Day 60 free from Meth, and today I’m feeling fine. My 2nd highest day count so far so I can feel happy with that.
Almost finished my first music production since going sober (which has been the biggest mental hurdle of the whole process as i’ve never written sober before). Excited to be hopefully getting back to where I left off in 2015/2016.
Hope you are all keeping well x
I totally do understand bc I felt like that for decades. No pills, I have to do it myself. Medication is the easy way out. That was crazy bc in the meantime I boozed and drugged myself like hell, trying to self medicate all the time. There was one time about 15 years ago I felt I really had to do some antidepressants bc I thought otherwise I’d die. But I wanted to quit those as quick as possible and was seriously pissed off I had to stay on them for a year or so. While continuing to drink and drug.
This time around it is different. Around the one year sober mark I really got depressed again and after much thought and discussion I decided to try another antidepressant. It was a much more conscious choice of myself this time, better thought through and more my own idea instead of putting my health and fate in the hand of an external factor, albeit a doctor, a pill, or booze and such. I started with the lowest possible doze (of venaflaxine) and have stayed on that dose since, for a bit over four months now. I resisted my doctor who wanted to up the dosage. I feel this drug has given my brain just this little bit extra to get the rest of my life moving. Just this little push. I still do all the work, it’s just I’m capable to do it where I wasn’t before. I’m still able to feel and experience my high and lows. I still have my high and lows, I think because of the low dose I take. I don’t feel it’s an easy way out at all to take those pills. Instead the medication is giving me the possibility to do the hard work, work I wouldn’t be able to do when I was still in this dark space I was before. I’m doing group therapy and it’s very though. If I was in my depression I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to do it. The pills have given me just that little push that has made change possible for me.
OK, enough. I’m not trying to convince you and I’m with you 100% procent whatever you do Mike. You triggered me by your remark that you want to do it yourself bc I thought so myself for so long. No offence btw, but it did trigger this response. Be good friend. you’re doing great. Keep going.
Not weird at all friend. Complicated we all are. You’re a human bein. I’m glad you are here. At your own pace, when you feel you need it. That’s what this is about. Congrats on 698 days, that’s enormous. Have a good sober night Drknite.
Don’t be sorry, I’m so glad you shared! 
Almost 200 days! 
Girl, you’re rocking it!!!
I can understand the not wanting to celebrate Christmas. Bad childhood memories here, too. But we’re free to make Christmas what we want despite the past things.
You’re such an amazing lady, with the care and support you offer to others. I see you as kind of an big sister, it’s so lovely 
Thank you, Brian…
My heart goes out to you, sweety. I’m so sorry.
hugs
Welcome to triple digits, keep on stacking them days. 
Blessings and sobriety!
60 days is awesome, congratulations and remember if you work it it works. 
Thank you menno I do appreciate your response man. It comes down to more of a fear thing, I’m afraid to try the pills bc well before they didn’t help. And they may not have helped because I was drinking and drugging. I’m just afraid of the whole idea of it. I am still going to go into the conversation with the doctor tomorrow with a open mind and listen to what she has to say. If she really suggest that a medicine could be of some great bennefit to me then I may take it. But im really hoping she says this is just part of the process for me and will get better.
153.11 Days
Thank you em that means alot 
Day 23. So tired, I’ve been up with my 2 1/2 year old since 3:00 a.m. and it is now 5:30ish and she’s sleeping like an angel but I have to stay up and start my day. 
I’m so thankful to be sober right now though because if I would have taken my usual combo of Adderall and painkillers, I would have been just falling asleep when she woke up and it would have been a nightmare. Instead I was asleep by 9:00 last night so by 3 a.m. I had a nice 6hours in so I really can’t complain. I just feel so much more relaxed, I notice it the most when things go wrong. I’ve had a little issue with my car, I deliver food for a living so my car is super important, instead of losing my shit I just stayed calm. My job is fairly new so we’re used to being a one income family so I just reminded myself of that. I normally get so angry about every little tiny inconvenience but lately I’ve noticed I’m not going into panic mode ALL the time. Seriously writing all that out feels so great. For the first time I can see the difference sobriety makes in not just my health but my happiness. I read everything on this thread and follow some others, I don’t comment on people’s posts too often but I’ve been very consistent with posting daily to check in. Everyone here has made a huge impact on my sobriety. I’ve relapsed over and over and over since I’ve joined this forum and I’ve always been welcomed back and lifted up when I’m down. I just wanted to send a GIANT thank you to everyone on TS. Have a great day sober warriors. 
I found Tara brech…learning to respond…from this forum…she is very calming and intuitive.was really helpful to me. Hope it helps you 
I am day 3 from last drink…I’ve had mostly a sober December, nearly 3 weeks with a couple of quite bad binges. Taking time out to think about this day sober.
Day 344!
Been living life. Going through hard and good times… Lot’s of cravings unfortunately 
Most important thing is to learn to trust yourself IMO. The doctor may be smart but you know yourself best. Like my doctor wanted to up my dosage but I said no. After talking to my bestie btw, who convinced me to listen to myself more, to think about what my realistic goal was by taking medication, and less to what the doctor said and thought. We have to learn to take our lives in our own hands. And, speaking for myself again, not in the way I have done and felt forced to do since I was a small child but like an adult instead. We truly have this Mike. This is our life.
I’m glad that you’re back!
