@Mephistopheles how good it must feel to have 1,052 days! So good for you!!
Hey Michelle!! I am praying for your Dad!! What sad news. Sending you virtual hug! ((Hug)) 
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I have worked both in mental health and addiction care. I have no experience with PMO addiction though. How I understand it moderation is promoted only when people wonāt abstain and say so explicitly. This goes for substances and not for the behavioural addictions lik sex, eating, etcetera. Like Matt said PMO is not formerly defined as addiction yet, so there might be a problem in conceptualizating your problem by your therapist
In Dutch this treatment goal is called ācontrolled useā and I think that says it all as as I understand (my own) addiction these days. There is no such thing as controlled use for me and the only way is to be totally abstinent And for as long as I work in this field there has been discussion about the use of promoting 'controlled use". It really is a form of harm reduction for substance abusers that absolutely canāt or wonāt quit using. Itās one of the ideas behind giving heroin for free to heroin addicts here.
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Thank you @WCan you mention some important points:
A) The object (or unit) of analysis is important: what exactly is the problem? What is the symptom? Often they are not the same.
B) Therapists may ask questions designed to unpack underlying problems; though on the surface the questions may seem to permit potentially troubling behaviours, they may simply be a means of unpacking deeper causes.
C) Harm reduction has a place in safety, particularly in communities of addiction. Notable examples of this are safe injection sites for IV drug users.
It is significant in Oliviaās and my cases, that for both of us, PMO goes against our value system (what Olivia calls āmoral codeā). While the therapist, in the end, understood Oliviaās wish, she also seemed to be proposing moderation in PMO, to Olivia (or at least, it sounded that way to Olivia). I am sympathetic, and I understand what it may mean, to ask rhetorical or hypothetical questions as a means of getting at something deeper, but - there are many other statements or questions that could have been asked in that situation, to unpack the underlying issue. The question didnāt have to be about moderation. Itās understandable that Olivia and I would feel a bit off about that line of questioning.
I donāt want to get too āinto the weedsā of trying to guess what othersā intentions were & I recognize thereās a lot going on here. The simple fact is all we know for sure is that PMO is problematic for me and Olivia, in the same way alcohol is for many people here. It is possible to live a fulfilling life without PMO and we choose to do so. Therefore the āunits of analysisā include:
- Why did we begin turning to PMO as an escape and what events and feelings triggered and deepened it?
- What is our relationship with our sexuality? What is our relationship with our self? How has hypersexualized behaviour become a mask for something about ourself that scared us?
Moderation is not required to unpack those questions and in the experience of many people in addiction recovery, moderation clouds the issue. I certainly agree with you that psychological counselling has many avenues of questioning which can be used effectively in many hypothetical cases. However in our two cases, the question of moderation in relation to pornography and masturbation is not one that will help.
Thx again WCan, wishing you peace today 
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Day 5. Feeling really good this morning.
Thanksgiving was a bit dreary though. My mom was supposed to come over for dinner, but she found out she was potentially exposed to the virus from my nephew. That sucked bad. Turkey came out really good on my smoker though!
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Thanks Conor 
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This is amazing, Jan! Happy for you.
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- Afternoon check in. Very tired from my first schema group therapy session. The first out of a scheduled 60 as I found out yesterday. Quite a lot but then again quite some work to do. Like learning to be less stressed out by a gathering like this, both beforehand and during. It was good though, mainly filled with getting to know one each other a little bit and laying down some pretty strict rules about times, presence, and interaction. True therapy will start next week, got our first home assignment to make beforehand. Feeling a bit double about it, but willing to invest and do my very best to make it work.
Despite being exhausted I was happy to visit Rijksmuseum this morning, thereās currently an exhibition of two Dutch photographers Ed van der Elsken and Willem Diepraam. Despite Diepraam making aesthetically more pleasing pictures, I still like Van der Elsken better. Heās more into life. This my favourite pic of the day, Call and Ruby Black in front of their museum, Mojave Desert, 1960. Have a good day or night all. Sober and clean. Love from Amsterdam.
@anon89207786 Geweldig Jan! Super prestatie!
@anon89892515 600 is huge friend. Congrats!
@SoberWalker 800! Prachtig Claudia!
@Robketts Three years Rob! Totally awesome!
@AyBee Beautiful!
@everyone Keep going. One day at a time. Be proud. Weāre doing it.
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&
Welp, Iām back on Day #1, the power of being surrounded by drinkers having proved too much for weak-willed me on Thanksgiving. Did I overdo it? No, I did not. Am I pleased? Nuh uh. But Iāve been around this group long enough to have realized the importance of accountability and moving forward. I assume sobriety will be more of a challenge, but thatās okay. Iāve learned so much in the past 89 days (Yes, I slipped on DAY 90!!!), about how to stay sober, about the joys of sobriety, the relief of a fresh morning, that Iām simply picking myself up, brushing myself off and putting one foot in front of the other. The hardest part was coming clean to my 25-year-old son whoās been sober since August 3rd. He teased me, but also gave me support and admitted to being tempted this week. His conclusion: gonna take it one day at a time. My hero.
Anyway, here I am, warts and all, human as ever giving it yet another try. Immediate goal is to have a sober birthday mid December - thatāll be a first since age 18 - and Christmas. Ditto. Always did feel New Years was for amateurs. Hope to breathe a sigh of relief when I get to January and everyone else around me hits the pause button.
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@Figgie From my outside view, one slip where you didnāt overdo it out of 90 days is still inspiring. Keep on going. Thanks for sharing your story! Youāre helping me stay on track today.
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I am navigating my nic-fits beautifully. They come and I allow myself to feel them, not focusing on itā¦just allowing it to be. Then it leaves and I am back to feeling a little bit better about not succumbing to temptation.
I am however tempted to buy cigarettes for literally no good reasonā¦
Now I am having to navigate through these feelings before it becomes an obsessive thought.
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You can and you will beat that one too friend. Experiencing the craves, feeling and analysing them is an excellent way to beat them. One crave at a time. Now how to deal with obsessive thoughts? Again, by dealing with 'm. One thought at a time. Doing great.
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This is the 1st post I saw when I came on here today and it put a huge smile on my face.
Congratulations @anon89207786! Iām really proud of you my friend. Watching your growth has been such a pleasure.
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Looks like a nice place! Despite the smellā¦
I have found that interesting, going into places for the first time sober. Some places have a nice daytime vibe. Some places, well, donāt 
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Thank you for your kindness. Weāre all finding our way in our own way. The important thing is youāre here, Iām here and everyone else here is on a path to wellness and wholeness. Good for you!
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Hello all,
Checking in sober, but feel bad sluggish. Itās all good; issue is I ate way too much last night. Came home from a ride and was so hungry then hammered left overs from Turkey Day.
Other than that, itās a great day. Started with my first day at Fed Ex with orientation. Believe thereās a lot of opportunity with the company. Great news is - stay sober and all will be good. Thatās it, time to make it happen. Be safe everyone and have a great day!
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Expect what you expect. If you think it will be hard to achieve, it will be. I had the same thought process in the beginning, so I did everything possible to keep my self away from gatherings that had alcohol. Looking back, it was the best thing I ever did.
Live and learnā¦and get stronger.
You deserve a sober life
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Checking in at 183.52 daysā¦ I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving. My daughter hosted this year and it was absolutely perfect 
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