Huge congratulations friend. Super proud of you
1 Like
Day 298. Grateful, so much to be grateful for. Yesterday was a lonely Thanksgiving, I got two happy thanksgivings yesterday, one from my dad and one from @Dan531. Saw my family have Thanksgiving on FB and no invite. Yeah I was sad, but not going to mope and cry about it. My higher power is keeping me safe from something. My girls got to go to there motherâs grandparents, so Iâm grateful they still get to experience it. And I still got to go hit a meeting and felt better after. Sunday I will start my 4th and 5th step. Have a good day
31 Likes
Today is day 4, I got this message on my clock; ;A word of encouragement during failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success.
, Slept in today which has been nice. Not 100 % really,studying and lockdown has been me sitting on my arse most of the time, totally opposite to hairdressing and being on my feet for the last couple of decades!..
17 Likes
Hey @anon60334405, glad youâre still going strong , I havenât seen your threads for a while and not being with your girls on a celebration can be hard. It seems youâre coping with that well and Iâm sending HUGSâ:hugs:
1 Like
Thanks Mike 
1 Like
A little bit pregnant. 
I hear you and youâre definitely right. Not getting on here is usually my first mistake. I had a wonderful and busy Thanksgiving with family and most importantly I did it sober. Thanks for responding, I always appreciate your advice.
4 Likes
Nice one Jan!
1 Like
Checking in.
Inject time.
I added this to my list of things to do whenever I have a symptom I dislike (craving, depress, anxiety). You can always inject time into the problem.
Thatâs why we say itâs a process. A process take time, so sobriety does too. Itâs not just a thing we decide and then just get. We have to « work » our time. So when times are rough and I get agitated and my brain goes right back to thoughts of drinking for example, well I can remember that anyways thereâs no rush at all, there is always time. What is so urgent that I have the « urge » to drink my day? Nothing seriously. We make our own boundaries and goals and the pressure we put ourselves. Canât we just give ourselves a break?
I say yes.
Take the time for yourself today. Put perspective into problems, emotions, thoughts, difficult situation. Inject time into those so you can find some peace.
Thanks to this community again for your support of the last week, I needed to just get passed a certain point and now I feel stronger and at peace, surfing on the time I got on this planet - sober.
18 Likes
I had that experience with a counsellor early on, before I was even consciously thinking of PMO in terms of recovery. I was aware that something was out of balance, and I did share the masturbation / pornography problem with my counsellors when I would have sessions (we would cover a range of things and it often came up, because it was so common in my life). Usually they would take the time to ask, what does that mean to you; whatâs important to you about that?
This counsellor said, âWhat about using masturbation as a reward for getting done what you needed to do that day?â I couldnât quite articulate what I felt was off about that but I recognized the difference in perspective, and now that some time is passed I realize I would not want to continue with that counsellor.
Counsellors are not gods; they are not separate from the world; they are not immune to social tendencies in the world that promote certain modes of thinking and behaviour (and as we know nowadays, we live in a media and social climate charged with sexualized images and behaviours). I donât say that to be dismissive, and I acknowledge that for some people PMO may not be a problem (though to be frank pornâs ties to trafficking and exploitation I find very problematic). However itâs important to recognize that our counsellors live in the same world we do.
I find it helpful sometimes to speak their diagnostic language. In psychiatric / psychological terms, an addiction occurs when a substance or an activity is preoccupying you and causing suffering (to health or well-being) and you find yourself unable to stop. It is important to note here that pornography or masturbation are not formally defined as âaddictionsâ in current psychological diagnostic manuals, so it may help if you avoid that specific term when youâre presenting the idea. You could try terms like âdependencyâ, âunhealthy/unhelpful routineâ, etc. (âUnhelpfulâ is a nice, non-judgmental term that is often used in CBT psychological practice. If somethingâs unhelpful, itâs unhelpful, and we just work on changing it.)
âStick to your gunsâ as the expression goes: know what you want and be assertive to be sure the counselling is meeting your needs. If you feel the new counsellor can do it & itâs working for you, then great. If not, you have the right to ask for a different counsellor, and itâs nothing wrong with you or your old counsellor: youâre both being who you are and who you need to be, and thatâs fine. 
10 Likes
If I may add to what @Matt said, I would say that it depends. There might be a tendency in therapist in general to be suspicious that addiction is the « real » main problem - they might see it more as a symptom of underlying issues. When you think about that, it is not wrong at all, probably. So most of them will want to address that underlying issue in different ways. In dependency/addiction langage, it may be seem more as an « harm reduction » approach for the overall psychological health.
It is all a matter of whatâs the « fundamental unity of analysis » the therapist is focusing on. CBT for example is mostly based on the analysis of learning patterns (cognitive and behaviours). So the behaviours itself that seems problematic at first might not be the one to be removed or erase, but understanding the scheme or the pattern underlying it, the learning that might be reproduced in different spheres of activities might be a first step. So questioning the « why » of the decision of abstinence versus moderation is , in my own opinion, not necessarily meaning that the therapist is against your decision, but more like trying to understand what is supporting this decision.
And even like @Matt said about using your doc as a « reward » may be just a way to slowly change the way the behaviours is taking up on you. Sorry Matt I donât want to be intrusive at all, and I donât know the whole story and your relation with this therapist - but if I may, sometime if someone is not ready to stop his doc then if the goal of the therapy as of right now is to feel better overall, then harm reduction and moderation can seems to be good options for some. After that, the decision of abstinence is never the decision of the therapist. Everyone has to make their own choice about this and a therapist canât tell you what to do, either is to moderate or be abstinent.
Anyways, the most important thing is the relation you have with the therapist. This is the #1 predictive factor of a successful therapy. The approach or techniques are worth almost nothing (read like 8% of the success rate). So like Matt said, you can look for that at first. But like every relation it may need 2â3 sessions before you see how you feel in it.
So if you feel the relation was cool but the moderation discussion turned you off, I would recommend to just tell that your think this is something you need now and has worked for you and that you want to continue in that direction. If at that point she wants to change this, well sheâs not doing her job.
Good day and Hope you be well!
4 Likes
You should feel proud!! You did it!!
2 Likes
Happy Friday, everyone! Survived Thanksgiving and Iâm able say Iâm still sober Day 325!!! Looking forward to a relaxing day and to my daughterâs birthday tomorrow. Have a great day all!
19 Likes
6 days today. Started during a vacation (weird, right?). Got home last night. Woke up this morning and threw out a nearly-full bottle of vodka. My heart sank after I did it, which I didnât expect. I thought Iâd be happy, but I had to spend a little time mourning it. Iâm glad I did it. It was the right thing to do. Moving forward!!
29 Likes
Checking in, day 22. Iâm quite fine recently, somehow this mist of depression has been lifting and I start to find joy in everyday activities for what Iâm really grateful.
After a long break I started to play piano again. I re-started a few month ago but stopped after a few days - I hope this time I will be more persistent. I have recorded this song Iâm learning, although itâs not the final version, I still have to work on it.
31 Likes
That flew by! Congrats you crazy dutchie you!!!
1 Like
Just listened it and it felt very nice. Maybe Iâm emotional or itâs because I know a bit of how you feel these days, but the way your finger plays sounded very warmth and nostalgic, with fragile but talented hands. Thanks for sharing I hope youâll continue.
2 Likes
Thank you very much, Iâm really glad you enjoyed it!
1 Like
Checking in on day 166. I hope everyone in the US had a good, peaceful thanksgiving yesterday.
Thatâs about all I gotâŠnothing too special going on for me. Thankful to be sober and have all of you guys to lean on. Have a great one everybody.
22 Likes
