I commend you for the effort you have put in and only hope that one day she recognizes it. You are in a struggle of conflicting boundaries, it seems to me, and sometimes there is no right answer. But you’re getting through it. Sending good thoughts and hopes for some improvement in your home situation.
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She’s about to be 13 in February , so still a tweenie. School starts Monday, after winter break. I’m not sure I’ve got any more consequences, she doesn’t have a phone or computer. The police has confiscated that because of inappropriate behavior online. We’re waiting on a trial. There’ll also be another trial for the shoplifting issues. I want to take her acess to the tv away but my husband doesn’t approve, and he’s given her a radio so she can listen to music in her room, without my conscience.
Usually when she takes stuff, she denies, we find them, she has to hand them back personally and say she’s sorry. But it doesn’t mean a thing for her, the discussion about it doesn’t mean a thing to her either. She’s fully aware that you can’t take things though, she just doesn’t give a darn. I have a theory that she sees herself as superior to everyone else, so no rules needs to apply on her.
But as I said, I gave up yesterday. I got from “I’m going to keeo trying even if I’m the last person on earth doing it” to “It’s pointless I’m out”
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Thank you 
We reached out to the social service last week and begged them to start a case and help her work with her attitude. I don’t know what else to do.
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Day 123: Might as well check in. Managed to get a few hours sleep before doggy hospice duty called, and then struggled to get back to sleep. I tried for an hour or so and then decided to get up and prep my crockpot meal. It’s set and going and now, well, what to do. Will probably try to lie down again soon, but I’m worried I’ll disturb the now snoozing pup and he’ll get up and he can’t be left unattended now. Le sigh. Well now he has come and found me and laid at my feet so I’ll be staying put for now.
I wanted to share something I heard on the radio, another gem from our elders that stuck with me. The radio program was interviewing a couple who are both centenarians, I think the gentleman was 107 and the lady 102 or so. I didn’t hear the whole segment, but heard what sounded like their advice for living well. This is all awfully paraphrased, but the gentleman said something like we should look back at each day and think about what we have taken and what we have given back, and to always strive, no matter what, to have done something to be contributing something to the world around us. His partner, the lady, then chimed in and said to always have something to look forward to. I’m not doing it justice, but what they said resonated with me. I believe it is absolutely okay to need help and get help, but I also think it is important to be offering something of ourselves. And I’m not talking in a transactional way, I mean that for our sense of self worth, it is important to be offering something of ourselves to the world. I’ll have to say this is a personal belief, but for me I know it’s means I need to be of service to others and my community somehow. It’s always been a value of mine, but i will be taking steps to be more systematic about this in my life. And for the having something to look forward to, I think in early sobriety it has consistently been to go to sleep and wake up sober each day. I know that this foundation will allow me to look forward to many other things, but I can be solid in this basic act every single day.
Time to migrate to the bedroom with the old boy, wish me luck. Big love, folks. 
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Have you been there before, if so, did you like it? Thanks for the reply!
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It seems like she needs to start understanding the effects of her actions. If she has some things she wants or prizes, she won’t want to lose them, and can be reasoned with. At the moment I feel like she hates everything and lashes out at everything. Very hard to deal with.
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I don’t think she hates anything but she petty herself all the time. Whatever happens is never her own fault and it’s always someone else who gets the blame. I think she’s gotten away with doing so for a long time because no one have dared to take the conflicts or her anger outburst. I agree that she definitely needs to see that the actions she choose to make will have consequences. I know and I’ve seen that she’s very much capable of planning her next steps manipulating people so she gets her own will almost every single time.
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Nicely done. Felicidades! I haven’t kept up on your personal thread, sorry, but I really appreciate you checking in here. In the past, when I was in my lurking days and then earlier days of sobriety I appreciated seeing your posts here. Happy for you.
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I feel both for you and the tweenie. I’d say there’s a big need for professional help, if you want to persist in helping her I’d say help for you both. You both need safety and stability in your lives. The tweenie needs to learn some people can be trusted. Pretty clear she doesn’t trust anybody right now which seems pretty logical knowing her history a little bit. She made her own rules and follows her own guidelines which are pretty dysfunctional but what do you expect from a 13 year old. It will take a lot of work, and not just yours, and also not just hers, to gain her trust. I can imagine the impact on you and your family is way too big. Know you have my total admiration for giving it your best. I know you do and my heart goes out to you. My heart also goes out to the tweenie. Reminds me of myself at that age, lying and cheating and doing it all my own way because the world and everybody wasn’t to be trusted and I felt I had to do it all alone. She needs some serious re-parenting and you alone are not going to give it to her I think. IMO that’s impossible. Hope some professional help comes through soon. Big hugs and love to you all Sophia. This is hard.
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Massive congratulations, @anon28001181
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Thank you
She had a lot of chances though, but she keeps wrecking them on purpose. But you might be right, it might be a trust issue. And you’re absolutely right in the fact that she’s just a kid. I had some problems in my teens too as you know. But yes, we definitely need professional help that’s why we reached out to the social service. When my now 18 y/o was younger her adhd made it hard, almost impossible for her to express her feelings and put words on them. We got behavior therapy for her from the social service (They’ve got a special unit here called family treatment) for about 6 months and it was like talking to another child. She still uses some of those tricks today and I could hear her saying to her boyfriend a few days ago that she didn’t want a hug because she felt like the gray sad hippo (That’s one of the cards used to put pictures and names on feelings) luckily he had the same issues as a teen (he’s 20 now so a young adult) and could completely understand what she meant.
I’m hoping for something likely for tweenie. She needs to learn that you just can’t set your own rules, not give a darn and blame everyone else. And we need help with how to handle the situation before it ends up worse than it already is. I’m still sober though, but it’s weighing very much on the end.
Thank you so much for your encouragement and support
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Checking in January 8th 2021
I woke up tired and soar from my workout so grateful its from working out and not a hangover
I lost 16 pounds very proud of that !still trucking wich wouldnt have been possible if i did not choose sobriety . At the moment im working for this guy who is very stressful to work for got a company who just hired me for $30 an hour ovetime every week cant wait to leave this gig and move on after being let go from my origional company ! LETS GOOOO !!!
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Day 364!! Tomorrow is the day 
Feeling stable. Trying to feel better but it’s though.
Hope everyone has a good sober friday!
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Great for you trucker that overtime is going to add up quick
210 days clean and sober today which is technically 7 months!!! Congratulations @Piglet my sober twin, what a journey so far!!! I love you all very much and I’m proud of how everyone one is moving through each day with each other, helping each other and supporting each other’s sobriety!!! Thank you everyone for sharing this journey with me, have a FANTASTIC DAY!!! 
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I had the same kind of experience a little while ago. I saw an advertisement for Canadian Club and Dry…I thought how delicious that would be…it was 9am on a Monday morning…Went to work and hadn’t thought about it again till now!!
the things we see out on the road im sitting out here with no fuel on the side of the road and this person slams right into traffic i thank god this person did not slam into my trailer they have medical and police surrounding the scene now 
everyone drive safe.
everyone drive safe.
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Finishing up day 160 AF. Sober today, sober tomorrow. Have just spent some time catching up on this thread. So pleased to be a part of this. Have a happy day/night everyone 
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