Checking in daily to maintain focus #27

Ä° didnā€™t use porn today!

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Goodnight everyone

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Thank you Tyler. Most appreciated. Feeling strong! Hope your feeling better and have a relaxing evening! Great about covid Vaccine.

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Checking in. Past my bedtime but canā€™t sleep, just had a fair run of shitty days recently and canā€™t shake it. Therapy was good this morning in as much as it felt like some progress happening, but it was draining. Tried getting through to the doctors to get back on some antidepressants or whatever but they are fully booked. Although I know itā€™s not really worth calling if you donā€™t do it first thing, especially with Covid, so I set myself up for that. Argument with my partner this evening. Serenity escaping me.

On the positive side of things, had a nice walk with the puppy in the sunshine. And Iā€™m still sober. Will read around here some, reading all the stories and successes and seeing all the care and community always lifts me :pray::sparkling_heart:

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I am very close to 1 week being free of nicotine products! Today is hard because it is Friday and I just want to smoke a little to take the edge off, but I know iā€™d just let myself down. I feel like iā€™m in a competition with myself and if I smoke then I lose and the other half will win. Iā€™m competitive, so this thinking works. Part of me continues to bring thoughts of, ā€œwell, maybe you can some day socially smoke.ā€ But, to me thatā€™s just an easy route back into it. I do miss it. I miss my peach flavor vapesā€¦ they honestly helped with my sugar cravings weirdly?? But, my health is #1! My breathing and blood pressure is already so much betterā€¦ itā€™s actually insane to think about!! :slight_smile:

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Nice work! Now you can join the grumpy a-holes :laughing:

I still romanticise smoking but I know one puff is all it will take to get back to sore throats, nasty coughs, running out of breath, money wasted and planning my day around getting my fix. NOPE!

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I am on this thread, too! :slight_smile: im not an a hole or experienced any bad moods! Actually quite the opposite:)

Yeah, 1 puff will probably send me back. So, I wont risk it :stuck_out_tongue:

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@CATMANCAM @icebear
Congratulations on 200 days and I am right there with u! Gonna celebrate my double century by going out and being a speaking examiner. Which is a kind of celebration, getting out and doing stuff because I have the energy and time.

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I find this a very helpful mindset to develop. Thank you for sharing!

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Congrats on the 32 year anniversary that is awesome! And the days you are stacking up are sweet! Closing in on 4 solid sober months hell ya!

Bye for nowā€¦

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Ah I hadnā€™t read through to the end of the thread, oops! So glad youā€™re feeling good about being nicotine free, thats the mindset you need :hugs:

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  1. Checking in/out
    Today was a great day. I was up at 5:30am for work and got out at 12:30 and spent the nicest afternoon with one of my cousins helping him get some of his affairs in order before he moves to Florida. We stopped at my Aunts and got to see her and my Uncle. We had a road trip to the reservation to get some paperwork done. My Uncle is an artist and he gifted us with some of his work what was so unexpected but just showed how happy he was to see us since he lives 2 hours away from us. I opened up to my cousin for the first time about my addiction and he was so supportive. I was nervous because I never know how family will act when the topic gets brought up but was proud of me. Made me feel so good. I need this today as it is the 7th anniversary of my husbands passing. When I was getting ready for work I had my music going and a song came on that reminds me of him every single time. Just a sign he is with me. Through all the pain of his loss and him being gone 7 years had my mind racing about how things would be if he was here and how proud he would be of our kids. But on another note I was jealous in a way because heā€™s with our beautiful daughter. I miss them both dearly. I feel so grateful that I can have these feelings and really feel them and work through it all.
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Day 105 coming to a close. Some old friends flew into town unexpectedly last night and we met them for dinner. Would have normally been a few-beers-night, then when at home, a few more of something, but I stuck with water. Not gonna lie - when the waitress asked for my order I almost asked for an IPA on reflex. But I quickly thought, do I want just one? Or just two? No. I really enjoy the taste, but what I really enjoyed was being kinda drunk. So, no point in having just a couple. There are plenty of other beverages that taste good, or even better! Calories and headache saved! I liked my mindset, and I will aim to remember that going forward.

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Great win there. Way to go!

Day 101. First off I wanna say thank you to anyone who congratulated me on hitting triple digits. Secondly, congrats to everyone on their milestones. Iā€™m sorry I dont have the mental energy or capacity to reply to anyone individually. My mental health has been really attacking me the last week or so. I start working part time on monday. And taxes will help. But Iā€™m just struggling internally right now.

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200 days Fleur and @CATMANCAM! 200 days! Yay yay yay! :smile:

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Rocking a Les Paul Liv, I dig it

Another 200 !!
Good for you Fleur. You kind of snuck that in there didnā€™t ya? It went right by me first time. Sorry. Congratulations :balloon::balloon::balloon::balloon: on your 200 days!
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Checking-in, Iā€™ve been sober sense Jan 2019. Which was when I was diagnosed with ESLD. Itā€™s been a hard two years, but thankful Iā€™m still here.

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  1. Coffee. Working weekend. Iā€™ve got my sobriety going for me and thatā€™s a big one. Otherwise not quite feeling it atm. Might have to do with the return to dark colder weather. Donā€™t know. It will be OK. Have a good weekend all. Clean and sober. Love from Amsterdam.
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