I have bookmarked this so I may return to it often. Absolutely brilliantly written; your words touched me and allowed tears to free flow. Thanks so much for sharing. It’s my pleasure being on this journey together 
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Not feeling at my best today. Not really wanting to deal with anything today.
But I’ll take care of what I have to and stay sober.
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Geesh… Well, you’re trained. Glad that you’re alright.
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Day 99: Uf. Rough night, rough morning. My poor buddy, sick old boy. We’ve upped his meds again today seeking comfort for him. We got comfortable in the stage where he was and as things progress our heartache is fresh again. He’s still here, but we are already grieving, that seems clear now. Lots of tears. Big feelings, big love and big sadness. Some moments I am not proud of, irritability and lashing out, and I am trying so hard to knock that shit off! What the fuck is wrong with me! I know it’s normal and I blow it up in my head after the fact and my husband says it’s nothing but I do NOT accept that behavior and am working on it. But, as always, I go back to big gratitude, so much! For having my husband with me through this together, for this amazing dog we have had since he was small enough to fit in our hands, and for the lessons that the love of a dog teach us. He’s doing well right now, so I reluctantly peel myself away from his side to do housework, but my husband’s got his eye on him. We are so scared that he will be alone and scared as he passes and we are doing everything in our power to not have that happen, but I am still terrified. Feeling stronger than ever in my sobriety because of all of this. No way am I going to fuck this up.
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Thank you… I am happy it resonates with you, even if it is not really an happy feeling. We go through some serious changes, and personally I often forget how far I was into addiction. I don’t really forget, but I mean, when I go through my days and daily tasks, sometimes I face some walls and hard feelings and I don’t have an instant enlightenment of the reasons why those happen. Some are just normal feelings, and some are deeply related to my old self, which is still very much alive in me. I’ve been nourishing the addictive part of my self for more than 10 years and I’ve been sober for only 3 months (today). Of course the part of me that I am choosing to nourish since September with the decision to go sober have been nourished and explored before. I am certainly not totally brand new… but as expressed in my previous post, it is often hard to keep going in a direction while ignoring an hurting part of myself - even if I don’t want it anymore.
Today is a good day to take care of ourselves. I’m grateful to be sharing this journey with you also.
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182 days. Not sure how to explain where I’m at right now. I’m feeling very meh about anything and rather flat. Going from an overload of emotions to this is confusing. I know it too will pass but am finding it odd.
Can’t quite get in the spirit of the holidays. Over the years I have lost 6 people, that were close to me, in the month of December. I don’t have the overwhelming sadness that would previously find me drowning my sorrows but am feeling very disconnected this month. Tomorrow I am six month’s sober and I’ve made plans to go into the city for a nice supper with my man. Haven’t decided where I wanna go yet but am looking forward to having an adult only meal that is celebrating my strength. My man noted he wants to go in earlier and go to the mall as he wants to get me something for Christmas. I have procrastinated so badly and have yet to get him anything. I haven’t been able to decide what to get him. I really want to find something symbolic of my love for him. Part of me would like to write him a poem about his heart being safe in mine but it’s been a long ass time since I’ve done any writing. I get anxiety at the thought of having nothing yet. Hopefully some idea will just jump out at me tomorrow and be easily purchased at the mall. . .one can hope hahahahahaha.
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How about a key chain with an inscription? For starters, lol Have fun on your date!
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Day 333 no drugs. It’s been a good day. My routine is holding up and improving. I have three diffetent sober timers.right now. Here follows the newest one Lol. God bless you all. 
&
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Laughing at addiction friend!
Lady Joy yay!!! 500 days smoke free is just totally freaking awesome friend! Huge congrats. And the same amount of congrats to @ICanAndWill for a month of freedom form cigarettes & @I.cant.We.can on 3 weeks & @Thirdmonkey for his two weeks without tobacco. That’s about the toughest trigger you’re ever going to face Scott. You kept your cool. Hope you’re OK. All awesome work friends!
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Thai people have a weird sense of humor. And are very sensitive to addiction too. At least in my family over there.
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I know you know what 500 feels like but different addictions are worth their own celebration
Congratulations 
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I look forward to reflecting over this year closer towards new years eve because this year has been my most uncertain/ mentally depressing / growth driven / risk taking / ripping the bandage off / facing my problems / spirituality seeking / self authenticating / self destructive / self growing / etc year ever. It’s been high, low, sad, exciting, infuriating, frustrating, pressure building, cornered, proud, disappointing and every other extreme you can think of. All of which wouldn’t have ever been felt while being numbed down by vodka. Life is a basket of emotion, I think it’s best to address each and every one of them with a clear mind and clean body, no matter what the outcome leads to. Next year will be even harder.
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Sounds like a hell of a year but it sounds like you’re doing it right 
. Keep up all the hard work!
4 Mont -120 day Sober 
I am very happy …
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Im so sorry Rosa. I know how it feels. It’s the worst fucking feeling in the world. If you could only talk to them. Or get them to understand something about what is going on. And all you can do is guess work. Try this. Try that. And of course love the heck out of them. I am positive you are being the best loving mother to Chucho that you can be. He’s so lucky to have you guys.
Try not to be too hard on yourself and keep him as comfortable as possible.
Praying for you guys.
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Welcome to triple digits, congrats to you! You’re doing great and I truly value your contribution to this thread. Keep working it mate. 
Blessings and sobriety!
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Oh Rosa, my heart aches for you and hubby, and big love to Chucho.
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I’m happy for you too, congratulations 4 months is some great going
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