You do you and if that’s what it takes so be it April. In my experience though, each time I encountered the same trigger again the urge grew less. Until it disappeared all together. I learned this especially after quitting smoking because everything was a trigger really so I was forced to deal with it daily many times.
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You’re here Mike. Good you are. One day at a time. One craving at a time. You’re here with us. Don’t give up. Hugs and love friend.
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I know that feeling well, Mike. From someone just coming out of the fog, it’s not the solution that our cunning, baffling, powerful addictions tells us it is.
If you need someone to talk to about what’s been going on the last couple of days we’re here. If you have a sponsor, this is exactly the time when I would be picking up the phone. Lord knows how much I’ve isolated and let the darkness of depression swallow me. When I’m in that place there’s some step work to do so that I take the focus off of myself and break things up into manageable bites. Then I try to see if there in someone in or out of program that I can help. Make my family dinner, do the laundry, help my sponsor by making a 10th step call.
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When I feel like that I want a drink and i can do it i realize just like you do my mind is playing tricks on me so i just STOP! I bring myself back into the present time and say YES I’m not drinking I’m sober that is oh I am I’m a sober person. Than I celebrate in that which is reality! I dont go into the future I stay in the moment! Hope that makes sense. Stay strong
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I like that " Not my circus not my monkey’s " can I borrow that?
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Ok its regestiered and locked in my brain I’m ready to use it!!
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@AmyBeth So sorry to hear that. I b Sending strength to get thru it, and the wisdom to guide ur children.
@Jdiaz Congrats on two months!
@anon60334405 Hugs
@C_8 Bugger!
@Paulaloha Wow!
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Kind of I it right now. I’m on day 14 for binge eating and I was on the edge a minute ago. There have been flickers almost everyday and but I’ve been reminding myself that when I get comfortable and confident is when I falter. So I’ve really been trying to be diligent and serious.
I generally eat pretty health so the object of my concern was just some frozen bananas and coconut for desert plus cashews. I was still well within healthy calorie for the day, it’s just the way I was eating. There was that frantic mindlessness to it. An all too familiar ravenous, brainless, heartless ghost of myself. So often I’ve lost control at that moment, once I feel it, it’s generally forfit but something in me stopped this time.
This is good but here is we’re I need to really whatch these next couple days. It generally builds everyday day from points like this. Generally it cycles: good for a bit, relapse, pick myself up and repeat. I want to cut out that relaps part. I want to wake up everyday knowing I’ve been kind to my body the day before and committed to continuing that kindness for that day to come.
Thank you for being being part of this community, having somewhere to share this keeps me accountable and motivated. It has made all the difference. I hope everyone is doing well out there. Keep being kind to you. 
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The fact that you are here and your sharing this means you are strong. I know that darkness, it’s exhausting. It may be hard to see but you can and will overcome this, and you will have gained so much wisdom for it.
For now be kind to you, find a healthy distraction, call a friend if you can, rest, do something that lets your mind be still for a moment or two.
I can’t know the true depths of your pain but i do know life is constant change. I have faith in you man. Stay strong
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Daily.
Still battling some deep depression, @anon60334405 I feel you man its tough and hard, I keep trying to fight through it.
But one thing that burns me more than anything is integrity, if you have none I cannot stand you, in this world we have our word and if you cant stand true to that we have nothing
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Good lord!!! Sending you so much love and hugs 
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Day 117. It was gray and rainy all day, and I had to drive all over the place to get the sales guys’ signatures on paperwork they apparently didn’t feel the need to read through and complete. Even after the hand holding, some of them still didn’t complete it correctly. I’m so frustrated and tired of babysitting a bunch of grown men. If they don’t want to get paid, that’s their business.
Really, the paperwork and the guys I work with aren’t the problem. The problem is that my ex popped up again yesterday, under the guise of asking whether I was watching the inauguration. Nope. I was at work. And he took this as an opening to pour out a litany of sob stories: he and his mom aren’t getting along, he lost his job, everything is a struggle, and it’s about to be his 35th birthday. And I just stared at all these words in all of these texts, and I was furious and exhausted at the same time. There is not a single thing in the world I can do about any of this. He is the only one who can stop drinking, stop self-destructing, make different choices. I don’t have it in me to hold his hand through another dark period. I tried for years to save him from himself and his choices, and was nearly destroyed in the process.
Paperwork and missing signatures? I’m getting paid to deal with that. My ex and his circus of narcissism? I don’t have any obligation to be a part of that. I just wish I didn’t feel anything for him any more.
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Wow, that’s so sad. I’m so sorry. Sending prayers to you and your kids 
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That’s awesome.
I look back af when I had kids and I’m like where was all this cool stuff, the announcements the gender reveals?
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I always feel like there is a pot of gold on the other side of each hurdle… the bigger the hurdle, the bigger the pot of gold is. Something BIG worth having must be coming your way… hang tight. This too shall pass 
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I love to self sabotage it was my go to when things was going good in my life and especially when I was coming close to my first year clean. I thought about and told myself you made it this far why go backwards. What surprised me is that same thoughts came back on my second year clean and I talked to my sponsor and he told me that it’s when you are coming up on a big anniversary in early recovery we get all these emotions and don’t know what to make of them and our first thought is give up…first thought wrong! Don’t give up I’ve seen you put a lot of effort towards your recovery. I believe in you. 
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Hang in there Mike you know that’s just your mind playing tricks. It ain’t worth it. You know this. Keep fighting and remember how blessed you are now.
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You have the big milestone coming soon maybe that’s messing with you. Hang in there man
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