Oofta… thinking of you!!!
2 Likes
Checking in at the end of day 54.
Had a lovely evening with the family. Made Chinese dumplings with the kids and then scoffed the lot before playing a great game called The Resistance with Mrs Singtone and all four kids. You basically have to lie through your teeth. It was great fun - but the kids have vowed to never trust me again.
Went to the supermarket for ingredients earlier and felt disgusted by the booze on display. The sun was shining too, and I didn’t even flinch.
Feeling like I just don’t drink anymore. 
Have a great sober day, wherever you are.
Goodnight. 
25 Likes
Woke up this morning with 50 days clean and sober. What a wonderful day it will be!
27 Likes
I can dig it! 
1 Like
Haha omg T that’s hilarious!! 
my life sometimes at the shop trying to get things clean and done. 
5 Likes
I guess it’s going to be a multiple-check-ins kind of day again for me. I went to the gym, then I drove around my state while listening to Recovery Elevator for three hours. Here’s what I know … I am extremely angry, even though it rarely shows. I can’t even name all the things I’m angry about. One thing is for sure — I hate that I gave up a life I wanted for the life I have, a decision I made over 15 years ago. I’ll never be able to change it. Most of the time I can navigate my marriage just fine, but then there are times (like now) when I absolutely despise it. I don’t even know how many times I yelled “fuck you” in my truck at the thought of my wife and my marriage today. I understand that divorce is an option, but as a product of divorce myself I have my own convictions about putting my kids through it. I won’t do that (absolutely no judgement or shade being thrown at anyone here, this is just me). I feel utterly trapped. I hate this. And yet, somehow, I’m still sober. None of this makes any fucking sense.
17 Likes
Day 26
Almost one month down!
I have a small social function tonight with social distancing of course. But nervous because there will be alcohol.
Planning on bringing bottled lavender soda to hold me over. But the social temptation is always there.
Wish me luck friends. 
22 Likes
I always kept a full drink of sparkling water in my hand so no one will offer me or get me a drink. Congratulations on your 26 days. You’ll get through it.
4 Likes
Thank you!!
2 Likes
Thankfully I’ve had minimal cravings. And also thankfully not everyone in the group drinks.
If things get iffy ill excuse myself. Not to mention the drive home is long.
I’ll check in for sure if I’m struggling.
Thank you!!
4 Likes
I can relate, it’s a really difficult situation. I think until you feel so much rage, you shouldn’t think of the outcome or the solution, it’s too chaotic now. You have to tame those feelings. I guess every physical activity can help, when you give out all of your energy and rage until you’re too tired to act on it.
As a second step seeing a therapist could be a great help. Both in anger management and later on facing your life issues. Connect to as many people as you can, talk to friends, or share here, check in as many times you need - we’re here to listen.
And then, after some time when you’re calmed down, you can decide if you can find your peace in this situation or not. I understand, that “you are a product of divorce”, but marriages for show, where there is anger and regrets below the surface, suck too. If you exclude certain solutions in advance, you narrow the options and you find yourself facing a dead end.
Sobering up is like a trauma - you face a lot of shit at once, all the issues you used to drink away. Now you’re in panic mode. You have to give it some time to subside and make clear decisions. There are solutions for every situation. Even if it seems unsolvable. Buy a punching bag, talk to others and trust sobriety. It will be better, there is always a way out. Giving up is surely not a model you would like to show your kids.
8 Likes
I’m sorry to read that you struggled so much yesterday. How are you today?
1 Like
Checking in, day 113. I have a cold and feeling pretty tired, but luckily not depressed. There will probably be another 3-week lockdown, even stricter than the current one, both schools and kindergartens will be closed. Together with the recent school holiday it will be a month. I’m a bit concerned about my work, because it’s pretty hard to do all my tasks while the kids are at home. I’m working on a movie amongst others and it’s almost impossible to focus on while they’re around, I’m afraid I’ll make mistakes I won’t even notice. Maybe I’ll work during the evenings, but it’s unsustainable on the long-term. We’ll see.
23 Likes
You’re right, I have no idea what that life would have become. I’m quite certain my thinking is not sound, but these are my current feelings nonetheless. I guess I just fantasize that it would have been much happier and that’s probably not helpful at all.
7 Likes
First appointment is scheduled for Thursday. Really hoping it helps me.
Thank you for saying this. I have never heard it explained this way. I am 100% in panic mode. In a strange way, the instability of my mind right now feels like the instability of my mind in a hangover, or even while drinking.
I really hope so. Thank you so much for your encouragement.
10 Likes
I don’t feel this way, Jenna. I really respect you and your insights. Thank you for helping me along.
I did think about this early on, but never followed through. I am beginning to wonder if working the 12 steps somehow would bring some stability to my life. So far I’ve only been relying on this group and podcasts.
9 Likes
I’m glad that you liked it.
You can be sure that when I was standing there by King Tut’s tomb, I had a hell of a hard time believing that I was actually in the Valley of the Kings !
6 Likes
@anon27700620 thank you for sharing your video, so amazing to see it like this 
@Lotusflower congrats on double digits 
@MagicILY congrats on 90 days
@AdvntrLane congrats on 50 days
200 days no alcohol 
168 days no cocaine.
I’ve had a migraine all day today. Attended DBT on Zoom. Ate healthy meals. Did one walk. Feeling okay. I also got invited for a Covid Vaccine next Weds which I’m very happy about 
25 Likes