Very well said! You are a good person and also not an enabler. You did what you could, but at the end of the day, our lives are our responsibility. You made an executive decision about your life for your own outcomes. Be very proud for yourself.
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Thanks April. Yeah Faith hadnāt been around for like 3 weeks except for little bursts here and there. It was effecting me super bad and I tried to hang in there but thoughts of using and suicide were starting to enter my mind again and itās a very dark and dangerous place if I let it get there. I feel bad to for Faith I never got to talk to her. The alter named Sage almost seemed to be like a bully that suppressed Faith and wouldnāt let her out. I donāt know for sure but it was killing me to stay and Iām not qualified to deal with this level of DID.
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Thank you Shay, yea itās bittersweet. Iāve never been one to have boundaries and usually I stay in a relationship until Iām completely destroyed so this is a first for me protecting myself. Itās also the hardest thing Iāve had to do because a lot of people know how much I was in love with Faith. Thank you for your support I appreciate it very much.
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Im sorry its gotten to this. Your number one though never forget that. You have been through the ringer with faith but this is a different level of complicated that love isnt equipped to deal with solelyā¦ I hope you can find someone to talk to thats professionally experienced with this etc. Keep your chin up rob. You deserve to be happy and loved 
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Thank you very much April, Iām hoping to start therapy again after I heal from surgery.
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Checking in, itāll be day 102.
Had a reasonably good day! I will have fairly busy week coming up this week, but then it should get less busy. Christmas plans still a wee bit open because of covid. But I have lovely options regardless.
And a big thanks to @CATMANCAM and @M-be-free49! 
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Howās the crawling back up on the train is going? Havenāt got a lot of time last week to read everything here, but hope youāre feeling good.
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Thank you @Tomek I really do need you guys especially right now. I appreciate your support and feedback it means a lot!
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That sounds really rough ā¦ Iām so glad you decided to delete the email and to stay sober! Thatās a huge accomplishment when dealing with a hurtful email from someone you loved. I donāt have any wise words, but Iāve been there and I know how much it hurts. Iām so proud of you for staying strong! You got this. All the best for your pre-op appointments and the surgery! Way to go to keep taking care of yourself! 
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Thank you very much @Penguin I really appreciate it I need all the support I can get. What a wonderful thing we have here to walk each other through the hard stuff. Super grateful, thanks again.
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Checking in on 111 days sober. Having a lot of moodswings over the last couple of days ā¦ I will be moving back to my hometown in february, after almost 11 years of absence. Iām happy and terrified at the same time. Iāve never lived close to my parents during my adult life. I donāt have a job there (yet), still getting my degree approved. The only thing Iām sure of is that itās important for me to stay sober for this move. I have a lot of unresolved feelings and resentments regarding my home and my family. Itās important to be able to feel all of it in order to get a fresh start and build a life over there. Youāll hear all about it in february 
and lots of hiking pictures from the alps, Iām sure 
also want to join a support group once Iām there, that seems like a lot to deal with for someone in early sobriety.
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Today I am trying to stay positive. I am grateful and proud of myself for shaving off one addiction at a timeā¦one step at a time. However, my entire internal system is alerting me of a crisis. Red alert, red alert! So it has been exhausting trying to assuage their fears, to show them that there are no fires to put out.
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Feel the feelings, however do not overwhelm yourself. It is okay to feel the stronger ones a little at a time.
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Slow and steady wins the race, as the old saying goes 
. I feel ok. Just very emotional which is annoying. Iām eating my feelings this week so thank you uber eats for your unconditional reliability with feeding my emotions 
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Iām so sorry Rob. Altho youāre heartbroken it seems it was a good call to end the relationship. You have a lot on your plate with recovery, health issues, work etc. Those things alone can spread you thin. I hope Faith is receiving professional help too bc she seems to be struggling too. But thatās her recovery and you have yours.
All the best to you. Iām glad youāre ranting here It means you havenāt given up and just vanished into a bottle.
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Damned thatās a tough one Maria. Lots of tough ones. We are not perfect and striving to be the best we can be is all we can do. I know you are. Hugs.
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Iām sorry Rob. I donāt think you did anything wrong, in fact you helped her with getting a diagnosis which means at least a possibility of treatment and cure. Youāre a winner for keeping your sobriety through all this. Keep going friend.
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Right now in this moment I am not good, I am really nervous. The cases donāt go down in Germany and politicians were doing nothing strict just to keep xmas normal. Surprise, surprise, now scientists say with more voice that the virus doesnāt care shit about Xmas. Now, it is pretty sure that we will have a hard Lockdown at least until mid January. I am getting nervous. In my mind I already cancelled my plans to visit 2 friends of mine. I think I have to stay at home alone. The worst case for me would be Q for my move on Feb 1st. I have also no idea how to paint my apartment alone (not paint, painting is easily done alone but I mean the paper, donāt know the word). I feel that anger and helplessness increases. I am fucking powerless. I can only stay away from people as far as possible and donāt be quarantined. 
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Just going to bounce in here on day 200 
Hope your all doing good and keeping
strong
Have a lovely day/night/morning where ever you are 
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Last week I was totally a Uber-eater. This week we made a groceries so now I have to eat real food. But damn the struggle to not Uber eat is real glas youāre feeling ok.