@crystalclear It’s good to see you Cristel. I’m sorry for the circumstances. You and yours are in my thoughts. Hugs.
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I will definitely keep her & you in my prayers❤️ I know it’s tough to see your mom sick.
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Thank you…
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Hope you feel better soon! Feeling crappy after this vaccine is normal and can mean it’s working. This one is an mRNA vaccine and they work by bringing on an immune response. Get some rest and hydration. Hopefully passes soon! 
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Aloha and welcome to Maui. I hope you are enjoying the island and what it has to offer. It’s a bit windy right now but at least the sun is out just about everyday. Well in kihei it’s always out.
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Congratulations @CapriciousCapricorn! Yes girl! You are such a great asset to this community. Thank you for being here and sharing with us.
I haven’t done daily check ins for awhile, but may start here and there again. We will see.
Anyway. Today I talked to my therapist and I brought up Forgiveness. There have been some lingering emotions that I just haven’t been able to push past, and I decided forgiveness may still be there, waiting for me to work on. I’ve done a lot of apologising in the last few years, making sure my side of the road was clear, and have tried to forgive along the way. Then I actually sit down and get to writing about forgiveness, and I realize that I have not been as ready to forgive as I have been in looking for forgiveness.
So I spent the better part of my day re- writing letters to people forgiving them first, and apologizing for my part second. This felt a little backwards since I’ve spent so much time reaching into myself to take accountability for my own crap, and spent a lot of time tampering my resentments so I could see the damage I did - without trying to place the blame on my actions on anyone but myself.
It is so easy to say ’ I did this, but HE did this, so I feel justified.’ And I was trying really hard not to fall into that trap, so hard that I forgot that other people did have a part in it and I still had to move past resentments held for their part.
So, long story short, after today’s exercise I feel much better. Will I send todays letters? No, probably not. These letters were more to get the thoughts out on paper, and I did that. As I like to point out here and there - Sobriety is selfish. It has to be. (Being an addict was selfish, too. Sober selfish is much better TBH) Getting those feelings out was all about helping me feel better. Those people don’t want to receive a letter explaining all the ways they wronged me, and me forgiving them.
Just keep trying every day to get better at being better.
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37 days. Feeling like I complain a lot on here. Many apologies for this, but I also find it’s a safe place to do so and it seems to be helpful. Depression and anxiety continue to come in increasingly large waves. I won’t be drinking, but tonight I had a lengthy attack of thoughts that made me want to drink. It was the strongest desire I’ve had since starting my journey. I don’t want to feel these things. I don’t want to remember the horrible things I’ve done. I hate the shame and embarrassment that come over me. My past makes me shutter and cringe. It’s so difficult tonight, friends.
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I thought I remembered you being in health care , I wasnt sure. And now I remember the nursing school , because I asked about the house etc 
OK that makes sense getting the vaccine for sure ! Hope you feel better after it, you said you don’t feel well from it?
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New life, who Dis 
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@CapriciousCapricorn
Super congratulations on your one year! You work so hard, you deserve it. Thank you for all your shares and the support you give others.
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Day 93. It was a quiet day at home with Max. I spoke with my mom for a bit, which I think was good for both of us. I got the domain name for my blog, so that’s all set.
@CapriciousCapricorn 
congratulations on one year! That is beyond awesome!
@Clarity, I’m glad you made it to paradise, and it sounds like you had a real breakthrough! Enjoy your time in Hawaii!
@apes2020, congratulations on 28 days, April! I like your goals list idea. I should give that a shot.
@RosaCanDo I hope you’re taking good care of yourself today. Big hugs from Max and I.
@cwak, you shouldn’t worry about venting too much on here. That’s what this place is for. Sobriety is not all lollipops and rainbows. But we’re all here for each other to offer support and a listening ear. The waves of depression will ease, but as far as I’m concerned, it’s better to talk (or write) it out than to ruminate all on your own.
Sleep well, y’all!
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Thank you!!! I appreciate your thoughts!
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I think that’s what is causing me to feel icky. They said it could and a lot of the symptoms I have are in the information pamphlet they gave us. I’m hoping it’s better in the morning. Thank you for checking!
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Checking in on Day 31 no alcohol! Feeling good that I’ve passed the month mark. I’m in the midst of a “vacation” from my main job, but it doesn’t feel like much of a vacation since I’m just home like I have been for most of 2020, haha. I am making the most of it. Today I did a float, exercised, wrote, worked ahead on some projects, and had a call with my family. I am a little stressed underneath everything because I am about to face a loss in finances over the next two months. I teach online and I am usually assigned two classes per term. But next term I only have one, so it’s a pretty big chunk of money I won’t get. And since I’m an adjunct I don’t think I have any real claim to file for unemployment or anything. So I have that concern but a simultaneous feeling that I will figure it out and excitement at prospect of utilizing that time in a different way. I have a business where I offer virtual events, so I am planning to put more energy into that in the hopes that attendance will grow. It’s scary though. Financially I feel like I should be farther ahead at this point in my life. And I don’t really know how to do that. At least I’m not drinking and spending money on alcohol. I know my past drinking made me more irresponsible with money, so I’m glad I’m not doing that anymore.
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Congrats on 365 days Stella, it’s been great seeing your growth and you’re posts are a positive inspiration to me. Yes, this little blue triangle icon has done amazing stuff for some of us. This is my only support community and it’s people like you I rely on daily.
Keep on being here and will you sobriety always. 
Blessings and sobriety!
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Day 346
I have noticed that my routine as far as TS goes has developed into doing a gratitude list when I wake up or close enough. Before bed a check-in here. Those two things are a massive part of my “program”.
Mind you it does vary a little and I like to surf the selfies and sports posts, goats magical music and the show your artistry thread. I have noticed quite a few people mentioning just how important this community is and I whole heartedly agree. I have started to recommend it to my recovery community. I caution people to take there time, remain anonymous but if they stick to it they too will see that it is a wonderful tool for someone wanting to get better. Thank you all. This place is without a doubt the most important tool I currently use. I didn’t even mention the memes. Lol
Back to checking in Lol
I did my daily readings and gratitude. Read through posts. Texted with family and friends. Called to confirm my schedule for volunteering at Waysides kitchen. Played some cribbage with a few of my housemates which was great. Another of my housemates who had pretty much disappeared for over a month finally came home and admitted that he had relapsed. I’m not sure if i had mentioned it here but it has been bugging me. People at treatment and at home and my family have been asking me about him. He was the closest friend I had here. We would go to eat together, volunteered at wayside, attended meetings, went to treatment at the same time, went on bicycle trips. On Christmas my Mom asked how he was and if he had answered my calls. I cried cause I didn’t know what else to do. Needless to say it’s exhausting. I told him though I’m pretty upset with him and to not expect to just have the same friendship we did. A month away is along time. I will continue to be his friend and really work on coming from a place of understanding as I too have had relapses and we are all sick or have been. I know he didn’t do anything to me. I truly am glad he’s back and very relieved. Phew
Went to an AA meeting tonight and shared some of this. It was a great meeting actually. Listened to some nature music.
Had some burgers today and leftover Christmas chocolate. It’s been a day.
Finally on the couch watching the Bills game, sort of while writing this. To anyone who read all that you are incredible, thank you for listening. God bless you all. 
&
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@CapriciousCapricorn, D you are getting lots of love today and I’m just sorry to be late. You deserve it all. You’re an enduring support for myself and others here, and it feels good to celebrate you today! Thanks for being inspiring and showing us all how to be strong through vulnerability.
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Hi, it’s great to see you back here. I’m sorry about your daughter and the stress. Sending you strength and will be praying for you all.
Blessings and sobriety hun!
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It’s such a pleasure to have you on board and opening up so much the last couple of months or so. (Time escapes me.) Your knowledge on addiction and determination on recovery is so inspiring to us. I always look forward to listening to what you have to say. You are so worth it too.
God Bless.
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