Been kind of hiding and staying in the flat more the last week, im not coping with my verbal tics nor my motor tics, I hate that people stare, I went out on Monday and brought some pens, I proceeded to smash it off my head… The instant reaction I got off the staff, ‘why did you do that’ you know the shitty thing is its not like you can’t see I’m jerking because you can. I shout random words while I’m out and yet still they ask a stupid question!
After explaining and apologising one walked off and the other helped me pick up the scattered pens… At that point it was like the switch engaged that in life their are the people who care and want to help and their are others who float back into their own little bubble.
I’ve got in contact with my neurologist as I think I need my meds changing the disheartening part is any meds now will have ‘parkinson effects’. Just yeah so I’m in a mood of what do I do… One of the main reasons I smoked pot was it helped but the addict in me knows this is just a No, so I feel low and shitty because life can be a shit storm but here’s to riding the shit storm sober!
Today is day 237 of kicking them dirty drugs ! And also day 1 of no smoking! I’m sitting in hospital ready for surgery! I’m having 14 teeth out today because I didn’t look after myself for years in addiction .I have so many rotten and missing teeth I totally hate what I see in the mirror so after today my journey starts to have a smile I can be proud of. In 2 weeks time I’ll be able to have false teeth until I’m properly healed then I can have implants. I’m so excited and also so frightened as I know I’ll be in alot of pain and can’t have morphine as I know if i have it it will kick off cravings for heroin. God bless you all on this journey xx have a beautiful day x x
I was just sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. My husband, who had begged and bullied me to stop drinking, had given up even reacting to it. It was AA, proper, or the next step was in-patient, which I did not want to do. So I tried what I had always resisted. I am not saying it has to be AA for you. But if you can only get 4 days now, what else can you do? Keep throwing stuff at it till something sticks. I think for many of us, the key is personal improvement and connecting with people who understand, we do it in different ways, but they are the key two points I think.
Day 299 clean and sober today. Learning first hand how my addiction is not just about substances (which I’ve known) but how it will grip onto anything to try and change the way I feel inside. Glad to be on this journey with you all, thank you for everything. Love you guys
Checking in sober. Found out my coworker’s son died of alcoholism yesterday. I didn’t know him personally, but he was only in his early 40’s. Sad and scary stuff. It goes to show ya how dangerous drinking really is. I want to be happy and live a full sober life and I am willing to fight for it one day at a time. Keep fighting everyone
Checking in, day 153 no alcohol, day 15 no nicotine. I made a mistake at work and I feel awful about it, because it has been published already. It’s not a huge one, but I feel this constant remorse, that I could work better, I could be better at it, but at the end of the day I can’t focus better if the kids are always around, homeschooling has a pretty bad effect on my work. I had the same feeling when I used to drink, I was constantly unsatisfied with my work, but couldn’t do anything against it. Also my field is pretty subjective, so I can have never ending inner debates about it without any factual solution.
Nowadays I was very close to smoking, I feel alone and miss emotional security. Feeling really exhausted. Sleeping also started to become an escape, those hours are good when I’m not awake.
295 days. Had an absolutely wonderful day yesterday and even got some tan lines. Although I’m enjoying the time by myself I must admit I’m missing my man and the girls. Hopefully today goes well with them working on the motorhome and they’ll be on their way home soon. Today is supposed to be another beautiful day so I plan to spend as much of it outside as I can. Have an interview next week and was excited when they called to schedule. I had previously applied for the same position in a different department but the competition was placed on hold. The manager from the previous competition put my name forward for this one and somehow that in itself made me feel good. I know a job isn’t the golden answer and have been told that perhaps I’m not meant to be doing anything other than working on myself but damn do I want this job. I’m trying some manifestation techniques and have been visualizing myself coming and going from their corporate office and parking lot since interviewing for the first position. Everything about this position is appealing but I won’t allow myself to feel defeated if I’m not the successful candidate.
You’re probably one of the bravest people here. Carry on any way you can. And fuck all those who would rather stare from a far then offer you a hand or a kind word…
A friend of mine has quite severe tics that have got noticeably louder and more movement during lockdown. I got nothing helpful to add but just wanted to let you know that I’m sending you all the good vibes I can and I’ve seen how shitty some people in the public can be. Well done on staying sober, you’re doing great!
Part 2. My Assitant manager, the one that lost her common sense last night has now called in. There are no extra people to call in, it’s just me working a double.
If this were day 1, I probably: 1) taste the beer already, 2) be grumpy as fuck right now, 3) be considering how triggered I am, 4) debating is sobriety is worth it.
As of now…slightly miffed, planning on how to succeed, treating my workers with respect.
If you are new to the sobriety journey…this is life. Sobriety doesnt promise perfection…it gives you peace in the storm, clarity…
