Checking in daily to maintain focus #28

Checking in today, starting day 6.
Feeling much better. Still strong thoughts but can handle them.
Already attended one Meeting and have another Meeting later today as well.
Now I also remember that this will get better with every 24 hours :slightly_smiling_face:
Have a good 24 hours everyone!

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Whew! My current reality and realization. Well said.

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Ehhhhh, I am not sure as what to write. I asked for self-suspension and already gave in. It was somehow weird to be able to read like watching over a fence w/o the others noticing it. And being completely powerless to add some thoughts, well-wishes, hugs and so on. I was thinking why the hell am I always running away. Triggers are easy to find everywhere. Not reacting on them is like saying no to the first drink which has become like a new normal.
So I add some gratitude here as well. Grateful for being readmitted to almost all sections here. Grateful sacred German train were on time the whole trip. Grateful all toilets were clean.

@RosaCanDo rosa, i hope you are doing better now.
@Mno Menno, tank you for your great and quick help. :pray:

And to everyone else also a big thank you for your insights.

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Thanks Shay! Nicely done on 600+ btw!!!

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Welcome back Franzi! :slight_smile:

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@Mno
Congratulations on 650 day Menno. Have a great weekend. :pray:t2::heart: Glad you’re here.
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@Dragonflygirl82

I will keep you posted, I left a message to see if I can zoom or phone interview,

However care package contained cookies! Homemade, and they were bad ass.,

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Day 193 and damn proud of it. I am sober today and not hungover because I had supports in place when I got into zombie mode yesterday and bought wine and hid it from my husband. I don’t really know what came over me, I guess it was the fact that I have an addiction, but there I was at the grocery store in the liquor section and buying wine in those mini boxes that are easy to hide. Like the “old” days. I came home and sort of woke up, texted my sober friend and she said to tell my husband, so I did. And we dumped it together. We even have alcohol in the house because he still drinks. It made no sense. But it was a throwback to the times when I thought my husband’s night meetings were a great time to drink alone and just go to bed and pass out. I used to think alcohol was a trigger for migraines, but this time a migraine might have been a trigger for drinking. I’m talking to my therapist about it, to my sober friends and my husband. I am choosing to feel like this is a victory as opposed to fighting with the shame monster today. I stayed sober. And I am grateful. I hesitated to share this but this is exactly the time to share. Thank you for being here, TS amigos. Sending big, grateful love to you all today. :heartpulse:

@anon74766472 Franzi, I am glad you’re back! I can really relate to what you have written, how to have healthy boundaries here is a challenge sometimes. But I think it is also a great place to practice :upside_down_face:

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Yummy :yum: and good luck! :four_leaf_clover:. I think most places are ok with zoom due do Covid.

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Proud of you Rosa!

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Thank you, Charlie.

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Hell ya that’s a victory!!
You were in overtime with a man down and you pulled out the W !
Congratulations on your big win Rosa.
:pray:t2::heart:

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Thank you, Eric. I was shaking in my boots for a minute there!

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@Mno congrats on 650 and 2000 :tada:
@RosaCanDo That’s definitely a win :raised_hands:t2: well done for reaching out to a sober friend, actually telling your husband, and now sharing here too, not far from a milestone so that may have played a part. I hope you’re feeling better today. :pray:t2:

221 days no alcohol.
189 days no cocaine.
16 days no binge-eating.

Viewed that flat this morning, it was lovely and I’ve made an application and paid the holding deposit. Just gotta hope and pray they accept me, I’m worried about my credit file which has taken a massive hit since being unable to work.

My biggest concern at the moment is that I’ve got drug dealers watching me, for atleast the last 14 days, they keep parking in my private car park, and also down the side of my block outside the window I usually vape out of. I was finally able to take down their number plate/registration today, but I can’t bring myself to call the police. I don’t know if I should, it’s been nearly 7 fkin months. It’s really scary I feel like I can’t leave my flat to go for walks. It’s so invasive. I wish I was brave/stupid so I could go down and confront them and say I’ll call the police if I ever see you here again, but I’m not, they’ve stabbed someone in my car park before so I know what they are capable of. I don’t know what they are trying to achieve I really don’t. I wouldn’t know what exactly to say to the police if I were to call them either. Ugh. I’m terrified that they are going to stalk me until I move and then know my new address. I’m scared they will be here when my dad helps me move and then follow us, and because my dad doesn’t know about my using, I couldn’t explain to him to make sure they weren’t following. I don’t know what to do but I really don’t like how it’s making me feel.

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@Truckinmonster21 how u doing

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Thank you for sharing Rosa. It is a real, we all have shit show moments kind of message. Your right, it doesn’t make sense. What does make sense is the conflicting feelings you felt. I have to imagine that meeting this challenge, speaking up about it, and actually reaching out when in need are all things the “old” Rosa would not have done. This is pretty special and I sure hope that when faced with my own challenges I can say the same.

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Can you make an anonymous call to the police and ask them to patrol your area? Maybe if the dealers see them around more, they’ll find some place else to go.

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Been so busy at work didnt even see i was 600 days yesterday. Hope everyone has a blessed sober day.

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Thank you Fargesia. Life is better.

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I thought that we only had TWO seasons in Canada… winter and road construction !!

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