I have really struggled today. The sun is shining (trigger 1), I’m off work tomorrow (trigger 2), I haven’t had a drink for 5 weeks, so my mind is telling me that I’m obviously not that bad after all (3), I am having a roast with my family (4), and I’m tired after staying up way too late last night (5).
It’s only 4:50pm. Long way to go. Hopefully I’m over the worst.
A big part of not drinking was knowing that I’d have to come on here and fess up. Thank you, all. I will be very grateful in the morning.
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Whatever happens it sounds like a change is on the cards. Good for you for going for it! 
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You struggled but you’re here. Sober. So that’s great! Keep in contact here. It has helped me too in the same way it does you. Enjoy the roast. No drinking. When tempted, come here instead. We’ll talk you out of it.
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Bravo @CATMANCAM, @icebear and @Misokatsu on 180 days, keep on trucking peeps. 
Blessings and sobriety!
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Thanks, man (u). A look from my eldest daughter when I mentioned my craving at lunch did the trick. She’s the main reason I’m trying to get on top of it and she’s inspired me again today. I’ve also taken a B50 tablet, which has started to work its magic, and drank about a gallon of water.
I really appreciate your response. As I mentioned earlier, this place really helps. I need to get better at responding to people in the same way - but whenever I try to offer support, it just sounds a bit shit. Fortunately other people are better at it than me.
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Thanks, Menno. Knowing that you’re all here really helps.
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Had a bit of a twinge yesterday, in a group chat one of my best friends who is going through a lot made a comment about alcohol and cigarettes getting her through it. A bit of a joke but I’m sure not entirely untrue.
Just for a moment I missed being in that club. That quickly gave way to gratitude for sobriety and for the friendships that were built on getting wasted but have continued even though that’s not in my life anymore.
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I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
Day 161
Another day I actually doubt if I should get out of bed at all. But I did, healthy oatmeal cookies, coffee and gummibears for breakfast. Gotta keep that balance 
and I neither had gluten-free bread or anything like that at home,so it had to do. Kids got a normal breakfast so I had to sneak a little with mine. They all got a cookie for dessert.
Now I need to conquer the big deal of putting myself into a shower, I planned to do that a few hours ago. But when tweenie heard that she locked herself in the bathroom and haven’t been out yet. So I guess I have to wait. Meanwhile I’m reading more Southern Lady Magazines longing back to the south. And tries to make a plan to create the lifestyle I want for real.
I’m so tired of being stuck in this loop, the idea of dealing with the social service for several more meetings and a home visit makes me sick of anxiety.
My husband talked with tweenie about the fact that she’s going to have to talk to the social service and she said “I knew from day 1 that you couldn’t make it, no one can, I make sure of it”
To bad she doesn’t care that she’s ruining peoples lifes. And that it’s not all about her. I still got two boys, who feels ill from anxiety and nervousness doesn’t dare to go upstairs and play with their toys. Doesn’t dare to be close to tweenie because she has thrown thing right past them. And neither eats or sleeps.
I tried, but I’m positive I can’t do this anymore. It’s going to destroy me, and probably the boys too. Never have I’ve been this close to thinking and even make a real plan of just running away from home, and never come back. Or to actually end it all so I don’t have to feel like this.
Hope your Sunday is better than mine. Big hugs to all of you for being here 
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Went to bed early last night. There was too much shit going on around me and it brought me down. I survived it but didn’t like it. Today is a new day though.
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Hang in there Sophia. And make sure to ask for help for yourself, not just for tweenie or your kids or whoever, get help just for you, if you continue to feel like this. Because what your thinking is not the solution. It’s an escape. I know how you feel. Hang in there and get the help for tweenie you all need too. But please think of yourself too friend. Big big hugs.
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Checking in on day 238. Hope everyone is having a good one so far!
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@littlemisschatterbox congrats on 500+ days
@Dazercat congrats on 400+ days doesn’t seem a minute since we were congratulating you on your year! 
@anon51903143 congrats on 70 days
@FindingJesse congrats on 3 weeks
@I.cant.We.can massive respect for you, I hope you get a little more time for yourself today 
@MagicILY congrats on 70 days
@RyanSA sending strength
@AdvntrLane congrats on 30 days
@icebear congrats on 180 days
@Misokatsu congrats on 180 days
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Thank you all the hugs back to you. It’s absolutely an escape, but it feels like a nice one. Hopefully we’ll get help for tweenie but the more time that passes the more I doubt that anyone is actually willing to help. It’s like an endless loop of hopelessness right now.
Thanks for being here, listening and coming with advice
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Day 153: Early to bed and not so early to rise today is just what I needed. I managed to get Miss Lupe to do her business out in the yard, so fingers crossed she will let us skip a walk today. The high will be 0F/-17C and there a nasty windchill. I bought some lovely looking split chicken breasts and thighs that I’ll be poaching, shredding, and then simmering in tomatillo and serrano sauce that has been waiting in the freezer since late summer for just this sort of occasion. A taste of summer on a frigid day. We’ll eat it with corn tortillas and I might make a citrus slaw to go with it. Mmm I’m already hungry for it. A day in the kitchen with tunes (maybe the new Foo Fighters album for a fun vibe) and the sunny blue winter sky and sparking crisp snow pack looking beautiful out the kitchen window with no need to go outside…yes, that’s my plan! Sober Sundays are magic.
Sending you my loving warm hugs today, stay strong and stay sober, come here if you need a helping hand. 
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Morning All! A bright sunny ski and -40 °F windchills, makes for an indoor day! Still will head out for Crossfit then back home to make some soups and cupcakes and muffins for the week.
Day 35: I am going to start manifesting sleep filled nights and channel my inner sloth spirit animal because this not sleeping thing is for…well some animal that doesn’t sleep!
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Really sorry that you’re going through so much with her, Sophia. You really are a better person than I am; I could not put up with that. I like what Menno said too to take care of you. I feel for your boys, that’s no way to be in a state of stress for little ones. Hugs sweetie…
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Checking in DAY 197!
My last check in I mentioned I wasn’t feeling my best mentally and physically, well it turns out, I am sick. 
Went ahead and got tested for covid yesterday. Awaiting my results. I cant control how I feel right now but I can control what I put into my body… lots of vegetables!
Crazy how much our physical health and hormones can have such power over our mental state.
Anyway just letting you all know why Ive been MIA. Also, I dont have very good internet. Not quite the escape to my moms that I imagined LOL but life is pretty damn good as long as I am sober. Hope you all have a great day!
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