It’s been a couple of days since I have been on here. Have a lot to catch up on but it won’t be tonight. Still working a lot of extra hours and have to be up early again tomorrow. Had a rough night…had to put my dog down. Just needed to stop in and read some to get my mind off it for a bit. Hope everyone is doing well and thank you for always being here. This group has really changed my life.
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Day 117 clean from Meth. Had a pretty reasonable day today, but the thoughts come on strong at night, hence posting on here almost nightly atm. I really want to get high… but I again, once again, deny myself, come on here to vent. I think I need to engage in some adrenaline releasing activities, but i’m all out of ideas. Hope you are all fairing well.
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Nice to see you check in when you can. I’m so sorry about your dog. That’s the worst. It’s always so hard with a pet. They are family members. Frankly I think they are sometimes better than family. Most times. Prayers for you. Be strong. Feel it. Check in if you have to.
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Day 1 again…from drinking
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Welcome Ryan. Today is a good day to be sober. Lots of great support around here. Keep checking in. We are all just trying to not take that first drink. The most import one.
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Thanks Eric. He was a good boy.
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58 days!!!..,praise GOD!!!
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So sorry about your pup 
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I’m so sorry. That’s the hardest thing. Sending prayers and hugs. 
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It’s so hard. Sending you my best wishes as you grieve. It’s been just over a month since we lost our dog and I’m so grateful to have been sober going through it. 
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Ha! Luna is a good name for a cat. My parents have a black cat named luna de la noche. She is a feral barn cat rescue so she is still a bit wild sometimes.
Bye for now…
Sorry man I feel for you. Hope it all turns out for the best in time.Hang tough and do not slip.
Bye for now…
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Day 138. It rained so hard for so long this morning that the office started to flood and the toilets were back flowing, so I got to work from home this afternoon. I wonder what I will walk into in the morning at work.
@BillS, eights across the board! Nice!
@Freckles, good to see you back here. I’m glad you’ll get to speak with a therapist on Saturday.
@Drave, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Please take good care of yourself as you grieve.
@Briella, how are you? Have you found an all women’s meeting that might work for you?
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@singtone My husband also drinks occasionally. He gave up for about 3 months when I was struggling then started having some now and again. It makes me feel even prouder about giving up, even for normies, giving up entirely is hard. We have beer in the house (which was never my thing, too weak) which doesn’t tempt me.
@CapriciousCapricorn How sad! And how it makes you think. May “C” rest in peace. It is also hard when you have a child who suffers the same issues as you. You want to save them, but you cannot fix everything. But as someone with first had experience, you are in a great position to support.
@Truckinmonster21 I’m so sorry to hear that. However much it hurts you have to remember you are your own person, and you have to move on and find your own way to be happy. After such a long time together you can almost forget who you the individual are. Now is the time to find out.
@RosaCanDo Well done for being so proactive about your health, even if it is scary.
@Croke Welcome! May it be the first one of many.
Day 180 something
Feeling pretty triggered by a core issue in my life. I don’t drive. I never learnt in the UK when I was a student then I moved abroad. Taking driving lessons in another language would be difficult, and it is expensive in Japan. My partner was very against me learning. And I could commute to work by bicycle. But then when we had children I couldn’t take the children long distances by bicycle. But I wasn’t working and my husband said we couldn’t spare the money. Finally I started working more and I went to driving school and passed. But my husband rarely let me use the car, and never by myself. He said he would never forgive me if I drove by myself. Our driveway is very narrow and he insisted on him parking the car. Actually he parked most places. And insisted on driving if it was far, we needed to be quick, it was raining, etc, And the times I did drive he was very critical. And now I have no confidence to drive. But I hate it. Occasionally friends want to meet up somewhere far and I can’t go, or have to beg a lift which I hate. I hate that I have to think about distance all the time when deciding thing about the kids (after school activities etc). I hate relying on people, so in the end my social circle just becomes very small. I am not the most social person anyway so it doesn’t really matter maybe. But I hate feeling like I don’t have the choice.
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- Feelings are not facts.
- Feelings change in intensity and character minute to minute. This too shall pass.
- From my deepest experience, feelings will not kill you. I used to fear being completely consumed by my feelings. Hasn’t happened yet.
- Grief and love can coexist.
Every little thing is gonna be alright. I promise.
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Wait he wouldn’t forgive you if you drove? That seems odd to me. I’m not judging just wondering why he would say that? 
I think you should save up and get your own car. Even if it’s a piece of junk. Driving gives us independence. I love going for my drives and listening to some good tunes. It’s kinda like therapy for me.
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Way to go!
Bye for now…
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- A little disappointed in myself for some mistakes I’ve made recently. But it’s an opportunity to practice being a functional human.
Wishing I could wipe away other people’s problems so they never have to face pain or discomfort inhibits them from growth. A sick person (me) with the best intentions is going to inflict harm if they go about it untreated.
Al-Anon is a trip. I’m just taking the first step. Here’s to the journey ahead.
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Hello Fleur. Thanks for your response. I think it’ll be fine with my wife. We have this ridiculous situation that we are a bit too considerate of each other’s feelings. She won’t drink because she won’t want to force me to, and I won’t want to deprive her - which will make me consider drinking. We had a good chat last night where I made it clear that she would be doing me a huge favour by drinking when she wants to. I wouldn’t be triggered by her drinking. As you said, I think it will just strengthen my resolve. It seemed to land with her anyway, so hopefully that will be our way through it.
As far as your situation is concerned, I don’t know what to suggest. One question that keeps creeping into my mind is, is your husband British or Japanese? Is there a cultural element that I have no comprehension of? It seems completely alien to me. One way to make a person feel trapped and therefore unhappy is to deny them their freedom and liberty to come and go as they please. I don’t want to be critical though, because I have no knowledge of your situation or your relationship at all.
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