The bonus points are yours Rob! 
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YAY!!! Thanks Menno, have a great day!!!
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Yep - itās amazing isnāt it how we get all this awareness which is definitely a good thingā¦ But it doesnāt mean itās an easy thing! Finding humility and self doubtā¦ But doing it anyway.
Your post earlier gave me the confidence to take the plunge and ask someone if they want to be a client. By email, but stillā¦ Baby steps! I should have asked when I met them on Monday, but I didnāt, so at least Iāve done it now. Whatever the answer, at least I will know.
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Wow! So cool, well done x
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@Jennajen I was thinking about the same last night and realized, that Iām scared to open up, because I think others would see me boring or pathetic, etc. and the problem is that I think theyāre right.
But this whole stuff is not about others denying me but about me denying taking part in relationships, me denying to take the risk to have deep relationship with others.
The core problem is that I donāt have self esteem and thatās because earlier on I experienced denial in my family. I mean when I was a child I was rejected emotionally by my mother when I didnāt fit into her world or didnāt function the way she thought I should have functioned and as a kid I didnāt have any coping mechanism to deal with it, I was vulnerable and couldnāt do anything against it and got hurt.
I used to have social phobia and I wanted to suit everybodyās needs around, which is obviously impossible. But at a point I asked myself: if I would be a stranger would I like to be around myself? Around someone who wants to fulfill everybodyās expectations, or would I like to be around someone, who I may not like that much, but who is honest to themselves and self-identical?! So even if I would like to suit the needs of the not-toxic ones it means that I have to be myself. (And I shouldnāt suit the toxics.)
Now Iām an adult and am still afraid of these situations, although as I think about it deeply, I could handle being denied. I mean it would hurt of course, but I have lost so many things already, Iām sure I could survive a lot of things if I had to. I mean the worst case scenario is usually a lot less scary than I think. And if we can handle addition and sobering up and that bunch of shit we all have in our lives, couldnāt we handle someone not liking us?!
So when Iām afraid of these kind of situations and of being denied, I put myself into my childish role, and see it with my childish eyes and donāt consider that I have grown up and gained a lot of strength, experience and coping mechanisms in the meantime. These can protect me, so if Iām denied it would hurt but only on the surface and it wouldnāt affect or destroy the core of myself. I think we all are much stronger than we think. We can take that risk, but itās also a learning process, so we have to work on it and deliberately open up and step out of our comfort zones.
For me this book was a great help: Reneau Z. Peurifoy: Anxiety, phobias, panic. It has exercises, itās really practical.
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163 days. My Dad was diagnosed with liver cancer last month and both my sister and I found out from someone else. It took him almost a month to reach out to me and he has since spoke with my sister too. Surgery and treatment for him is extremely expensive. Although I donāt have a lot of money I offered him everything I have and have already sent a substantial amount. My sister talked to him about setting up a GoFundMe and to my surprise he agreed. My brother in law wrote something up and we all shared it yesterday. The donations and responses are so heart warming. Hopefully he can get the treatment he needs soon. Now that I have shared his diagnosis with people I know, I am struggling with accepting and part of me doesnāt want to talk to anybody about it. My emotional plate is overflowing and all these feelings are becoming overwhelming.
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@Yomomma congrats on double-digits 
and omg do you keep goats? I love goats, they are so funny 
@TSan congrats on 60 days, thatās awesome
@Butterflymoonwoman welcome back, youāve got this!
@Englishd congrats on the promotion
@PinkyP congrats on 30 days
@Mno I hope the group therapy went well? That has to be Luna under the covers, my Prince loves it there too 
@SoberWalker huge congrats on 800 days!
@Bomdhil congrats on your week
@Jennajen sending you strength and love, I know similar feelings all too well 
@Squirt so sorry to hear of your fatherās diagnosis, sending strength and prayers 
76 days.
Today Iāve had a rest day, mainly because I was stuck in waiting on two deliveries, but also because after both deliveries arrived earlier than anticipated, I did put my clothes and trainers on, but I couldnāt quite push myself to leave my flat. I donāt feel too bad about it, resting is allowed, itās a challenge to genuinely believe that most of the time, but tomorrow Iāll start again with the walking. I really struggled to sleep last night and insomnia is always a massive trigger for me, battled with my thoughts and eventually did fall asleep with the 5th sleep meditation.
Happy Thanksgiving to those of you celebrating!
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Day 4. Slept 12 hours and still feel tired. I am going to get my turkey on the smoker and push myself to go running. I know today is going to be tough without a beer, but I am focused enough to not give in to temptation.
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Big day for meā¦3 years sober! It took me many attempts to get sober but so pleased I stuck at itā¦I never thought it was possibleā¦but it is! Yeah
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Fantastic, i love reading posts like these. Huge congratulations 
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Great to see you Rob, especially with such amazing news! 
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Yes! We have quintuplets Nigerian dwarf goats. 2 girls and 3 boys. They are absolutely adorable and lovey! We just keep them as pets. But the bonus is they eat all the poison ivy and Golden rod around the house! The only negative is they poop everywhere and they eat our berry bushes 
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Day 10. Glad I made it to day 10. Worked hard today with no breaks. Just sitting behind my computer screen all day long while my husband is renovating the house. Still not finished working but I think Iāll continue tomorrow on my day off.
Had some short but nasty cravings yesterday, but I managed to leave them behind me.
Wishing you a very good evening all you wonderful people!
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Thank you! Itās a sport/smartwatch from Garmin. The type is a Vivoactive 3 music.
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Thankful to have a job, friends & family (even if i couldnāt travel to see them)
Distracted today with baking, workout & dog walk. Trying to prep for get together later. Hoping to stay strong
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Thanks! Iāll have to check it out, I currently wear a Suunto thatās similar but itās getting pretty old and beat up.
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Only five days, but wow ā¦ how good I feel! Pounding down Recovery Elevator podcasts and reading through these threads is feeding my soul! Struggling with insomnia and abdominal pains at night, but Iām not sure if thatās connected to stopping alcohol. Anyone know?
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Closing in on day 11š
Goodnight everyoneš¦¾
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@CapriciousCapricorn the strength of this forum has a lot to do with itš
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