Checking in daily to maintain focus #27

Continuing the thread from previous
[Checking In Daily to Maintain Focus #26

Trying to start a new one.

How you doin @Truckinmonster21
Trucker J you out there buddy? How you doin today? Been thinking about you and missing you.
Check in when your willing.
:pray:t2::heart:

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You’re right @I.cant.We.can thank you for the reminder.

:heart:

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@betterdays2come I love your optimism! Congratulations on day 2 :tada:

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Checking in Feb 23

@Dazercat thanks for checking up on me I’m In South Carolina catching some Z’s at a truck stop headed towards Kentucky I’ve been doing great as far as my ex wife goes she stopped being petty and realized we have to communicate to finalize divorce and I feel nothing but happiness and peace for her GOD has been helping me out alot !

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I really think everything that happened the past 4 years, really put me here. Right where I have to be. This is where I have to let go of my ego. Kill it, so I can finally grow. I have the tools and thoughts. When I look outside of myself, I try to see the good. But, within, ive a lot of changes. Inside i feel movement and fire. Outside, I try not to let it get to me.

I did tell myself that I want to go to Montana to get away from people and truly find the inner self. The inner being. My son is my best friend though. I do love him.

Emotions are coming because a song just really triggered a lot. How much of a blunder this has been, but yet, how much I can truly gain within, awaits. The knowledge, the understanding, the drive and focus.

I’m moving forward to uncharted territories. Great change will come. The past year I’ve seen day 90, two other times. I will not fail myself, day by day. I will show up and keep my eyes on the prize. Every sober day has one!

s-l300

I hit 90 days Semen-Retention as well. Without that knowledge and deep understanding I feel like at this point, 40% or maybe even more, 65%. Everyday it impacts my life. It impacts most of my decisions weather I like it or not. As it stands, its my lifestyle now. I’ve accepted it with open arms.

131 days off porn.
A simple, porn can fuck off, is suitable.

Anyways. I’m just emotional not because of the 90 days, but, where I’m coming from. My life is utterly boring, and somehow, I am okay with that.

This shit really will work out. Montana really helped me. Being away from the temptations and shit on the reg.

Anyways, it’s midnight. I’m tired and rambling.

:v:

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I’m going to be a grandma again!!!

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Congrats on your 3 months of recovery! Great job.
:+1:

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Day 238.
Crikey, a lot happens on here in a day! I missed a lot of milestones on the Checking in #26 thread. I tried to throw my likes all over the place in awe of all of you, but if I missed you – I’m sorry.

The thing is? I’m proud of each and every one of us, no matter what # of days.

Let’s do another one tomorrow, yeah? (Which is in about 30secs for me :wink:)
G’night, big love to all. :orange_heart:

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Morning all. How is everyone? I’m struggling a lot at the moment. My job confirms to me everyday that I’m
Not clever enough to be with the people I’m with. I make mistakes. I’ve been there one month and I’m just so panicked every morning about losing my job again (it’s happened before out of the blue). I have lost myself. My boyfriend doesn’t want to listen when I’m crying with self esteem issues and wanting to change into something else. He just talks about buying a house together and clearly I’m
Not in a good place to do that right now when my job is so uncertain. I feel overworked and sick. I miss yoga and exercise. I miss myself and knowing I’m enough. It’s making me want to cut myself or self destruct. I got annoyed with my bf last night because I just felt that he doesn’t understand, and never will be able to relate. He’s freelance and works a few hours a day. He said hed had a long day yesterday and he’d basically looked at a few properties and called a friend. I’d been working 13 hours at the desk in my bedroom. Which makes me sad because I feel like I don’t exist outside of this small dark room but my housemate owns the flat so she works in the bright lounge. I’m just confused if my relationship will ever work if we don’t mean the same things when we say hard work or long day. I know he’s got the healthy approach. And yes he’s got money behind him so he doesn’t have to work like I do. But it makes me feel so silly. He’s wealthy, and I’ve worked so hard and continue to just break even. He can’t understand what it’s like to work in an office or a job that requires a lot of you. But that’s okay. I told him yesterday that as he doesn’t want to hear it I will talk to others about it (my mum or my friend) and they will help tell me that I’m capable and give me practical tools to try and pass my probation. I feel I’m losing my mind and myself. I really want a job or a vocation where I don’t feel every morning like I’m too thick to be there. I feel like I’ve tricked everyone into hiring me because I’ve basically got excellent grades my whole life (through hard work, nothing else). So I am not naturally clever. Anyway. I’ll try ask my flatmate again if i can exist in the lounge and that might help to have some vitamin D. I’ll also just try to breathe and stay calm and hope each day that HR do not approach me to tell me it’s over. I may have to change careers, after 6 years of working to qualify into this work… I just can’t keep up with the IQs. Hard work usually pulls through but I’ve been there a month and now everyone works hard it leaves us hard workers no space to catch up with xyz. Wishing I chose a practical career that maybe required no intellectual assessment everyday. Would love to I have a space to exist in that meant I could sleep (a result of my desk being my bedside table means I’m constantly dreaming about work and cannot sleep). I’ve put in measures to separate (blanket over the desk), wind down, dim lights, but it’s hard. It starts to grind on you and I can’t cope. I had a therapist for a bit but he ended up needing my help more than I needed his. We talked about him and he offered me no support. I feel like I could be wanting to cut again. I asked my boyfriends friend if I could start volunteering in the organisation he volunteers at as it would make me feel better and I’m really committed to the cause. He said that all women copy him and it’s his thing so no. I thought that was bizarre, selfish and narcissistic. He’s become more of a misogynist to me and all his ex gfs tell me that. I’ve been here for him all year as he talks about his relationships and he’s not so much asked me one question about how I am. Sorry all this isn’t appropriate I just don’t know where to turn- my family live overseas, my flatmate is too stressed, my boyfriend doesn’t want to hear it as he says it might affect how much he fancies me, and my therapist ended up sort of hitting on me when I stopped wanting to see him. Is it okay to cut people out my life right now who make me feel bad? Anyway sorry I really must journal this instead of spamming this feed when real good people like you all need help. My friend said something great yesterday: “ITS NORMAL TO BE WRONG AND MAKE MISTAKES”. That blew my mind. I couldn’t imagine that a workplace would think that was normal. I also never know if I’m allowed to work out. I shouldn’t start for another 1.5 hours yet everyone logs on at 7am. I want to go outside for air but I know I’ll be respected less for the fewer hours especially as I’m thicker than others who work there.

Wishing you all strength on your roads to recovery, wishing you all health and good sleep, and the love you have the compassion to give and the grace to accept

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Checking in. The new app interface is nice! Glad to be here still sober. I’m bored of this pandemic time of no traveling or going anywhere. But it could be a lot worse. Lucky to have so much including sobriety.

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D 145
Checking in. Struggling a lot with solitude. I live alone, unemployed, social distancing like most of the world. Low mood, low energy, still trying to take initiative and staying active with daily chores.

Longing for companionship so bad right now I don’t know what to do with myself. Ugh.
78088e94edb335d3885280ba95e0e9ff18497a2af4730e3086eae70d9397ea36.0

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You keep going…

And think back a couple of months where you had less than you have now x you beautiful soul I know the struggle and I’m here if you need to talk!

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well relapsed as expected, just sooner than I had expected, 145days. I reached out for help, no one could. I know what I needed to do, I needed to get away, far away… but we were in lockdown. Well, next time even if we are in lockdown i’m running, i’m renting a f*ing cottage in the middle of nowhere.

Anyhow, day 2, feel like crap. At least my relapse weren’t as bad as before, and also the methsex weren’t even as enjoyable as I remember, so at least that’s a positive

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Day 206.

I got this off my support worker from day rehab, I cried this morning… I helped a friend from rehab on saturday, he had found a bottle of wine all I wanted to do was go grab that wine off him and smash it… We got through it and he oured it away… I feel such a shift in what I do…

I feel safe today, I know its hard but keep going you are worth it!

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Good morning! Sorry to hear you are going through so much. I also have felt like you. A feeling of people not understanding me. Or maybe me not understanding them. I can only speak on my own experience of how I overcame loneliness and a feeling of I’m not good enough or accepted. What I did was I realized oh I was I realized how important I am and I realized that by oh God says i am. Some people dont want to hear that but I will say that God loves us His Son died for us that’s how much he loves us that’s how important we are to God. When I realized that I realized my value. Value isnt what we have value is what someone is willing to pay for that object. God paid His Son for us. We are VALUABLE to God. I than started attending a Christian based church reading my bible and praying (talking to God and listening) I got out of my box started volunteering for all kinds of things and rejoicing in how much God LOVES me not on what others think I am. Hope this helps you. God Bless You and remember GOD LOVES YOU AND YOU HAVE VALUE TO HIM.

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Sorry to hear that. I am in the spring vacation of my uni, and not having something I HAVE to do, really is tough. Japan loves Moomin and u pop in my head everytime I see Moomin goods here, so that is quite often.

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Haha, thank you Fleur. This is very fitting then :smile:

Current mood

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  1. Still on my coffee. I slept till 10:30. Incredible. Feeling good. Another late shift coming up. No urges or cravings even if I get hungry, angry, lonely or tired, which I do at times. I’m just absolutely sure drinking or drugging wouldn’t help met with anything. It would just push me back into the pit. Instead I’ll move forward (and sometimes back) one day at a time. Sober and clean. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Love from the polder.
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Good morning friends - starting on my next 100 days! Today, on day 101, I am happy and free. My day ahead looks bright - my relationships are strong. I am starting on the steps again with my sponsor and I know that will only continue to make me stronger.
I slept well and have lots of energy this morning. I love being sober again and I love all of you for your help and friendship!
Heck, I have even lost about 25 lbs from not slamming down a gallon+ of beer every day for the past 100.
Have a wonderful day, Charlie!

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Checking in on Day 518
Wherever you are have a great Tuesday
:earth_africa::hugs:

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