Definitely. Looks like one I will have to buy in paperback instead of on my kindle so I can browse the affirmations more easily!
I know you give the best book recommendations so I am looking forward to it.
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47 days. First night without my wife home while sheās on a business trip. Four more to go. I can do this. Not giving in to alcohol. Headed to bed.
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- Checking in
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Day 46. Good day overall today. Got shit done at work, fixed a leaky bathroom drain, walked the dogs, and made a kick ass dinner (carne asada tostadas).
To top it off, I got a visit from a cutie named Beverly. Here is a picture of her:
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Very wise.
This reminds me of a lovely song by John MCAndrew.
"Why must everything I learn be so hard
Canāt you see Iāve given up
I donāt know where you are
Where are you
When black clouds come over me
they darken my skies
If its how I look at things
Give me new eyes. "
John McAndrew
āGive me new eyes.ā
Heās a pianist, in recovery. He travels around to rehabs playing his recovery music. Heās so wonderful to listen to. Unfortunately I end up crying a lot when I listen to him. Well, because one of his songs he tells me Iām good enough 
If your interested. Google him for a song or 2. I think heās amazing.
I also love. āLike a Childā. Weāre always learning.
Heās on iTunes too. But heās hard to find.
Hey Brian you might be interested. @I.cant.We.can
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I think carne means meat in Spanish!?
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Exactly! Carne is meat.
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Thank you. My wife just told me I should do that Iāve been looking it up on the web
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Yes, it means meat in many languages with Latin origins. This is where the word ācarnivore animalsā come from, or the ācarnivalā, the fest before the spring fasting.
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Carnage and carnal pleasures 
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Does anyone know if anyone is from mapleton Utah?
175.01 Days
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- Coffee. Late shift coming up but woke up at early shift waking up time. Well OK. Somehow the worst of my tiredness Iāve been feeling and building for a couple of weeks wore of all of a sudden when I shared some incoherent stuff in group therapy yesterday. After feeling rather locked in and isolated for most of the session. What finally got me going was another member of the group telling about his relapse in weed use, about how he thought he was an addict but still thought and wished he could use controlledā¦ I could give 'm some of what I learned here. And after that share some of my own troubled mind. So a good session after all.
Will make today a good one too. Sober and clean. And do I spot some blue sky outside? Yay! Have as good a day as you all can friends. Love from my balcony.
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Wow, had a proper craving today. Finished a day of exams, and just felt really like I wanted a release, an escape = āI deserve itā. There is nothing I really have to do workwise for next week = āI canā. I thought about the milestone coming up, but it is just a number on an app = āsod it, go onā. I really had to think how it would affect my kids, really picture their sad disappointed faces. In the end I didnāt denonate almost 5 months of sobriety, but scary how real those feelings felt.
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Iām here, Iām alive and Iām sober.
Day 131.
We finally or eventually (Iām not a fan) got some snow that stays on the ground. And itās still snowing.
Iāve got school meetings from 13.00-17.00 today, ending the day with another seminar.
Once again Iām happy I donāt have to go anywhere and can do it from home, but itās still no joy in it.
Tweenie had a huge angry outburst yesterday, my husband took her to the store when he came home so she got to talk to the owner, returnin everything she stoled and sign a paper that says sheās banned from the store without an adult ( That would be my husband because I refuse to take her anywhere) when they got back home my 18 y/o called and asked if tweenie had her new Makeupset and eyebrowknife that she knew she packed. My husband asked tweenie who once again denied, but he found all the stuff after a search in her room. Tweenie got a tantrum shouting l, screaming and started to pack all her belongings. Eventually we called her mother and she said that if tweenie even tried to leave the house sheāll call the police in her. More angry shouting from tweenie, and a lot of mean things where said, about me, my husband and the boys. When my husband told her to stop she said she wasnāt shouting she was expressing her feelings. Her Ma eventually hung up on her, because she didnāt want to take more shit. And tweenie continued saying that I donāt dare to yell at her (I donāt yell, on anyone, Iām just not like that and prefer a calm explaining conversation) because I wasnāt her child.
And when she said that I went upstairs and said if she thinks expressing her feelings is shouting mean things to everyone and doing what ahw can to tease and upset her mother then Iāll expres my feelings to so I said in a calm way. That my feelings is that she needs help, so either she calls the social workers emergency phone and theyāll come and place her somewhere else because weāre all horrible here, or we call the psychologist emergency phone so theyāll come and take her to the hospital. She kept screaming and shouting so I said that the way she acts isnāt worth my time and energy, she doesnāt give a damn what I say anyway, and if the only to make her listen is yelling and shouting I couldnāt care less if she messes up her entire life. I wouldnāt tolerate anyone shouting at me, and I definitely wonāt make an exception for her. Then I left.
Tweenie and my husband had a long talk, she was up early this morning, so I had to go up early to guard her, so she didnāt do anything bad.
My husband is having another talk with her today, but with all the things she said yesterday Iām sure nothing helps. And I told my husband I wonāt put anymore energy in her at all. She clearly stated that it doesnāt matter yesterday. Iām not proud to say it, but Iāve given up. Sheās on her own, it took 4 hours for our 10 y/o to fall asleep yesterday because he was scared and worried about tweenie. Itās not worth the chaos she creates.
And my husband is still in the soft side, treating her like a princess. I canāt for my life figure out why, heās always been the firm one with the other kids.
Anyway, time for getting dressed and get some breakfast.
Hugs from Sweden 
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That all sounds pretty full-on. I donāt know what on earth can be done to make some progress. Is she in school or working or what? What will be the consequences from taking ur other kidās stuff?
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Mapleton is a small city about 40 minutes south of me, Iām not familiar with any members on here from there, but let me know if I can do anything to help.
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This gives me hope that I will make it through when I have a craving like that. I really appreciate you sharing. I will have to remember to think it through all the way like you did. Well done getting past it.
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I thought today was Day 28 but itās actually 27 on looking at the calendar. I kind of like that I am losing track because it means Iām feeling better I think.
We are on lockdown now here in Brisbane Australia and I am a little apprehensive. The thought of staying inside (other than for a little exercise daily) is scary. Iāve been keeping myself busy and going out more, to lunch, shopping etc since Day 1. This will require focus and Iāll no doubt be logged on here the whole time.
Luckily the itchy skin has died down, but my sleep is horrendous. I sleep in 2,3,4 hour blocks then my gut wakes me up hungry for sugar/carbs/anything fattyā¦like a bloody hangover. Crazy!!!
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