I have a saying that I like “it’s in the pasta, so spaghetti about it 
”… Get it? It sounds like “it’s in the past, so forget about it” lame dad joke I know lol. But if you say it with an Italian accent to your self every time you catch your self down unnessasary Memory Lane etc… I think is funny 
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it’s always an idea to glance back over our shoulder and remind ourselves not to go back there. We don’t have to live in the past but it’s nice to know how far we have come. Well done on your 1000:sparkles:
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You gotta have your own home hun 
I can just imagine every comedy movie with in-laws and all the drama that happens, but you have it under your roof 24/7 yikes I don’t know how your doing it!?.. 2021 goals- your own home for your own imediete family ice cream queen needs her own castle to chill in girl!!
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day 17… Woke up at 6am. Our weather is insane. It’s freezing cold here today!?! We have had heat waves this whole last week and today boom it’s Antarctica so weird. Our earth is moody for sure I don’t blame her. She is not loved the way she should be by us humans lol…so I’ve woken up feeling good. Going to meditate to keep me on my High flying disk so. To speak so the energy vampires don’t kill my vibe today lol… I have literally been avoiding speaking to anyone I know lately because being an empath, it is so hard and I get so energetically drained so easily. I’m working on this so I have more control… I don’t mind stopping a stranger in the street or in the park on my morning walks that has dog with them lol, I love a good morning chat with people out walking there dogs, that makes me happy, because generally there is no negative energy there, it’s just love a round lol, so it’s kinda like I’m filling up my good energy vortex in the mornings by engaging with the morning dog walkers and there dog also, people out in the morning doing there walks etc are just very jolly folk!! Do you Know what I mean? Like between the hours of 5am and I’d say 7-8am, everyone out walking is just so jolly and polite and always exchanges a slight head nod hello or a chirpy hello in passing each other! Especially when I get to the beach area, oh the hellos are extra good there lol!! Beach dog walkers are the best kind of morning folk! If you want to meet new pleasant humans, go to the beach at dawn and walk the shore line and I guarantee you, you will walk away feeling better than you did when you arrived after engaging with morning beach dog walking folk lol! 
so weird. Our earth is moody for sure I don’t blame her. She is not loved the way she should be by us humans lol…so I’ve woken up feeling good. Going to meditate to keep me on my High flying disk so. To speak so the energy vampires don’t kill my vibe today lol… I have literally been avoiding speaking to anyone I know lately because being an empath, it is so hard and I get so energetically drained so easily. I’m working on this so I have more control… I don’t mind stopping a stranger in the street or in the park on my morning walks that has dog with them lol, I love a good morning chat with people out walking there dogs, that makes me happy, because generally there is no negative energy there, it’s just love a round lol, so it’s kinda like I’m filling up my good energy vortex in the mornings by engaging with the morning dog walkers and there dog also, people out in the morning doing there walks etc are just very jolly folk!! Do you Know what I mean? Like between the hours of 5am and I’d say 7-8am, everyone out walking is just so jolly and polite and always exchanges a slight head nod hello or a chirpy hello in passing each other! Especially when I get to the beach area, oh the hellos are extra good there lol!! Beach dog walkers are the best kind of morning folk! If you want to meet new pleasant humans, go to the beach at dawn and walk the shore line and I guarantee you, you will walk away feeling better than you did when you arrived after engaging with morning beach dog walking folk lol!
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Lol we are a special breed aren’t we. It’s a good thing you still remember that day like yesterday, i think we get in trouble when we forget. Good job on the tobacco too
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Today was good
Shoveled for me and a friend and ate a meal my friend baught
I never ended up getting paid by the landlord for shoveling but that’s ok. I got food, shelter, warmth, and a bed. To me that’s a good turn out
Starting to get dark here at 4:30pm
No problems today
I don’t mind snow when I only have a little to shovel
Can’t fight the weather so might as well go with the flow 
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Goodnight everyone
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So, kind of a big week for you. Someone pulled a gun on ya 
that’s got to be scary. I’m so glad your ok. You are ok 
And now you got a 1000 days AF 
Good luck with the cancer sticks. Among other things, when I quit that filthy habit, I had a nice pair of worry beads in my pocket at all times. Gave my hands or fingers something to do all the time.
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Thanks so much for your response! I do feel however that I’m entitled to feel that loss. I was always the strong girl who kept going and see the positive sides of life. That’s my vulnerability too. When I had to give a presentation at school for all the parents, I got a phone call that my mom and dad couldn’t make it cuz she was psychotic and burnt herself in that state.
I thought I was a strong person to just give that presentation and don’t say a word to anyone. That’s how I lived my life for years. I found out that this isn’t something to be proud of. Being vulnerable is also a strength. But I’m pretty scared of it at the same time. Not having a mom or a dad and having a little child is scary for me. I have some good role models around me, but it’s not as rooted as your own mother and father. Which is more complicated since I’m adopted. So I was left behind twice. Don’t mean to write a son story, but I feel that I’m legitimate to feel a real loss. I’ll get over it real quick and feel that same way once a year maybe. Let me feel sad for a while.
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Of course anytime tom you said it perfect we found it 
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Checking in December 17
Iam grateful that iam employed
In these hard times and winter season i never take a day for granted or the things i have today i feel accomplished tired exhausted sure but nothing beats a productive day !
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Feeling those feelings are beneficial for sure. They heal and strengthen us
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26 days behind me. Wrapping up the day.
I’ve been a bit surprised at how little I’ve been struggling with staying away from alcohol. But today, out of nowhere, I had a RUSH of negative thoughts flood my mind. Regrets, shame, embarrassment, anger … all at once. I briefly wrestled with the thought of going to the store. BUT NO. That won’t help anything. It hit me that I’ve been taking the ease of my sobriety journey for granted. Perhaps a pink cloud of sorts. I have to fight for this. It’s not an automatic victory for any of us.
It’s Thursday night in America and alcohol still sucks.
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Checking in day 27. I had to change my routine today to stay sober and I’m so glad I did! Thursday’s are a big trigger due to me getting home so much earlier than my spouse so I’d have time to drink and hide it before he got there. I heard that voice whispering “no one would know” on my drive home and I knew if I sat at home alone I would cave. So I spend the evening getting a pedicure instead and it was so much more rewarding.
sobriety and integrity intact… and my toes are sparkly! 
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Day 82. I spoke with my dad this evening, and told him I was 82 days sober. “That’s very precise,” he said. “Are you seriously counting every day?” I told him that I am. I need to focus on this, because it’s important to who I am and my health. He seemed to accept that, but then joked, “you always were kind of obsessive about keeping track of things.” That’s probably true. But I’m finally keeping track of something that’s useful to me, so I think I’ll just carry on.
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Keep on counting dads always have awkward responses lol at least mine does! you are doing awesome!! 
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You are a brave one … I ate an apple yesterday as part of my healthy diet and …yep a part of my tooth as well ! I soon will be in the chair of horrors . Well done and all the best 
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An excerpt in the Big Book just totally spoke to me. . .“When I’m afraid, I reach for the hand of another alcoholic to steady me.” I am so thankful for this community and it doesn’t matter where I am in my sobriety, I need to be here.
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A lot of us have similar thoughts Blake , you are doing the right thing to recognise your thoughts and emotions. Work hard on the triggers and you will break the cycle , build up that toolkit and you will prevail
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