Thank you for the advice, I will definitely check her out.
Michelle - that was really thoughtful of you to say, I so appreciate it. You are likewise unapologetically you and I can really hear your voice come through your posts. Iām so sorry youāve been going through such trials lately and I hope some peace comes your way soon. Sending mutually beneficial hugs 
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Thatās simply wonderful. Sometimes I wonder if our longtime partners realize how much these little statements mean to us. It doesnāt take much to really validate and encourage us along, does it? Perhaps I should be more transparent about that in the future instead of remarking on it on your post 
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I can really relate to what you posted. I also realized that this feeling is one of the āreasonsā I used to drink. I was stuck, so rather than figure out how to get unstuck, I drank. Thus getting more stuck. A bad cycle. All the time we have on our hands can feel burdensome, or even overwhelming. I hope that you can start to see it as an opportunity, which is what Iām working on, and understand that it doesnāt all have to happen at once, either. I suspect people who we see and think they know exactly what they want to be doing with their life also have those feelings of anxiety or uncertainty about the future. Itās a very human feeling. Thanks for you post, because it got me thinking!
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A lot of stuff going onā¦
Operation on the 21/12ā¦
So apologises that Iām not commenting nor likingā¦ Struggling so much!!!
However
Day 138 Drugs
Day 87 Sex
Day 3 Cigarettes
Just keep going, even when it gets more sticky!
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Hang in there, youāre such a strong woman!
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Tagging @anon60334405 just because.
Thank you, Menno, for this post. I have heard the author Elizabeth Gilbert talk about her choice to take antidepressants as giving her a stable platform from which to operate, that it gave her a reassurance that she would not go lower than that point. Which was a life threatening point. And that she could do the hard work, as you say, that is no less hard now, but it frees her up to make more progress than she would have, partly because the fear and anxiety associated with depression was alleviated, also. Thus, antidepressants can be seen as just another tool in oneās toolbox. I think this could be why people often stop taking them because meds can be seen as a silver bullet fix, when they are truly not. Thanks again for sharing.
And Mike, thank you as always for sharing, too. Hope youāre hanging in there.
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For what its worth menno thank you for being here to support so many of us very consistently, now go and safely get the support and help you deserve just as much at therapy today. Like you said to mike weāll support you either way.
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Early wake up today here. Instead of going back to bed going to try starting my day like any other. Time for coffee, prayers and gratitude.
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Hey! 
Same here. Hope you have a great day!
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Good morning everyone!!! Great day today watch the traffic everyone on the east coast looks rough but beautiful wish we could have some snow out here in Las Vegas NV. I love the snow. Off to a sober day planning on making good choices. Bless you all!
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Iām doing better. I hope you all donāt think Iām saying itās a easy fix for you because Iām not. Iām talking strictly for me, not any of you. If anti depressants and all that works for you guys then thats great itās not me jugding you in anyway at all. Itās me judging myself and figuring out what my motives in wanting the medicine is, is it for the right reason or is it for a easy way out for myself. Now I may have some depressing days, but I tried hanging myself 318 days ago so thatās why Iām hessitant on taking the medication, Iām not even remotely close to that depressed, but I wonder if I am just procrastinating things and thatās why Iām depressed and donāt get shit done. But plz if any of you take medicine donāt think Iām picking on you, Iām simply looking at myself not any of what you guys do.
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Good morning Rosa š
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Day 318. Things are good and realizing what Iām going through is a grieving process from doing six and 7, reading a book called drop the rock is helping realise so much. In asking God to humbly remove my defects itās natural to become sad, and grieve because well he doesnāt just up and take the defects. He provides us with the tools, and itās painful working on removing our defects specially when itās been a ingrained habit for the last 15 years. So with that you have to work the 6 and 7th step for the rest of our lifeās and drop the rock. Iām going to write down my defects on pieces or paper and throw them into a jar, each day when I wake up I will pick one piece of paper out of the jar and focus only on that defect, so depression, anger, lust, bad pride, envy, greed, anxiety are just a few Iāll come up with more and each day I will work only on that defect. One thing the book says, when we find ourselves getting angry or defensive or find someone obnoxiously annoying. Itās because they are mirrors of are defects and I really liked that part bc holy fuck is it true lol. Anyways much love
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Dang lil sis Iām really sorry that youāre having such a hard time. Thoughts, prayers and love heading your way!
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I hear what youāre saying. Good luck with your appointment - I think you have a good attitude going in with an open mind but cautious about intentions.
Day 188 clean and sober today. Wow Iām amazed at all the support and wisdom I see everyday here! @anon60334405, @Mno, @RosaCanDo, @Squirt, @anon79808082, @M-be-free49, @anon27760155 and many more, itās so awesome to see everyone hold each other up!!! Went to a zoom meeting last night and will be going to an AA meeting this morning with my roommate. I heard a lot of people in the meeting last night talking about going crazy in sobriety because they werenāt working the steps. Their mental health was suffering immensely but improved drastically once they began working the program so off I go. Iām forcing myself to go because what Iām wanting to do is isolate which is not good at all. Hope everyone has a wonderful day, love you guys! 
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Day 101: Mornings are peaceful, thank the universe for that, Chucho seems to get a break in the early part of the day from his incessant hacking cough, and his āattacksā have only happened in the afternoon to night time period (so far). Sleep happened, I know it did, but it doesnāt necessarily feel like it. Every cough wakes me with a start, and I have to watch him until I see the breath normalize and then settle myself back down, too. I just wrapped up morning pup routines, everyoneās fed and medicated and pottied and now Iām sitting watching the morning and drinking my tea. Contemplating turning the news radio off, but itās the small piece of news media I consume nowadays, so Iāll listen a bit longer. I think I will finally bake those bran biscuits for Chucho and Lupe (but mostly for Mr. Chooch). Itās looking like my first year sending Christmas cards will be New Years best wishes instead, and Iām okay with that. I did a better job last night keeping my mouth shut, walking away and breathing when I felt irritable/angry/resentful. This type of outward expression is not new for me, but I can see it is how I am processing emotions and I am working on shifting that to healthier ways. First step is to tell my husband when I recognize what Iām feeling - naming it is important and leads me to get closer to the root causes. I was able to do some more of this last night. Iām so impressed by my husband because I was taking about something completely different and being pissed off and he stopped me and said, āIām sad about our dog, too.ā He hit the nail on the head.
Sending big love,
fam.
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184 days. Did a lot of reading on here last night and was able to unpack on my personal daily check in and through some messaging. I was only able to eat a muffin yesterday and will try hard to eat better today. Finally fell asleep around 1ish and awoke at 7 as my son & his roommate got ready for work. I definitely need to get some more sleep and will make that a priority today. I am staying at my sonās to give my man some time and space to make some decisions. I have confronted his uncertainty about wanting to be in this relationship and have chose to leave his house while he does some serious thinking and makes some decisions. I have been working hard on myself and this relationship and am by no means ready to give up. I have come to the realization that I want to live life together no matter what lifeās terms look like. I am trying hard to have no expectations of what his decision will be. I have even tried to process what I can and will do should he decide to end it. I am going to accept his decision either way and will walk through the feelings as they arise. It felt so good to be told he missed me already yesterday. Itās only been a day and this morning I will discuss with him what he feels is fair for a timeline for him to make a decision. I also need to tell him that I believe he loves me. I said some things I regret and need to apologize and take some things back. However long this may take, itās not going to be easy but I will get through it sober. Again thanks to all of you for being here.
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Thank you @RosaCanDo, i almost didnāt post because it felt off. But i relate to what you said. Guess i drowned my free time, filling out up with āpartyingā. Now kinda feeling lost without a purpose, just letting the days roll by. With all this sober time - every minute feels like a lot - i feel i need to find something bigger some how.
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