Continuing the discussion from Checking in Daily to Maintain Focus #22:
17 days and killed it at the gym this morning! Have a great day everyone!
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@apes2020 @Piglet @Dragonflygirl82
Thank you all for your congrats and support. Couldn’t have made it this far without TS. That’s for sure!!
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Day 179 clean and sober today. Feeling really sad today. I blocked my ex on everything yesterday after I broke up with her and I spent most of the day second guessing my decision to leave. Although I broke up with the alter I guess it made me feel like I left Faith alone because it wasn’t her. A friend had me look up covert narcissist and wow that was 100% dead on for the alter named Sage. Even though I blocked her on everything I got an email from her on my old phone and I started to read it but I stopped and deleted it. She was saying things like I’ve never been good to her and that they were going to leave me anyway and that Faith was happy that I left too. I didn’t bother to read the rest. It hurts really bad to be told things like that after I literally poured my heart and soul into this. It also sucks because I couldn’t even talk to Faith, this was all coming from the alter named Sage who obviously hates me and wanted to destroy our relationship. I just really don’t understand why things were so good and then bam another alter shows up and destroys everything. I know it’s my fault because I’m the one that left but I couldn’t see any way that we were going to be able to work things out after reaching out to her in a kind way and getting nothing but negativity back. I don’t know what I did wrong to bring this other alter out and I feel like a failure again. I’m two days away from surgery and my hearts broken. I feel like I want to give up and say fuck the surgery and go get wasted and just end it but I won’t. I could never trust her again and that really sucks because I loved her so much. I know that I had to protect myself but it doesn’t make it any easier. I’m glad I didn’t read the rest of that email I think it would of sent me over the edge. Heading downtown to get pre op stuff done all day and wishing Faith herself would have been able to be a support for me through this but oh well I guess. Sorry for the long sad rant I needed to get it out. I love you guys have a great day today. 
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Woah… I haven’t been keeping up to this situation so please take anything I have to say with a grain of salt and I hope I’m not coming off as insensitive but… that entire situation sounds extremely exhausting. Dating someone with an alter ego and one of them hates you? That’s alot for one person to take on, especially whilst working on ones own mental health and drug or alcohol abuse issues. You’re definitely doing yourself a great service by eliminating that from your life.
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Thank you @Desire2ChangeToday there were actually 12 alters that I knew about but the one named Sage is the one that hated me. She appeared about 3 1/2 weeks ago and was consistently hurting me more and more on a daily basis. I held out as long as I could waiting for Faith to come back but she never appeared. Breaks my heart.
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That is so rough Rob, I just got caught up on everything. It’s not your fault, you did the right thing and the thing that was best for your health. You will get through the surgery and you will still be sober and kicking ass.
I know it’s tough but you absolutely did the right thing and you did what you needed to do in order to look after your own mental health. Stay strong man.
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Well done, lady. That is a massive accomplishment!!! Glad you’re back and active here, your journey is inspiring. I relate to so much of what you post. Thank you for being here!
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Thank you so much @Nordique I really appreciate the support it’s tough. I’m really grateful for you and everyone else here. I’ve leaned on you guys in the past and I’m going to need to lean on you through this too. Thank you for being part of my journey.
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Were those alter egos legit? Like, clinically diagnosed? I feel really bad for her, but the last thing she would need is to be dating right now. There’s alot of psychological help, emotional unpacking, medical help she needs. That’s insane. Literally. I pray the best for her but it’s definitely not your job to suffer through such psychosis.
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Thank you so much, Rosa. I appreciate your support and I’m happy that my experience is relatable to some. Always reach out if you ever wanna connect. 
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After ending a relationship you grieve and it’s totally ok. You did the right thing, you cannot let anyone to hurt you constantly in a relationship. If you do, than it’s not a relationship but self-destruction and you don’t do that anymore. Being hurt can be familiar hence tempting. But you have ended that cycle and it’s better than you think it now. Let yourself grieve and let it go. We’re here for you!
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Today is my 500! So you didn’t miss by much. Thank you lots.
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Wow. Im confused. Have you ended it with Faith, or just one of the alters? I recently watched the TV show the united States of Tara. Its a great fiction show about alters… Your strong to be experiencing all this so open mindedly. Its tuff stuff for people to wrap there minds around alters and how there system works etc. But to be experiencing it as strongly as you are, my heart breaks for you. Its hard work 
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Day 8…
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Yep they were all legit. I was the one who paid for her to get a proper diagnosis and had been there to support her through no matter what I went through. It was worth it to go through the abuse to be able to spend time with Faith but it’s so much different going through this sober. Aside from the fact that she knows she needs help but quit therapy and is not doing anything to address the problem. That was what was also going through my mind. I would never judge someone for having mental health issues but if you know you have a condition but are not willing to get help for it then I think that’s 100% irresponsible to you and to the other people in your life. What happened to me in my past is not my fault but how I deal with it is my responsibility I feel.
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I’m happy to see you make it past the 1st week Apes! Good s#$t!!! 
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