Day 32… doing well at keeping myself busy, but finding myself feeling a little panicky when I’m alone. Which is not usual for me. I was very productive yesterday so I think today is going to have to be recharge day.
Just feeling meh- and burnt out I guess.
But I am not drinking, and for today, that’s just going to have to be enough. 
@RosaCanDo , I am so very sorry for the loss of your baby. I hope you and yours find peace and comfort. 
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I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
Day 134
My head hurts, last presentation in this course done. Exam done and handed in.
Tweenie started a huge fight this morning, and I mean fight as in hitting, screaming and acting out. Because she wanted to go to school in a top that showed not just a little to much, in fact almost everything. And she also wanted to leave so she would be there About 40 mins before school starts. We know they aren’t allowed in until 10 mins before start.
When she finally got to school correctly dressed and at an appropriate time. We called her teacher and informed her about this morning, and everything that’s happened during the winter break. The teacher informed us that she won’t be allowed to have her school computer because they’ve detected inappropriate behavior online on that one too.
So we called the child psychiatric hospital, and they said they can’t do anything. They can’t help her because she doesn’t even want to try herself. And they can’t give her meds either because there’s no medication in the world that would help unless she is willing to work with her behavior. They Adressed it to the social service and recommended a locked facility with people that can watch over her 24/7 because she needs professional help. There’s nothing we can do, we already did all we can do, and they have too.
So we called the social service, who started an emergency case file, and recommended a locked facility with people 24/7. Because as for now, no one else can do anything for her.
The social service is getting back in contact tomorrow or Wednesday.
Once again my head hurts.
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Oh Hon, I am so sorry you have to be going through this. I’m frustrated with the “system” just reading your post. How many teenagers are going to admit they have a problem never mind ask for help. I pray that somewhere they have their shit together and can help you out of this situation. You have offered your heart and home to your stepdaughter and seem to be getting the shitty end of it. I’m so impressed that you’re going through this all sober. Hugs girl
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We can never keep them long enough.
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Thank you im going to embrace the unknown and this cow skull yes it makes sense i been doing great in my discipline of overeating and DOC ! 
this is awesome
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Thank you dear. I think they kind off means that they can’t do anything if she ain’t even willing to take the help offered. She had been to a lot of psychiatrists and never said a word. She’s been working on expressing her feelings in a lot of ways, but just as with the conversations with her parents she jad lately she just jeers and doesn’t care. I didn’t know all that until the child psychiatrists told us today. We still don’t have access to all the information because of the custody issue. And we probably never will. But yes it’s kinda frustrating, that no one seems to be able to do anything to help.
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Day 23. I have been having mood swings and insomnia, but I guess that is normal. I woke up early - before dawn. Went for a morning walk. I have been pushing myself. It feels great. Am I getting addicted to exercise? Am I substituting one addiction for another?
I have been doing bodyweight exercises and climbing stairs too. I climbed 30 flights of stairs today. Am I overdoing it?
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Congratulations brother
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Hopefully she can find someone that she clicks with and feels they care about her. If things don’t change in my lil family I will be seeking a therapist for a 9-year old. Aside from the tweenie receiving help what about you? Do you have someone you can debrief and vent with that is removed from the situation? I personally believe this is so important.
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I somehow missed your 3 weeks. . .belated congratulations on that one. Keep kicking ass at kicking ass cuz it’s awesome to see the difference in you.
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@CATMANCAM WHOOP WHOOP. 5 months is fanfrickentabulous. You are facing the day each day going in stronger. Watching you grow and sharing this journey with you is my pleasure.
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That is so great
Congratulations on your 2 years.
Enjoy all those emotions to the fullest.
Congratulations Micky. That first month feels so good.
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You my beautiful lady are the miracle. None of your accomplishments would be posted here if it weren’t for your strength and perseverance. You are an inspiration to me and have been a valued support along my journey. YOU ARE THE MIRACLE and that is the truth.
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209 days. Started the day off arguing with my stepdaughter about brushing her hair. I believe it’s important to start the day on a positive note and I strongly dislike that she’s starting her school day angry at me. Plan to smooth this over as soon as I can.
Limiting myself to time spent in my bedroom seems to be helping in more ways than I anticipated. I felt a lot more connected than removed yesterday but still spent the majority of the day doing solo activities. After coffee this morning I’m going to shower and get dressed up for the day and hit the job ads. My man has a couple hours of errands after his shift ends this morning so that leaves just the girls and I home. Oldest is online learning and unless asked I no longer involved myself there. Thinking I’ll cuddle up with the wee one, after my job search, and find a good movie.
Hope everyone has a good 24.
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Day 31.
I honestly did not think I would make it to a month. It’s the longest I’ve been off alcohol for about 17 years.
My sleep schedule is still messy. I dont fall asleep until 5am now and sleep all day.
It’s 2am right now and I’m going to try my best to relax and meditate if I can.
I’m back at work soon so I need to get this sleep business sorted asap.
Oh, I dont weigh myself as a rule because it depresses me and just cheers on my OCD, but I did try on some clothing that were tight a month ago and are now (somewhat) loose! I guess not drinking 8 or 9 litres of empty wine calories a week has helped. And my daily swimming (…doggy paddling…) may also have contributed.
@RosaCanDo So sorry for the loss of your dog. Mine is 15 and doesn’t have long to go. Sending you virtual hugs xxoo
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Yes :). Just trying to spread some positivity for anyone new
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It’s definitely an attention issue too. We’re fully aware of that, and she does get a lot of positive attention. She also really liked her old foster care family, but when they had a baby of their own she became a danger to all if them and they drove her to the child psychiatric hospital because she threatened to take her own life. Wherever she does come, and no matter how much attention or love she gets god or bad it doesn’t matter to her. And she’s smart enough to calculate where the next step will take her. She’s still just I kid I know that, but when even the child psychiatric hospital says that there’s nothing none of us can do to fix her issues… Well I don’t know. All I know is that she needs to work with herself with professional help. We’re neither able to watch her 24/7 or work with her issues the way she needs. Hopefully we can together with the child psychiatric hospital and the social service find something that’ll get her on the right track eventually and that the help will come quickly.
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