Been i think 2 days since I checked in. It has been a very rough 48 hours, not because of alcohol, just life stuff. I was on here and reading as much as I could but didn’t really feel like commenting. I can say just getting on here and reading helped me a lot. I can also say without a doubt if I had been drinking it would of been way worse. I’m happy to say I made it through and have 21 days. Thank you all! I hope everyone is doing well!
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Checking in day 539 no drugs no alcohol
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Day 22 check in, no alcohol. And no weed for 21 days, so another three-week milestone!
Made a tasty Saturday night mocktail — carbonated some apple cider and water in a DrinkMate, added some N/A orange bitters, black walnut bitters, angostura bitters, and a slice of orange. Delicious!
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Whoa, there are N/A bitters? Never knew that! Cool!
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Yes! Fee Brothers. Should be able to order online if you can’t find them in your area. These are the flavors I have but there are SO many. Great for making mocktails or just putting a dash in some seltzer/club soda.
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As always, thanks for the support! Things feel overwhelming at times but I like your posts where you say you thank god you’re sober this year. I know I’d be a worse wreck about my dog and everything else if I wasn’t sober right now and I remind myself of that all the time.
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Day 173 winding down… (actually, just rolled over into Day 174)
Better. Still hard, but better.
Have been here, in this city that used to be home, for 2 weeks. Eight days sorting Mom’s old suite - (boxes and boxes of her life to donation, bags and bags of life to recycling) - and she is now in her new small room. Four visits with her during the 8 days - beautiful. Every day at this point is a gift, every little conversation. A couple of long work days of zoom meetings to end the week (with camera off - deep dark circles under my eyes). Managed to see some pals from a distance yesterday and today - did my heart a world of good. And now I am looking forward to getting on the highway to go to home - hopefully arriving tomorrow night. Two weeks off. (Deep exhale).
Of course I thought of drinking these last few weeks, but not as a craving, more as a “hey - there’s a liquor store you used to stop at, M… Could you imagine how much of disaster this trip would be if you were still drinking?” and I would shudder.
Every day can throw us something new. It doesn’t matter what it is. I don’t drink.
G’night, beautiful sober pals. Thank you for being here. 
Missed some events around here…
@Lisa07 15 months - yessss! counting months and years and decades for you, my friend, one day at a time.
@anon79808082 congrats on 200 days! And this year of all years, hey?!
@SoberWalker a druggist, not a druggie! Go you! That’s amazing.
@IcanIwill congrats on getting into nursing school - super exciting.
@Mno chin up, you’ll land on your feet, friend. 
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Thank you M!!
I know that feeling of cleaning out mom’s place. Kudos to you for maintaining sobriety during such a difficult time. Be safe traveling back home.
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- Home. Got some corona symptoms so I was tested yesterday. Result is negative. It’s probably just a case of man flu. Still this covid thing complicates stuff. Shortage of health care workers so I want to work. But also I don’t want to run the chance of infecting the residents. Hm. Will talk about retesting tomorrow if the symptoms persist or get worse.
Unrelated, I got into another dispute with my bestie. Won’t get into specifics but it does affect me greatly. Way too much actually. One of the things I’m trying to work on in therapy. For now I’m back to bed. Have a good Sunday all. Sober and clean. Love from Luna and me.
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156 Days
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Hey Mike, that’s really good you’re in tune with your body. how amazing is that?!..deep breathes,and keep paying attention to your Self as you’re doing … 
…
I have had probs with pharmaceuticals in the past and definitely hyper sensitive…Prozac was one,I ended up in A and E with the mental health crisis team because I was pretty crazy after a week on it,…
Realised I had to work out the balance myself cos the drugs didn’t work for me… unfortunately tho I had a couple more decades of drug and drink abuse to avoid working out that balance myself 
Your doing great Mike,
whatever is going on for you will work itself out,.
Trust your own judgement of your own body and what it needs., if it feels ‘physically’ uncomfortable, , just communicate.
You’re the best, M. So considerate and loving. Thank you. Safe travels, sweetie. 
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Good going! Very happy for you…
Rest up, Menno. Sending love to you and sweet Luna. I’d be sitting right there with her, 
Big hug coming your way sweetie. You’re a beautiful and loving person.
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Beterschap Menno! 
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2nd check in… Its 10.25pm… Laying in bed listening to 40hz on in back ground as I settle in for the night… Planning on going to an actual yoga class tomorrow so that will be a nice change. Haven’t been into a studio since march when covid shut down first hit here…today was a good day. No cravings or thoughts of using. My mind is calm 
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Checking in on day 26. Bad headache this morning so I will probably just stay in bed most of the morning. Have a restful Sunday everyone.
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Day 141 no drugs
Day 90 no sex
Sooooo after fridays eventful scene that all went down in my city centre with my mother I’ve been in that spiral of negativity.
I broke on smoking again however even thou the urge was overwhelming I did not hurt myself, I didnt pick up and I didn’t go and have random sex. I sat and I thought how far I’ve come.
So I’ve got a wicked split lip from where the mother thought it was okay to use violence because I would not cave into her demands… I got back to MY flat and asked her to leave… I was left with the words I will always love you, well if love comes with violence which every person who has ever been in my life thinks its okay to use violence against me! I’ve used violence to defend myself never to control someone! My brain is screaming for a substance just to escape but I won’t give in…
Saturday I attended a meeting, I shared and I felt relief and was able to feel a form of care that I’ve not felt in a long time! Sometimes care from a stranger is a gift you never knew could reach your heart.
Today I walked Luna… And i feel like I can keep going.
Recovery is still my main goal right now.
Oh I graduated from day rehab 
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Wow… I’d be lying if i said i couldn’t see that happening to me… our sobriety is its own living entity and it’s either getting stronger or is getting weaker. I feel like mine is getting weaker right now, maybe because of the holidays idk but I’ve been putting in more work towards it too try and reverse that trend. I’m glad she made it back.
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