Thank you for you kindness and gentleness. It’s so easy to be unkind and and not gentle towards myself (I think we ourselves are our own worst critics so often).
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@Joby thank you for sharing that 
@Tomek feel better soon
@Luisa53 I’m so glad you’ve got your friend and dogs, prayers for your Mum
@MagicILY congrats on 2 weeks 
@cwak congrats on 3 weeks
@Jenni congrats on 2 weeks
92 days.
A rainy day here for me, so I decided against going out to test my feet on some short walks, maybe tomorrow
It’s Pokémon community weekend so I’ve been listening to music and playing that for a good few hours, didn’t think I could sit on my sofa for that long, but I soon got into it.
I had my last cigarette at 3pm and I’m not going to buy anymore, I feel a sense of peace about it. Still can’t believe I’ve just smoked for 8 days after over 7 months of quitting, but nevermind, it got me through a rough patch and stopped me from picking up my doc. I think now that I am over my previous relapse territory and the 90 day hurdle, I’ll be okay
Looking forward to getting back to my healthier habits. I’ve discovered I’m 3 seasons behind on Homeland too so I know what I’m watching for the next few weeks 
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Please don’t take a break because others don’t appreciate your shares. They have the option of scrolling past or blocking. If you take a break, others that truly appreciate your shares lose out and so do you. I for one appreciate you here and hope you go nowhere.
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@anon74766472 I agree with what others have said about staying unless the break is on your terms and for your own well-being. Well said, Michelle.
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I don’t know what you’re talking about but I very much appreciate your input on TS.
And I very much enjoy your post on stuff non related to recovery.
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I’m happy to see you came right back here @Milele. Be gentle and kind to yourself. Sending you lots of love. 
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Day 139- no smoking
Day 41- no PMO
Day 31- No weed
So yeah, I’m oficially killing these addictions. My life is going for the better even though I might not realise it all the time.
Going strong, as always 
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Thank you for being so kind. Much appreciated It was not easy write about the relapse here.
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I haven’t seen @C_8 around in awhile. But if you’re lurking, I thought you’d enjoy this one.
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Wow, thank you so much! That’s really good insight. You’re so kind. 
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Day 77. Pumpkin bread with cream cheese filling in the oven. It has been a really hard week. My ex popped back up like a demented, drunk Jack-o-Lantern to tell me how sorry he is for hurting me, and how he can’t live his life without me. I was so angry and upset, because I’d specifically told him that I do not want to speak with him if he’s been drinking. I sort of lashed out, told him that I don’t believe a single thing he says because he’s a liar, and told him that he’s one of the worst things that’s ever happened to me because his behavior not only made me stop trusting other people, it also made me stop trusting myself. I’m not proud of snapping like that, and honestly it’s just frustrating because I know he didn’t even register my words. He just kept drinking and woke up the next morning and didn’t remember our conversation at all, which I’m sure is why he called the next day and repeated his same conversation.
This has dredged up a bunch of stuff from my childhood: my dad is an alcoholic, and he constantly says things he doesn’t remember and repeats himself and antagonizes people and then just expects that everything will be fine the next day. So I’ve just been trying to work through my emotions about these repeating patterns in my life while dealing with a hectic week at work.
Okay. Enough whining. I’m glad to be checking in sober, and I’m so proud all of us for showing up sober, whether it’s a milestone day or just another Saturday, whether it’s a really great day or a really tough one.
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Couldn’t sleep well last night (it’s probably the weather change, ‘cause I’ve had a nasty headache too), and it’s been raining all day today - so, my son and I are binge watching Harry Potter movies 
. I promised him a homemade lasagna (homemade pasta, not just the sauce), and it really WAS delicious.
Tomorrow he has to do some of his English homework and then we’re to roll our sleeves and start making a small Christmas tree for his art class (he’s only nine, so we’re supposed to do it together).
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Such a good point, one day at a time! The only way to do it 
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Oh my dear one!
Yep, it’s difficult to post about relapse but you show humility and f*king backbone by doing that. Many don’t and are swept away by their doc. That is sad.
You’re not letting us down bc that’s not what we’re here for. No, not to judge you nor evaluate you but to support you and to cheer you on!
I have only compassion for you, dearest.
Now get back in the saddle!
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Thank you friend. Your words are appreciated.
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179 days. Feeling like I need to bubble wrap my emotional side today. I am feeling very vulnerable and easily hurt. I tried to explain this to my partner and will do my best to get through today.
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406 Days No Alcohol .
741 Days No Marijuana .
346 Days No Tobacco .
Feeling great feeling amazing no worries in the world i feel like im ready for a crazy happy sober saturday night !!
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Rough day
Fortunately, I had work to keep me going, just like I do each and every other day, pretty much. One of the good things about working 10 hours / day, 7 days a week is that it doesn’t give me all that much time to spend hating myself as much as I would otherwise. And when I’m not working, there’s always studying Japanese… fun in a nutty kind of way, but frustrating sometimes.
Today, I had been gearing up for the inevitable moment when I had to tell this woman (who for some unfathomable reason was interested in me) about my little “health problem” that has kept me alone for over 15 years now. I knew that this moment was coming, it always does, but it still sucks when I have to drop that hammer and - once again - prove to be as much of a disappointment as usual. If ever there was a day when I wish that I could just drink myself to death, today would be one of those days.
I’ll never make it another 15 years this way, and I really wish that it were all just over and that I could just be gone.
I’m sorry to be a downer with my constantly negative posts… in fact, that’s why I pretty much just limit myself to saying “goodnight” most days, i don’t like bringing other people down, and - despite the fact that I’m doing it now - I really hate talking about how I feel, mostly since I think that my feelings aren’t worth shit in any case.
You would think that after all of this time, what with being (going on) 32 years after my “best before date”, that I would have grown accustomed to depression.
I guess that I just need more practice.
Sorry to be such a f*****g drag, everyone.
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Mel congrats on 869 days .
Its okay to cry let it flow freely this virus is affecting alot of people sadly 
my Mother tested positive couple days ago means i cant go see her anytime soon holidays ? This is nuts 
But we have to do what we can. Dont be afraid grab tight were going to get through this 
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Please don’t feel sorry. Reading shares like yours allows me to not feel so alone. For me not drinking is the easiest part. Feeling the feelings and working through them is where the struggling begins. Identifying the feelings and talking about them provides me relief. I’m not going to say it’s easy but it does get easier and seeing any progress is worth it.
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