Day 146: Folks are probably getting birthday fatigue from my posts this weekend (sorry, not sorry!), but I have always made a big deal out of birthdays, mine and others’. Unmitigated celebration of a human and their entrance to this world is pretty magical and it should be celebrated with love and joy. And this year, at almost 5 months sober, entering into my 40th year on the planet, I am celebrating my first one fully present and alive and it really feels remarkable. Because my birthday is at the end of January, I have always felt like it was a personal “New Year’s” celebration, and when most folks are getting back to routine and starting their new year and maybe feeling some let down from the holiday season, I still always had my birthday to look forward to. It’s tradition for me to spend time on this day thinking about where I am with my personal goals, evaluating how I am feeling and what I want to do differently, what I want to keep up, and so on. This year I am tremendously grateful to be where I am now, and so stinking excited for what’s to come. I am missing my sweetest Chucho, and have grappled with feeling like we have been cheated out of enough time with him or that he was “taken” too soon. But (with some therapy and conversations with loved ones) I am now feeling he left when it was time, no one chose for him to be sick but it was what it was and we were lucky to have him in our life. We are all coming down from a high state of anxiety and stress with him sick and not knowing the future - we can now breath a bit easier. The stress is lifting and we are settling into life after Chucho, with Lupe learning what it means to be a solo dog in our family of 3, and I’m learning what life looks like for me after so much of my focus was on taking care of and watching over him. I have a lot of time on my hands now, and am looking forward to diving back into recovery work more deeply, exploring some ideas for a professional future, and really developing my mind after being stagnant for a LONG time. I have a doctor’s appointment this week and I am certain much of my energy will be spent evaluating and rebuilding my physical health, managing whatever issues are discovered, and crafting a healthy life. All of this is possible because I choose to be sober each day. And the future looks bright. I can say with all honesty it feels good to turn 39.
Edit: I want to thank all my TS amigos for celebrating with me. It’s so fun and feels good to have you as friends! Sending love your way! 
Love your outlook on Birthdays, I might adopt it. Love you!
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moments this week. More like a kitty ride than the previous TEXAS CYCLONE ( Biggest roller coaster in TX)…lol. Able to do what I needed to do. Accepting life on life’s terms… and overall just good and still very much GRATEFUL. I don’t expect everyday to be good, but knowing I can handle the bad ones is a VICTORY in my book.
it! Takes me back to when we would visit my godfathers farm, and I was the same way about chickens, kittens, anything I could get my hands on. What a sweet image, thanks for sharing that joy with us.
