My mom was in the hospital about a week, then another facility for two weeks! She felt OK, but being away from her normal environment was tough. She will be 86 in a few weeks, but has all her faculties. She is there because she had a stroke 3 years ago. I hope your grandma is better very soon.
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Thank you so much @Joy. I appreciate all the prayers because we definitely need them. Weāll be making some hard decisions in the next few weeks. I feel like itās going to get worse before it gets better.
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So very true @Dolse71. Appreciate your support so much.
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Thank you for the vote of confidence and support! Iām nervous but excited about possibilities at the same time. Ultimately, I know I will be ok with the financial hit coming up. Not happy about it, but I will be able to pay my bills, buy food, and have a roof over my head ā so I am grateful for that security.
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546 days - no alcohol! 
Each day sober is another day of realisation that I can do anything I set my mind toā¦in terms of health, self-love and wellbeing 
when I think about drinking (which I still do often, regularly questioning my decisions) I know that, today, I will choose not to, for I value my health both physically and mentally and drinking does nothing positive or loving for my mind, body or spirit. In fact, when I drank alcohol, my mind, body and spirit felt poisoned. I felt sick and tired and it hurt, A LOT. Alcohol, simply, harmed me, and now, I do my best each day, one day at a time, to choose what will heal me. Some days are harder than others, but each loving, kind decision propels me forward in my recovery; where I recover my sense of worth and dignity and integrity. The Universe is always working in our favour, we just have to get out of our own way sometimes and let the love and light wash over us 
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Thanks again Eric once again your support and the respect you show to me and others is next level šš @eph-M-eral your strength in dealing with your mom bravo! I greatly appreciate your support as well. Yeah itās tough with my friend. To keep working on boundaries I find hard in so many ways. Itās one thing to talk about them even harder to actually enforce them. I shared about a date I had yesterday and we talked today about meeting again which she surprised me with. I know this is going to be a real boundry test moving forward. I guess that could be considered ānormalā
God bless you all. 
&
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- Up way too early. Iām going to try to sleep some more as I have a late shift coming up later today. Did have a nice dream for a change, itās fun remembering the different parts of it and recognizing how they all fit in what happened to me and I did in different times of my life. Too bad the memory is already fading now while yesterdayās nasty one will probably stay with me forever.
Anyway, at least I can remember some of my dreams. As well as I remember most of what I do and what befalls me during the time Iām up. Because Iām sober and clean. Much of the forty years I spent under the influence of this and that are a blur to me. Never again. Iām here. Iām now. Together with you all. Have a good day friends. As good as you can. Love from Amsterdam. Pic is from the red light district. So beautiful without the throngs of stoned and drunk tourists.
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Checking in, day 3 
Couple days away from new year.
New year filled with new ways to help me in recovery.
These new things:
- working out through twelve steps program
- having sessions with psychotherapist specialised in addiction treatment
2021 will be an amazing year 
Have a great day/calm night everyone 
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My advice is: be careful when cravings appear even if you are sure you wonāt drink that day. Around 30-50 days I had stronger and stronger cravings but I could fight them, so I thought, itās ok, I can still win this game. At the beginning these thoughts were just theoretical, then they became more and more specific, I imagined where and when could I buy a drink, what excuses could I tell to myself, what it would be like to drink it in the evening. After some time I realized, that Iām losing it, although still gained some more days. Of course I relapsed, I let these thoughts too close to me.
Be very careful and stop those thoughts at the very beginning.
About the shame and embarrassment: itās natural, that your brain is engaged with it - it didnāt have the chance to process those things during drinking and hangovers. Donāt judge yourself, just let these feelings go through you. I know that itās difficult to find a shrink during lockdown, but it sure would be very useful.
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Thank youā¤ļø she had a hard time breathing so they moved her to the ER to monitor her and give her oxygen. She was just moved back to the nursing home, but still on oxygen. She hasnāt fully recovered, but definitely is better than where she was.
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Wow, itās so interesting that you say this. I have absolutely no intention to drink again, but over the last two days Iāve caught myself wondering how I would pull it off, how I could hide it, how I could have just a sip. So stupid of meā¦ must be on guard and shut it down immediately!!
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Day 140
Stayed awake way late last night binge-watching and binge-eating. Felt bloated and tired and grumpy today. In the grand scheme of things, not terrible, but wish I had more self control to watch just a couple of episodes, eat just a couple of biscuits.
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Checking in sober day 8. After night shift. Proud.
Have a nice day beautiful people.
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I hear you! I often wish this too. I guess we both could use a little less wishing and a lot more firm decision making followed by positive/mindful action.
The struggle is real. But not impossible.
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150
5 monthsā¦
Never thought Iād be rid of my gremlins like this, I always thought I was better on drugsā¦
Clean me is fucking happy!!!
Take the day as it isā¦ Remember you can do it.
Oh Iām proud of everyone on here, addiction is tough but recovery is fucking Awsome!
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Yeah, as it is not as destructive as drinking, I often donāt employ my tools as strongly. But the same tools should work just as well.
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Congratulations!!! my dear, sweet, kind, loving, selfless, beautiful friend! Iām so happy for you. Youāve been through so much and have grown so much. I know how hard itās been at times, but here you are. I love you from the bottom of my heart, and thank you for always being there for me Congrats 
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Morning everyone out to the Las Vegas Strip again. I used to like getting out there to see all the crazies and talk with them well I was out know I see the disease and what it as done to me and I pray for them silently in my head. We all need love and understanding we need help all of us. Iāve been there and can be there any moment.
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Some days ago I thought out this on whatās the best course of actions, when faced with appearance of compulsive thoughts:
Compulsive thoughts appear -> quickly change the focus of the mind, with the least possible delay between compulsive thought appearance and Your changing focus action
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Discipline always comes down to habit forming.
If we can manage to form a habit of self discipline, then such control will be like a second nature for us.
I suppose itās important to make daily plan and execute it as precisely as possible in
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