I really think everything that happened the past 4 years, really put me here. Right where I have to be. This is where I have to let go of my ego. Kill it, so I can finally grow. I have the tools and thoughts. When I look outside of myself, I try to see the good. But, within, ive a lot of changes. Inside i feel movement and fire. Outside, I try not to let it get to me.
I did tell myself that I want to go to Montana to get away from people and truly find the inner self. The inner being. My son is my best friend though. I do love him.
Emotions are coming because a song just really triggered a lot. How much of a blunder this has been, but yet, how much I can truly gain within, awaits. The knowledge, the understanding, the drive and focus.
I’m moving forward to uncharted territories. Great change will come. The past year I’ve seen day 90, two other times. I will not fail myself, day by day. I will show up and keep my eyes on the prize. Every sober day has one!
I hit 90 days Semen-Retention as well. Without that knowledge and deep understanding I feel like at this point, 40% or maybe even more, 65%. Everyday it impacts my life. It impacts most of my decisions weather I like it or not. As it stands, its my lifestyle now. I’ve accepted it with open arms.
131 days off porn.
A simple, porn can fuck off, is suitable.
Anyways. I’m just emotional not because of the 90 days, but, where I’m coming from. My life is utterly boring, and somehow, I am okay with that.
This shit really will work out. Montana really helped me. Being away from the temptations and shit on the reg.
Anyways, it’s midnight. I’m tired and rambling.