“We do not describe the world we see, we see the world we describe.”
3 months 23 days. 
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@anon27700620 Why does someone being nice to u, make u feel shit? If u said, “eff u” or something, then that would be shitty, but u can just accept the nice thing being said, and the other person will be happy u accepted it. Not many of us are writing up Ulysses on here, just our own chicken shit.
@Squirt Congratulations!
@Charlie_C Sorry u are in pain, hope u can sort work out.
@WCan Congrats on 120!
@Tommo All the best!
@CATMANCAM I am struggling with food too. It sucks.
@Dan531 Nice number!
@vaariesga Hurrah!
@Eke Treat urself to some nice nuts! U deserve it!
@anon60334405 That is a really special moment, thanks for sharing.
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@Mtrav0040 Nice to see u. Some tough things going on. Sending strength and wisdom.
@anon74766472 Also struggling with disordered eating. Feeling a bit overwhelmed.
@FeelingBetter Woo hoo!
@Tryingtogetitright Half a year! U rock!
@Mno I am feeling the same recently. Not terrible, but not the best. Not sure how to get back either. Little steps sound good for both of us.
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Mitch,
Glad to see you back my friend.
Sorry to hear about what you are going through. I know about that doubt and thinking about the unfulfilled future and dreams that will no longer be able to be reality. Questioning what part of you the decision was made from. Granted I was not married and my relationship was 4 years rather than 10, but I relate to many of the feelings you have written about.
As far as your son is concerned –
I am the child of a divorced home, my parents split when I was 3. I’ll say right now it will suck for all involved, but it is possible to make it easier for him. One thing I appreciate to this day is that my parents worked together and kept focus on me/my well-being, even if things were nasty between them. I never once saw them argue, nor did I ever hear one of them speak and ill word about the other – not then, and not even now nearly 30 years later. They never used me as a pawn, they never tried to “win me over” or become the “favorite” parent. They maintained a mutual respect and civility, especially in front of me.
There are some children’s books out there to help kids understand and deal with divorce, maybe look into those too. I know they did help me when I was little, I remember my mother reading them to me all the time. Essentially relaying to the child that it is not their fault and how much they are loved by each parent no matter what.
Take care of yourself buddy. Always here if you need to chat.
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I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
Day 136
Same morning chaos, today tweenie got an angry outburst because she wanted a new flat iron. She’s got a professional one her Ma bought her. It works just fine, she just doesn’t like the color. I told her there’s no way we’re buying her a new $250 flat iron because she doesn’t like the color of the one she has.
Then she said she needs some more clothes because she only has 6 pairs of Jeans. Probably because I told our 8 y/o that he wasn’t allowed to wear his favorite T-shirt anymore, the hole in it is way to big. So I promised him to buy him a new one, exactly the same. Tweenie probably didn’t want to be left out so she said she needed more jeans. I said No, because I don’t think anyone needs more than 6 pairs of Jeans (I’ve got one pair) she also got about 20 other pairs of pants too. So I said we’ll happily take her shopping looking for something she really needs. Didn’t help though so she had a new outbreak. And when she left for school her teacher called amd Said that tweenie skipped classes 4 times this week already.
Now we’re waiting for social service to call in a few hours and hopefully get some help.
On the positive side, I’ve got an email from a dear friend I haven’t talked to for a while yesterday.
And my 18 y/o was here for a quick visit with her boyfriend who just passed the test for his drivers license yesterday. It was a total surprise and a really happy one.
No sun today, but I’m feeling a lot of hope which I haven’t done in a while. So it’s a good day.
Hope y’all are having a good day as well 
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Waking up on day 50 and I am so tired. I didn’t sleep well last night. I’m just going to relax for a little bit then get breakfast ready for my oldest and get her ready for school, then maybe I’ll get a walk in. I’m going to take it easy and stay home today. I’m battling cravings. I’m good though because now I know what I need to do to combat them. Have a great Wednesday wonderful people.
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Gave up on that idea years ago.
Because it makes me feel like shit to think that people are wasting any time thinking about me.
It is their time to waste, and many people enjoy being nice. In the nicest way possible, that is none of your business.
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Checking in heading off to work may everyone have a blessed day and do your best to stay sober I’m reminded that if I dont have it I cant use it. Your all in my prayers. God Bless you all today.
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So you are a bard! 
Sorta. How cool!!! What instruments can you play? I hope you’ll connect with music again with a more positive note (if you already haven’t).
Also… What a shit show. I’m so sorry you had to go thru that. So much suffering and heart ache, with your kid right in the middle of it. Thank you for sharing.
And yes, doggo time is phenomenal 
Day 128: Checking in. Decided last night that I need a slow day, a self- and soul-care day. I was feeling pretty spun out after a day of keeping busy through the heartache.The hole in my heart and the empty space in my home is gnawing at me - for real though, he was an 80 lb dog at his healthiest and commanded some real estate in our home! I used to complain about having no room in the bed with a 6 ft 4 in tall husband and 130 lbs of dogs, but now the leg room just feels cold and lonely. Although my Lupe chica is still an expert cuddler and such a comfort. So I’m going to sit around and watch movies, go through photos and probably do some writing and some knitting. Lots of hot tea and hopefully be able to feed myself today. Mantra: boozy oblivion only causes more pain.
Big hugs, everyone. If your heart is hurting today, remember it is okay to feel it, and you are not alone. This too shall pass.
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Checking in January 13th 2021
No urges to smoke to drink no urges whatsoever for my DOC even when things get tough its becoming automatic where i take these challenges head on ! My memories when i was using fading away the more i keep marching away from my old life i feel chains are broken my soul is ALIVE and i have a new life . LETS GOO !
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Happy 60 days!!! You’re doing amazingly!
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Day 12. Finding today really hard in UK Lockdown. Headaches and bad dreams but I managed to get out of bed earlier and I am about to go for a run (5 hours later than I wanted to but STILL). I am finding a lot of help in books and podcasts at the moment and I am tapping back into a Buddhist Practice I had long ago. But I am really really lonely. Anyone else just missing life? I miss life so much. I miss people and leaving the house and what the world looked like. I hate being so close to the kitchen all the time, and so close to vices. My body has changed dramatically since Lockdown, I know thats natural and yet it still makes me feel out of control.
Anyway we can do this. Celebrate the small things - nearly 2 weeks there.
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Awe Mike I love this update! This is so awesome. I’m happy things are coming full circle for you and your mom is seeing all the hard work you’ve put in. 
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It’s so hard. But I think when we know we know. Glad to see you back around. One day at a time… everything works out in the end. 
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Sorry about your X hopefully he realized sooner than later that’s no way to live. Prayers 
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Thanks a lot @littlemisschatterbox you are so right. I am missing all those things, and I am missing who I am with all those things. I am struggling with body loathing and all I can see and focus on is my body getting bigger atm, maybe I should look for a forum that discussing that, as its occupying my mind completely which I hate and is the reason I usually don’t sit around at home feeling sorry for myself! I’d like to be out there helping others but I cant 
Anyway thanks for all your help and hope you are well
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Day 215 clean and sober today. Not making progress as far as healing. Everything is still the same and I’m getting worn out. I’m not sure if I’ll be better by the 21st to go back to work but everything happens for a reason one day at a time. Have a great day everyone, love you guys!!! 
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