Checking in day 67.
First days of the 60s have been rough for me. (Btw congrats @Dolse71 and @Seb , I wish you a good weekend coming up with some nice sober plans 
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But it has been a week now and I made it. Itās Friday, last day of work. Going to take some time off this weekend. I donāt know if itās the stress that makes me want to shut down my head so bad with thoughts of drinking butā¦ yeah if I had to guess Iād say itās stress. Self-pressure. I Like what you said @Mark2 about that I also have to remember to take some moments for me during the day if not when I have a break I just want to put my head at off at any price. Also it has been weeks Iām training a lot and I keep saying I should take a recovery week, but I donāt. Maybe Iām just tired and that what made this week harder than the ones before.
Wish you a good day all.
Day 88 taking it easy have put up with a pain in my side itās just got worse and worse making work unbearable, doctor has xrayed chest n thorax with nothing showing so physio starts next week and hopefully that brings improvement for me untill then I have 3 weeks off works to help me improve. That brings mayb a challenge been at home reminds me of when I didnt work and I would drink through boredom at night and put on a film, whichnis a big trigger for me (watching films) so Iām gonna use this as a time to grow and look at what I achieve through this time so I went for a small slow jog this morning. Keep safe everyone peace out
@Charlie_C Getting a sober night of sleep is so amazing. Have a good time with the church ministry, it sounds like you have all the tools you need to have another sober night 
@anon60334405 Can you tell the guy that you want to stop lifting because youāre concerned about the spread of the virus? Iāve used that excuse to get out of a lot of social situations recently when I didnāt feel that going would be smart. Just tell him you are going to workout on your own for a while because you donāt want to risk getting or spreading the virus.
Tell him youāre taking a break and youāre doing more cardio and meditation or something.
Yeah. He knows I donāt care about that. But I work with him I see him everyday. He always try to act like a coach, yesterday heās like I think we need to start going for a jog. Which yes recently I was saying Iād like to get out and start jogging on the streets, but itās the way he tries to act like a coach that I hate. Like telling me how many reps I need to do, or how much weight I need to add. One thing Ive realized through this is I just donāt like lift with anyone, or jog with anyone. I like my mental space, Iām comfortable with just being alone. It took me along time to get to this point. I think this weekend Iām gonna man up and just send him the message letting him know itās nothing personal but I like to lift alone, I find peace in doing this alone and Iād like to continue doing it my way.
I was thinking about my approach and realized that I underestimate the importance of choice in general. If I can choose from bad and worse, itās still a choice and I can actively control my life. With making this choice I can be in action and this is a significant condition for mental health. This feeling is what gives me self respect - otherwise I would be a victim.
For e.g. I cannot control what happens in my native country and how it affects me. But I can work on assimilating in the country I live in and on learning the language, so in a few years I can apply for citizenship if I decide so. Maybe I wonāt but I will have a choice and choice is freedom.
I donāt know if youāre into it but, Iāve come over a podcast that is called āthe one you feedā hosted by a recovery-addict and is based upon the metaphor/legend that goes like this: thereās a young man walking with his grandfather and the grandfather tell the young boy that we have two Wolfs inside of us, a good one and a bad one, and theyāre constantly fighting to win the day. Then young boy then ask which one wins at the end, and the grandfather say: the one you feed.
Your post made me think of this. Everyday we can see two sides of each things, and we can choose which side weāll take. I can think all day of how much I was tired yesterday and how I feel guilty to have fallen to the thoughts of drinking even if I didnāt do it. Or I can see that I am thinking of this, recognize those thoughts and feelings and choose to see what can I think of today to make it better, or just not as bad. By doing so I think Iām feeding the good wolf.
The bad wolf only got me in such dark path that it has untruthfully became a safe place for me to go there - but I know itās not. Donāt let yourself be fooled by this side of you, youāve been there enough to know where you should be aiming for.
Sounds like a good idea to me. Thereās nothing wrong at all with wanting to workout alone, thatās the only way Iāll ever workout.
Hopefully he doesnāt take offense but if he does, oh well. Itās your life and your recovery and he shouldnāt dictate any of that. You have to be able to enjoy working out or youāll never benefit from it. At least thatās the way I see it because itās like meditating to me.
Just watched the last episode last night! Ridiculously funny show!
Exactly man, at first I did enjoy it with him because I was getting stronger (newbie gains ) but through all the pushing, became pain. They say if your constantly sore or in pain then your program is jacked up. I realized I donāt care about the weight anymore. Or my looks, I just enjoy it at my pace. My whole life, I cared about looks and judging others and competing with or trying to be better than. And itās slowly slipping away and Iām just becoming comfortable with doing me, and competing against me. If I did a little better then I did yesterday then sweet thatās awesome, and if not then thatās ok too
Thatās a great way to look at it. Keep us posted on how it goes.
Day 74: Here we go! Another day. Decided to do some stretches this morning and my knee is already acting up. Oh well, ice pack here I come. I will manage my expectations for today and focus on maintaining a grateful and hopeful attitude.
It is a very good parallelism and I totally agree with what you wrote - thank you for sharing. I work on feeding the good wolf, but sometimes I find it hard if itās about abstract things, like āacceptanceā and stuff. Itās easier for me if I see that I can take actual actions like regarding citizenship, it makes me feel less powerless. And there is a way to convert feelings or aims into action more times than I usually think.
I do actively work on acceptance as well and I think I made progress. I realized that the things that made my life bad can be the things that make it good. Facts donāt change but I do.
120 days emma 
You know where I am if you need me. BTW that alcohol will lower your inabitions and want you to try other stuff to get where you think you want to be but Iām sure youāve figured that one out the hard way already.
I just found out that this could be misleading, I meant, how it affects me officially/legally.
Halfway through Day 7. WILL make it a week. I started this sober journey this time because I got a really disappointed gaze from my husband at the grocery store when I put a bottle of wine into the cart last Saturday. I had asked him if he wanted beer, and he valiantly said no (he was a one-and-done with dinner guy, but had been cutting it out for weight loss). I never opened the wine, and there it sat. Last night, he says he is going to have a glass with dinner. Was it a test from him? Maybe. I havenāt stated my non-drinking stand out loud. Definitely a test from myself, and I had water. Hoping he finishes the stupid bottle tonight so I can be done with that!
Have a great Friday everyone!
You can do this! 
Work those sober muscles!!! Oh, and well done last night. Thatās tough!
Best policy is always honesty Mike.
But we do need to set boundaries in our lives.
Stay strong 
Oh my goodness, so true! My husband has lost weight without hardly a thought! Not to mention his ongoing non-issue with drinking. He was quite the partier in his youth, so maybe it worked itself out. I know I SHOULD talk to him about it, butā¦ not ready.