Whew! My current reality and realization. Well said.
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Ehhhhh, I am not sure as what to write. I asked for self-suspension and already gave in. It was somehow weird to be able to read like watching over a fence w/o the others noticing it. And being completely powerless to add some thoughts, well-wishes, hugs and so on. I was thinking why the hell am I always running away. Triggers are easy to find everywhere. Not reacting on them is like saying no to the first drink which has become like a new normal.
So I add some gratitude here as well. Grateful for being readmitted to almost all sections here. Grateful sacred German train were on time the whole trip. Grateful all toilets were clean.
@RosaCanDo rosa, i hope you are doing better now.
@Mno Menno, tank you for your great and quick help. 
And to everyone else also a big thank you for your insights.
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Thanks Shay! Nicely done on 600+ btw!!!
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I will keep you posted, I left a message to see if I can zoom or phone interview,
However care package contained cookies! Homemade, and they were bad ass.,
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Day 193 and damn proud of it. I am sober today and not hungover because I had supports in place when I got into zombie mode yesterday and bought wine and hid it from my husband. I donāt really know what came over me, I guess it was the fact that I have an addiction, but there I was at the grocery store in the liquor section and buying wine in those mini boxes that are easy to hide. Like the āoldā days. I came home and sort of woke up, texted my sober friend and she said to tell my husband, so I did. And we dumped it together. We even have alcohol in the house because he still drinks. It made no sense. But it was a throwback to the times when I thought my husbandās night meetings were a great time to drink alone and just go to bed and pass out. I used to think alcohol was a trigger for migraines, but this time a migraine might have been a trigger for drinking. Iām talking to my therapist about it, to my sober friends and my husband. I am choosing to feel like this is a victory as opposed to fighting with the shame monster today. I stayed sober. And I am grateful. I hesitated to share this but this is exactly the time to share. Thank you for being here, TS amigos. Sending big, grateful love to you all today. 
@anon74766472 Franzi, I am glad youāre back! I can really relate to what you have written, how to have healthy boundaries here is a challenge sometimes. But I think it is also a great place to practice 
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Yummy 
and good luck! 
. I think most places are ok with zoom due do Covid.
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Thank you, Charlie.
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Hell ya thatās a victory!!
You were in overtime with a man down and you pulled out the W !
Congratulations on your big win Rosa.
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Thank you, Eric. I was shaking in my boots for a minute there!
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@Mno congrats on 650 and 2000 
@RosaCanDo Thatās definitely a win 
well done for reaching out to a sober friend, actually telling your husband, and now sharing here too, not far from a milestone so that may have played a part. I hope youāre feeling better today.
221 days no alcohol.
189 days no cocaine.
16 days no binge-eating.
Viewed that flat this morning, it was lovely and Iāve made an application and paid the holding deposit. Just gotta hope and pray they accept me, Iām worried about my credit file which has taken a massive hit since being unable to work.
My biggest concern at the moment is that Iāve got drug dealers watching me, for atleast the last 14 days, they keep parking in my private car park, and also down the side of my block outside the window I usually vape out of. I was finally able to take down their number plate/registration today, but I canāt bring myself to call the police. I donāt know if I should, itās been nearly 7 fkin months. Itās really scary I feel like I canāt leave my flat to go for walks. Itās so invasive. I wish I was brave/stupid so I could go down and confront them and say Iāll call the police if I ever see you here again, but Iām not, theyāve stabbed someone in my car park before so I know what they are capable of. I donāt know what they are trying to achieve I really donāt. I wouldnāt know what exactly to say to the police if I were to call them either. Ugh. Iām terrified that they are going to stalk me until I move and then know my new address. Iām scared they will be here when my dad helps me move and then follow us, and because my dad doesnāt know about my using, I couldnāt explain to him to make sure they werenāt following. I donāt know what to do but I really donāt like how itās making me feel.
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Thank you for sharing Rosa. It is a real, we all have shit show moments kind of message. Your right, it doesnāt make sense. What does make sense is the conflicting feelings you felt. I have to imagine that meeting this challenge, speaking up about it, and actually reaching out when in need are all things the āoldā Rosa would not have done. This is pretty special and I sure hope that when faced with my own challenges I can say the same.
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Can you make an anonymous call to the police and ask them to patrol your area? Maybe if the dealers see them around more, theyāll find some place else to go.
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Been so busy at work didnt even see i was 600 days yesterday. Hope everyone has a blessed sober day.
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Thank you Fargesia. Life is better.
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I thought that we only had TWO seasons in Canadaā¦ winter and road construction !!
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748 days cocaine
402 days alcohol
267 smoking
The beginning was rough but now Iām in an amazing place.
The biggest thing for me was to tell myself not today every day.
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Hello everyone! I stop by to celebrate that my hands no longer shake or have chills after 3 very hard days of abstinence.
I donāt feel like drinking, but I havenāt even left the house yet and Iām very scared to face being in front of a bottle again. For the moment I have decided not to go anywhere where there is alcohol, until the deeper work is ingrained.
I have a lot to doā¦ and to be honest there is a voice (the voice of the addict) that tells me that I am not going to get it.
But that was not the voice that made me decide to stop and that voice will continue to guide me. My own self.
I have to rediscover who I am. alcohol made me lose track of my own personality.
thanks for your posta and your good advice.
I read you with interest
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