Perfectly said Eric…it’s true. Definitely not a one size fits all. I’m happy I was open and willing to try. I really enjoyed it. It’s a series so I’ll watch more later… looking forward to it. 
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The victory comes in each lesson we may learn in a day. It’s learning to sort through those feelings and understand our part in them. It’s learning to comprehend the things we can change and what we can’t. It’s the strength we feel in knowing that we won’t be broken because we have faith. At least those are some of my victories when I really began to apply the 12-steps to my life. I can’t say I felt those things when I was working a program that I had devised with the same addicted brain that got me into this mess.
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@cwak Being glad you stayed sober will definitely come. I am so glad you did, give yourself some props!
@Complicatedmama Thank you for your service with the vaccine.
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Just a quick check in to say 90 DAYS!!! 
Woohoo!!! Feeling proud of myself 
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I totally know how you feel. I’m kinda in the same spot right now. Really want a drink right now but when I think about how I’ll feel tomorrow, not just physically but mentally, it’s not worth it.
I don’t have an answer for when it’ll go away. I share the same fears about life being eternally terrible and having to be that much more aware of it because I’m not drunk. BUT that’s when I tell myself that if I fill my life with hobbies/activities/people that make me happy, it probably will seem less terrible. I’m only three days in so still figuring out what those things are for me. Hopefully you can find something too.
Besides all that, I think it’s great you didn’t drink. Maybe in the future you can use this day as a point to look back on and use it to your advantage.
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Way to go on your 90 days!!
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Day three no alcohol, day one no cigarettes.
Today the no cigarette was hard. And it’s literally only one that I would smoke a day, M-F on my way home from work. My little secret treat. But it’s just not worth it. I got my car washed so it would smell good and be less tempting to have a smoke and stink it up. I think it helped a little.
Not having a drink is ok. Would I like one? Sure. Would I have just one? Not likely. So going to focus on something else.
I found out my best friend is pregnant today and I’m slated to be the godmother. Very very happy news. I’m going to look up knitting patterns for little baby clothes and things and that will be a good sobriety project for me I think.
Anyway, hope everyone is well staying strong. Thanks for being here and the endless support!
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I can only imagine how you feel about your marriage. I am sorry you are feeling down. But only without the alcohol we have a chance to go through these feelings and let them go. Not bottling them up until we explode or die or maybe are not able to feel anything at all.
And sorry to say that but it is interesting as you wrote that you hate yourself for not giving in. Two voices in your head. You can be proud that the shut up I stay in bed until tomorrow voice won. 
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& 
- Coffee and the start of my work week. Outside my window I see dawn slowly dawning for the first time this year so that’s good to see. Slept OK though not quite rested, will try to make up for it tonight. Sober and clean. Indefinitely better compared to 630 days ago.
@cwak Life isn’t easier for me now, but being sober gives me and you the possibility to work on making it better. It’s slow, sometimes tedious, hard work. One day at a time. Yes the emotions are rawer and harder to cope with at first. But our thoughts thoughts become clearer and more focused as well. We get to improve ourselves, something which is impossible when we stay under the influence and our whole lives seem like one big inescapable hellhole.
And now, ever so slowly, I’m moving forward. I still don’t really see a future but I do see light ahead. The booze kept me from working on myself. The booze kept me caught in this downward spiralling vicious cycle of depression and suicidal ideations. Those feelings are not totally gone now but I can see them, analyse them and reject them for what they are. And move forward. @cwak, if you can’t be glad today you’re sober, let me be glad for you. it’s a good day to be sober and clean. Love from Amsterdam to you and to all. Pic is my favourite street art in Amsterdam, a Keith Haring piece in the area where my friend lives who shared a meal with me last night. Peace.
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As I am unable and too stupid to find the thread I am looking for, I’ll post it here. Recommend Arte Mediathek ‘en thérapie’ guess it’s available in French and German.
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Day 241.
I must have handed over the reins – to someone, maybe to you guys, definitely to a more competent driver. I’m clearly just along for the ride and learning to enjoy the view! If I was driving? I’d have pulled over at the liquor store by now, after this week. 
Maybe not the best analogy, but all to say that having decided I don’t drink, I see how very little I’m in control of – except how I respond to the drama and real life going on around me. But that is huge. No longer are things happening to me; no more can I take it all so personally.
Things are happening. And I get to choose how to respond.
Much easier, much better – without a corkscrew in hand…
So with that, dear friends, let’s call it a day (or go start your day!). We did it - another one. And we can do it again tomorrow (er, today for @Mno 
)
G’night, big love to all. 
@Singtone – Guinness Clear, I love it! I’m gonna go hit up my faucet for some Un-wined wine.
@Deadman Kim’s Convenience? Jealous Canadian over here!
@Charlie – happy anniversary! And omg… 1989? That triggered some serious “big hair” flashbacks for me! You two are a lovely and worthy couple. 
@mleclaire 2 years? Congrats! Yup – we have our own lobster tails celebration.
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Day 845. I need to get out of bed. Some thoughts again as I am constantly dealing with them and hope I can come to peace with them somehow.
I am very sensitive to stress. This I somehow relate to being stupid, dumb and not as valuable as many others here or around me. It’s what is reflected in our society every single day and in many posts here as well. It’s a big trigger for me. I need to let that theory go that success and being under stress, working all day equals being a good member of the society. I am not even a parent. I don’t even have to deal with that stressful part.
So, out of bed. Kitchen is getting installed in some minutes.
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That’s such hard stuff, working through sorrows of the past. A step in the right direction for your recovery indeed. I hope you are getting some good rest.
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Good morning ts, today is day 11,im start to feel like I maybe bk in the human race JUST😉 life I understand isn’t always gona be easy BC how on earth would we know when it was goid/great, but life isn’t also meant to be about fighting addiction again n again there comes a time where it all has to be let go off washed away, NO TRYING TO FIND ANSWERS TO WHY WHY WHY, obviously working on yaself and toolbox is a must I feel my first serious try I wanted to many answer to question that just may r didn’t need a answer, have a grateful day lv lilemm
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Fixing the ice cream machine, you say?
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Thank you to everyone for pulling me along yesterday. I depended on all of you to help me and you came through. On this 97th day of sobriety, I’m waking up angry from yesterday, but not with the desire to drink. I’m going to the gym, and then I’ll spend the rest of the day at home again. If I feel safe enough, I may take a long drive. We’ll see.
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This is awesome!! Thank you for making this AND sharing your trip with us!
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- About to head out for my interview. For the same company, I would be moving from field operations to support staff. Monday thru friday 8 to 5. I would be a recruiter. Fingers crossed!
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