- I haven’t posted in a couple days. I’ve been going through some grief processing. I know it’s not out of no-where but I haven’t had these overwhelming feelings in a long time. My daughters 14th Birthday is coming up. My middle son Daniel returned to in-person school and that means I drive him to school (we’re school of choice, so no bussing there). Well after I drop him off and I’m alone in my car the past 2 days I’ve had these very overwhelming feelings of my daughter and all the things I would be doing with her if she was here with us and what she would be like. Also, her birth and everything that led to us finding out she wasn’t going to be with us very long if at all. I miss her every single day but it’s really really overwhelming right now and I’m not sure how to get through it. I talked to my sister-in-law today and told her what I’ve going through and she was so supportive and comforting but I still have such an emptiness…an emptiness I haven’t felt in a long time almost as if it was yesterday that I held my baby girl for her first and her last breaths. I don’t have urges to use but I know if I don’t get this out I’ll bottle it up and then that leads to destructive behavior. It helps I’m back to work full time. Keeps me busy. Hope you all have a good night
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Congrats on 500 
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Checking in on day 24 no devil juice. Great day at work. Little bit of anxiety when I got home. Ended up taking my son to our local fishing store then we went for a walk around our neighborhood creek. Feeling a lot better now. Hope everyone is doing well on this beautiful Tuesday evening.
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Hey mama…sending you a big mama hug. You need one. I dont doubt for a minute that you will always have these moments. They are such real, raw feelings. Proud of you today for sharing, for feeling, and for trusting yourself to stay the course. Big love to you 
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I feel you! Vaccine clinics are chaos lol but I agree servicing others bring a great feeling. You’re doing great. Sending you love and positive vibes
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Aww… what a bummer, but excited for your new tattoo!! 
Hey medicine is always progressing! Still could happen one day. I hope.
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Thank you
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Hi Patty
I’m sorry fir the loss of your daughter. Bless you and I pray for strength for you during this time. I lost a child as well…my last boy I named him Solomon he would have been 6 now.
Its true getting it out is the key. Thinking of you. Good night.
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Hi Tyler
I loved your opening I too love meditating in the mornings it feels wonderful and sets the day on a nice vibe.
Good for yiu for recognizing you needed to take a break…after thinking of the death ofvyiur mom as I child. My mother also passed on 21 years ago…still hard. But I know she’s always with me know.
Praying for you that you find accommodation that except your cat crew…I get it…thsts your family.
Keep well
See you around 1 day at a time.
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Hello TS Family. Checking in Day 23…I don’t even look at days that much anymore. I just do one day sometimes minute at a time. Things progressing well. Feel like pieces are coming together. Had a 2 hour zoom consult with a lawyer today. Building knowledge to decide my next steps in regards to custody and child support. Recovery is hard work but so worth it. Keep well all. See you around 1 day at a time.
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Checking in on day 211. I made potato wedges. They were okay.
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Day 253.
A good day. After an unseasonably warm weekend, old man winter came back strong. (Sideways snow at times.) Braved the roads a short distance to make it to a hair appointment - the first cut in 9 months. (Feeling prom-ready, over here!)
Neither of these have anything to do with a drink. This time last year? I’d have used either/both as some kind of justification to uncork a bottle. Makes me chuckle now - the mental gymnastics no longer required! Makes me grateful for this place - I’d rather hang with all of you instead. 
Let’s see what sober delights tomorrow brings! G’night all. 
@RosaCanDo, @Mno, @Singtone, and @siand - here’s the real thing! Thanks for the return honks I woke up to
@MrsOdh Happy Birthday! Wishing you a year of great health, much happiness, pink galore!, and just a good chance to exhale and catch your breath! 
@Complicatedmama and @MagicMama thank you for your vulnerability, your honesty, for sharing. Hugs to you both.
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I’m so sorry for what you’re going through and what you must have gone through Patty. I cannot imagine the sadness and pain in your heart. I’m Glad you shared. I hope it helps. You are in my prayers for peace and strength.
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Checking in for day 3 
staying strong x
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Ya those pesky feelings. They keep creeping up on you. I’m not sure if this is what you mean but while I’m alone and walking with whatever music some old memory comes to mind. Usually a bad one like one of my addicted children struggling in a rehab or hospital or whatever and I cry because I wasn’t fully there for them. I was totally functioning for them and there for them but after I just drank and drank away their pain and mine. I don’t know. It just hits me out of the blue sometimes. It helps me to share them here. Sometimes I think I even work up those kinds of feelings up on purpose to either punish myself for all the drinking I did or to get a release. It’s always a pretty good release.
And it sure as heck is still better to be sober IMO.
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- Coffee. Workday coming up. Had a great hike yesterday. Rather overcast and cool, nobody around, just me and a whole bunch of birds, the quiet accentuated by the chirping, hooting, cawing and honking around. A quiet cacophony so to speak. Feeling pretty fit. Sober and clean. Not going as fast as I can anymore (like I used to) but taking more time to observe and appreciate. Now I’m ready to face the rest of the world again. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Clean and sober. Love from Botshol.
@Dan531 500 Dan! Huge congrats friend. Excellent work.
@anon60334405 400 Ain’t half bad either Mike! Congrats!
@Complicatedmama Big hugs Patty. I’m so sorry.
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I know that everything isn’t perfect but somedays (in sobriety) you couldn’t tell me otherwise. Such an amazing blessing to have Gods grace. Good night TS…
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Off to work enjoy your day everyone!
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533 Days! Oh my!!! 
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Your post was deeply moving. Thank you for sharing.
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