@nwags congrats on your week @Croke congrats on double digits @TSan Max is soOo cute @Lotusflower congrats on 3 weeks @MagicILY congrats on triple digits @Lisa07 prayers for your husband and sending strength for you, I hope things get easier @MrsOdh wishing you a great birthday for tomorrow! @Olivia great poem! Happy Womenās Day @AdvntrLane congrats on 60 days @dalex77 congrats on 5 months
210 days no alcohol.
178 days no cocaine.
5 days no binge-eating.
Well today has been wild! I did some admin stuff regarding my debts and creditors. Read some of the binge-eating recovery book. Had lunch. Then the email Iāve been waiting for cameā¦āhow soon can you vacate, we are heading towards exchange and completionā Eeeek! Very stressful and exciting. So I contacted the council to let them know that I need emergency housing if possible and Iāve got a homelessness assessment on Wednesday afternoon. I have also enquired about a property that looks like they will allow pets Itās stressful because I need the money from the sale before I can pay any deposits or storage or removal vans, so I canāt arrange anything yet. The solicitors have asked the buyers when they wants to move in, I feel like theyāre going to say this weekend so the anxiety is very excited, I went for a long walk to burn some of it off. Now Iāve got the packing and decluttering mission to contend with so that will keep me busy this week
I can feel myself disconnecting. I havenāt felt like this since my last suicide attempt. On that night, I drank nearly a liter of vodka and took a handful of Xanax. No idea how I survived it. Woke up in the hospital, followed by a week in the psych hospital. Iāve hit a point where I no longer believe itās possible to enjoy my lifeā¦stuck on some endless carousel of pain, shame, and misery. The biggest difference is that alcohol is not involved this time around. I guess I thought sobriety would be keep me from being here again. I distinctly remember turning to alcohol before because I knew it would give me the courage to make the attempt. Itās so deflating to feel like youāve escaped an addiction just to be stuck with the same problems. Depression is a bitch and Iām so tired of fighting.
@Mno He does at the weekends occasionally, but I get home earlier during the week and so do most of the cooking. My sonās ADHD includes some sensory issues and he can be really funny about what he eats. That was just the trigger though, and lead back to a core issue in our relationship, that he often says things like I am āoversensitiveā / ādifficult to live withā / he āwants a normal personā or as this time that āmy personality is in need of changingā which makes me feel wrong and broken, well even more wrong and broken that I do already. I suppose proving his point.
@MaddLanes303 Welcome and congratulations! To both of you!
Day 208
Constantly replaying my husbandās exasperated shrug, eye roll and hurtful words in my head. I guess I donāt like myself much either, bit of a tall order to expect someone else to. Honestly, I would go out and make myself black out today if I could get over the hangover and come back straight to where I am right now, that is, generally not craving much. But I wouldnāt would I? Alcohol would get its claws back in me, and I would slip back to really bad habits and then have to drag myself out again. Which I just donāt have the energy to do. So I will stay sober.
@cwak What help are you getting for your depression? Medication, counselling etc? Can you talk to a professional? I do understand being tired of fighting. Of having to struggle to be happy. But I do believe any of us can get ourselves on the path to some kind of happiness. I wish I could do more than type out some words.
I donāt know if it helps or not, but in this situation I gave up fighting but didnāt give up on life. I didnāt fight, because I didnāt have power and it seemed just hopeless. I focused all my remaining energy on not to act on the feeling, that I donāt see any point in this whole stuff. I just kept myself alive at the end of the day and the next day I started it again. I didnāt want to solve my problems, didnāt want to bring any meaning into my life, because at that point I knew I couldnāt. But I could breath, eat and drink water and that was enough to stay alive. I postponed everything else. Time helped and it did get better. Hang tight and ask for professional help, if needed.
One thing Iām learning in therapy is what people think and say about me is on them. Itās in their heads. Of course I heard this a million times before but now Iām really starting to see it. And feel and experience it. It also says more about them than about me. Unless, that is, when I believe what they say is true and I try to adjust myself accordingly. In a good or in a bad way doesnāt matter. We are our own people. Donāt let him decide how you feel. And for sure donāt let him make you drink. You got the power over you and if you feel you donāt itās time to take it back. Hugs.
Get more help. And itās good youāre here. Stay in contact. Iāll share this meme here for you after I posted it on the mental health memes thread.
Idk why I didnāt came back earlier, I had a couple relapses last year.
Meanwhile Iām on nightshift and my mind is going crazy, I really want to get up but I canāt.
My co workers already started to drink rum & whiskey. I know a drink would make me relax but thatās my problem. I need to stay clean. At least I can say that I didnāt had a drink at work since 1 1/2 years. This work shit started my alcohol addiction because itās totally normal to drink on nightshift.
All those bad decisions in the past are driving me crazy. I know the past canāt be changed but I was always an over thinker and atm it destroys me mentally.
Depression is indeed a bitch. It warps our perception of life and sometimes we see no light at the end of the tunnel. Iāve been there, but now I have a different way of looking at life and I am grateful for what Iāve got. It may not seem possible for you at the moment but if you get the right treatment from your doctor, and maybe a counsellor and things do get brighter. Hang on in there, you are doing well and you can be proud of yourself.
Thank you for your support and encouragement. Much appreciated. Your an inspiration. Love your pictures. Keep on keeping onā¦see you around 1 day at a time!
and sending strength for you, I hope things get easier 
Itās stressful because I need the money from the sale before I can pay any deposits or storage or removal vans, so I canāt arrange anything yet. The solicitors have asked the buyers when they wants to move in, I feel like theyāre going to say this weekend 
so the anxiety is very excited, I went for a long walk to burn some of it off. Now Iāve got the packing and decluttering mission to contend with so that will keep me busy this week 
