Thank you for your support!
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Having had broken ribs and a punctured lung (motorcycle accident - I got āt-bonedā, if you know what that means), I can relateā¦ it does get better, but it takes a while.
In my case, the worst part was laughing / sneezing / coughing, because of the broken ribs.
But, things get better in timeā¦ though I know that itās a bitch in the meantime.
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Day 106. Feeling fear today. I hate that I am my own worst enemy in my sobriety journey. Itās like my mind is a courtroom holding a case between my sober self and my alcoholic self. Right now, my alcoholic self is making arguments and waging war, declaring āIt may be true that alcohol did not solve your problems, but sobriety doesnāt solve them either.ā And as much as I KNOW this is a senseless argument, itās resonating deep within me.
I know itās important to ask myself, āWhat lies am I believing?ā Today, Iām having a very difficult time distinguishing between truths and deceptions. Sobriety isnāt solving my problems. My problems donāt even seem to have solutions. I hate myself and the way I feel. Alcohol provides the escape, doesnāt it? Why does sobriety matter again? Is sobriety really āworth itā or is that just something I say to convince myself to keep going? Is true happiness really attainable? Am I capable of enjoying anything in my life? Is there a way to feel good?
I donāt expect you all to answer or even reply. Iām just struggling, depressed, and close to hopelessness. 
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Great job on this new milestone!
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Hi @cwak,
Iāll give a response a try. First, I hear you. I hear your struggle and pain. So Iām not going to tell you ājust donātā, because that never works.
I will tell you two things I know are true for me. First Iāve heard it said best in AA, that you canāt fix broken thinking with broken thinking. For me that meant I had to trust that what my counselor said was true, and trust that what my sponsor said was true. I had to come to accept that those things were true and a lot of my thinking was fantasy and catastrophic rabbit holes.
Second, I got sober on the message from my higher power that everything is gonna be alright. Every little thing.
It sounds like your dealing with some mental hygiene stuff that is out of my direct experience. I know counseling worked great for me, but my problems were really all of my own making. I still gear up the problem factory on the regular!
Prayers and positive vibes are coming your way. 
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Someone literally was just talking to me about the two words: excuses and reasons. Like you have an excuse to do or not do something or you have a reason, and what is rhe difference? We came to the conclusion that excuses are lies we tell ourselves and reasons are truths that happen and change our course of action.
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Congrats on your first week Natasha. Thatās great 
And not waking up with a hangover is so much fun. You can actually get use to it. 
I am 
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Sobriety isnāt the solution to our problems but sobriety is an absolute prerequisit, an absolute condition for us to work on our problems. When we drink we hide from our problems in a hole, a hole that gets ever deeper because our problems become ever greater. When we become sober we are faced with our problems. In full colour full in our faces. At first, fresh in sobriety, we need all our energy to stay sober, so our problems seem unsurmountable. Once we get more settled in our sobriety we can truly work on our problems. Youāre not there yet cwak buit youāll get there, just like all of us, one day at a time. Yes sobriety IS worth it. But weāre all in it for the long haul. Keep going. Youāre doing great asking yourself and us these questions. Really.
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I think your thoughts are correct in a way. Simply not drinking wonāt help solving a problem whatever we name a problem. But only clear headed we have the ability to solve the problem, talk about it, or just sleep a night over it. Some problems are solved by themselves, if patient enough , uhhh patience. Canāt wait until I have it. You are doing great, I think, every day a bit better.
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Checking inā¦ goodnight all
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Thatās brilliant your doing amazing. Hope your keeping well my friend x
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Day 207 and my life keeps getting better and better! Iām finally feeling the miricals of recovery and thereās no way of ever want my old life back . This time a year ago Iād broken my wrist and was relapsing every few weeks it was as if I justified it by having a bad time I wasnāt able to get out of bed as I was riddled with anxiety and depressionā¦ now Iām coming up to 7month clean i signed up to a 100 mile walk my dog challenge for dementia UK and in 8 days Iāve walked over 33 miles. I pinch myself every morning I wake up cos I finally have a stable home Iām blessed with my amazing children and parents and grandsons. I really am grateful for the life I have today x
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@Fargesia_murielae Has your body been invaded by an body snatcher?
@MrsOdh Nice to have you back, sorry things are not working out so well with the Tweenie. You did your best.
@CapriciousCapricorn You got some groovy numbers going on there!
@CATMANCAM A shout out for always tagging so many people. You always try to support others and I really admire that.
@cwak I hear you. I will only say, sobriety itself doesnāt solve problems, true. But drinking, while it may give a temporary escape, not only doesnāt solve problems either, it makes them fucking worse. A lot worse. I think ātrueā happiness is probably this mythical thing that only happens outside reality, but small commonplace happiness can be created if we put in the work. And putting together those small happinesses make a ātrueā happiness.
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Checking in on my 10th day. I almost went for a drink but I fought through the cravings and im still almost 10 days sober. I hung out with a friend Iāve known pretty much since we were in diapers. He quit drinking after a dui a year ago and was a good person to be around today. Helped me stay positive and im still sober because of it. Im thankful for those kind of people. Also thankful for this group and everyone in it. Have a good day everyone.
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Good going. You will be free of that grasp. It takes a while but so worth it.
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Day 260
Feeling really great, zoomed with the crowd, stuck at work but they make it entertaining saw my boy Dave. Chilled with him a bit.
Got drama on the home front one of my housemates got booted for nonsense that Iām not in agreement with, but I was told Iāll side with him because of the brotherhood (heās a retired sheriff deputy) but thatās not the point, but of course now I have a target on my ass,
I donāt agree with everything, but I disagree with a reign of terror because we can.
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Thatās a great victory right there.
Congrats on ten days and how happier and not hungover in the morning youāll be.
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Bah. Terrible day check in. Got in a fight with the SO, which has always been a big trigger for me. On top of that, I am totally exhausted with the whole covid situation. First time in a really long time that I have had serious thoughts about drinking again. Sorry to whine and complain. Just venting I guess. Hope everyone is doing well.
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Another day on the books!
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