. Look forward to hearing all about it when you get them!
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- Feeling and doing pretty good. Going out to catch some sunshine while having coffee with my bf. Dinner with my sis and nephew was really uncomplicated nice. One lesson I seem to be learning is to not take everything so goddamned personal. Other persons have their own ideas and problems and what they say and do doesn’t necessarily reflect upon me.
Also thinking about and looking at colours to paint the my living room. Want to do that in the second week of my staycation. All sober and clean of course. I really can’t imagine how this crazy period would be for me was I still drinking and drugging. So happy I’m not. Have good day all! Clean and sober. Love from Amsterdam. Pic is from my favourite spot for sundown which has become slightly less ideal bc of the new buildings being build but still is nice.
@siand and @Jennajen Yay to puppies and kittens!
@Lisa07 Man you are facing some tough times. All admiration for you pulling though it sober. Big hugs. Keep going.
@M-be-free49 Not quite Emm. All these ‘what if’s’ are worth no more than burned peat, nothing. I think it’s sort of the same as Mohammed Ali’s quote ‘Don’t count the days, make the days count instead!’
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Day 84
Today was a national holiday, but my uni still had classes. So the husband and kids had to entertain themselves. I did some prep in the teacher’s room which I swear has the air con on cold still, which gave me a bit of a headache. Tomorrow is a day off for me, and I have my Japanese class (online). My husband again grumbled about me doing it. For him, I already speak well enough, and it is an unnecessary expense. It is about 6 to 8 dollars. It annoys the crap out of me that he doesn’t support me trying to improve myself. Especially as he benefits from me speaking Japanese well as he never, or extremely rarely, needs to help me.
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Day 76 … I am so deeply shaken by the events that occured last night in my hometown of Vienna. There has been a terrorist attack in the heart of the city. Luckily, my family and closest friends are safe, but I couldn’t sleep at all and had to step away from looking at media.
I wrote a lenghty post about it, but decided not to post, for it could be a trigger to someone and I don’t want the people behind it to get any more attention.
I almost drank last night, but I didn’t. I’m looking really hard at my recovery toolbox right now. Reading on here helps a great deal. Being on the phone with my parents helps. Eating a lot of sugar helps (at least today). Taking a hot bath helps. Walking around like a maniac is my go-to (haha 
) and I will be on a looong walk for the rest of the day I guess.
I’m not going to drink today, nor any other day. Some time ago I would have been black out drunk by now, but I’m taking steps to handle my emotions differently in uncertain times like this. Nobody can take away my sobriety and nobody can stop us from being together in a peaceful society 
Hope everyone is safe out there and much penguin-love 
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Horrible news, but as you say, all the publicity gives them credence.
You not drinking is your little victory over them!
Well done and thoughts to you and your glorious city!
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Checking in, day 51. My mother called and wrote me - what a timing… She rather would love her mentally ill daughter (that would be me according to her), than her son. She wrote, that she never accepts me, this whole thing ruins and may kills her. She thinks that I ruin everybody’s lives.
I won’t be manipulated emotionally, I know, that it’s about her - she is the one who cannot tolerate me, it’s about her unflexible feelings, it’s her task to deal with it. And my task to deal with the fact, that she doesn’t love me.
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I would be so happy to have two dogs! Good point… The situation with rescue centres won’t always be like this!
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That looks so pretty!
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Day 50.
It’s been two years since I have been that long sober. Actually my first real attempt was back in 2017 and lasted exactly 50 days. After that it took me another year to get back on the wagon and started July 2th until December for a total of 6 months or 198 days. Both of these time I relapsed on the 15th of December. I guess it’s Christmas time and all, but mostly the seasonal depression starting in November that got me off both of these times. I think I am better started this time, 2 years later.
I am LASER FOCUSED to my principles, values and goals. I am actually not focusing on not drinking but rather on what I want to accomplish and what can come with sobriety. I left the path of LOVE instead of FEAR. And when I see myself going into this latter path, I have my plans. I am still working on my plans and ways to grow stronger out of this, I have still my sad day, I still get angry, I still have craving, I still talk about my recovery, I am not ignoring this Mister Hyde side of me nor where it can lead me. I am searching for meaning in life and I know deeply that it will not be find into a bottle - I’ve searched there enough and in many different forms.
Sadly yesterday I had a counsellor meeting and it was cancelled (I went at the wrong hour) and to go there I have to pass by my ancient neighborhood (which I’ve lived for the last 10 years at different places) and it made me think about my last brake up, my drinking habits that have been growing up alone in that apartment, I saw the bar where I was going alone for years, I saw the groceries and pass by the same road I’ve been taken to go get my booze… I was such a shitty feeling. I could still taste the gin and wine I’ve drink in that apartment and the beers I had in that bar… Man I was happy I was going to that meeting because I wanted to talk about this so bad and it just got canceled because of my disattention. I was itchy, afraid, felt weak. Realized that this part of me was just around the corner in the right next city. It will always be there - but the way I cope with this can change and I am working on this. Went back home (45 minutes drive) called my mom, then talked about this about my girl, then stretches/relaxed on the floor while listening to a nice podcast. I then fell asleep like a baby and I today I feel strong again. This. Shall. Pass.
Hope everyone is having a good Tuesday,
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Be happy for yourself… You have for so long done things for others and by doing that you hurt yourself.
I know the struggle of people opinions and I let it beat me up for the longest time. One thing in recovery I’m learning is that I deserve to be me and so do you.
Rejection from a parent is shit especially as its meant to be unconditional… The minute I saw my mother as just another fucked up adult with her own issues I began loving myself that extra bit more.
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Whoa. Very good point and very simply put. I’m screen capping this for myself. I’m feeling strong now but someday I may not be and I really would like the simplicity of remembering it’s just the choice that we make that makes a difference. Not the way we feel.
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Congratulations on your 9 months. I hope you’re doing a little better now. Keep on working 
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