Hi friends… THANKYOU so much to everyone who sent me birthday wishes etc… There are too many to reply to individually so this is my big group thank you hugs n kisses to everyone 
… I felt the love reading everyone’s words. It means the world to me seeing y’all put words down that touch my heart love y’all to the moon and back… I havnt been on here for days now. I’m way behind in my reading and catching up on where y’all are at etc… I’ll get on top of it over the weekend…sending big love to y’all
day 14
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- Coffee. Slept better. Think I’ll go for a bike ride. It’s fresh but sunny. Time to enjoy my holiday! Sober and clean. Have as good a Friday as you all can friends. Clean and sober. Love from Amsterdam. Pic is a leftover twig of rosemary which instead of binning I gave a second chance. Coming along nicely.
@Penguin Thanks for sharing your trials and tribulations friend. Glad you’re here. Together we can do this yes.
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I had always kind of hoped that NOT drinking all the time would help at least with the depression, if not with the tinnitus!
No luck on both counts.
Oh well…
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Absolutely inspiring. Well done to you.
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Yikes, I’ve had bad tinnitus my whole life. I was in my 30’s when I found out everyone doesn’t have a high pitch eeeeeeeeeeee screeching in their ears 24/7. I was pissed. Sorry you’re dealing with both. The good news is that even though just being sober doesn’t fix it, not being sober makes it worse. It took me such a long time, but I finally found a therapist that I adore. Hope you’re feeling better soon. You were so much better during and after your trip. I wonder if there’s anything about your trip you could emulate to help you feel better at home 
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I suppose that I could try scuba diving in my bathtub… It wouldn’t be very interesting, however.
That’s the thing about depression, you see. When there is enough of a distraction (like when I was on my trip), it helps to stave off what is otherwise the normal way of feeling. But once that distraction is over, invariably when I’m back home, working seven days a week and spending 99% of my time by myself, the depression quickly fills the void left by the momentary distraction. Not that I would wish my presence on anyone else! I would have no reason to ruin anyone else’s day / life by being part of it.
You would think that would be used to it after 40 or 50 years.
No such luck there either.
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I know you are not very interested in advice, but surely there are some ways that you could make your daily life less depression causing? I also know you work a lot, how much of that is just avoiding life? I know you don’t want to “burden” people with your depression, but have you thought about getting out and doing some volunteer work? Feeding homeless people, in an animal centre, etc? Doing something of benefit to others, so you won’t feel like you are imposing, you will feel like you are actually doing some good?
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That wouldn’t be a good idea, my presence would be more harmful than beneficial.
My work (translator / interpreter) helps people to communicate with one another, generally without ever having to actually come into contact with me.
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How would your presence be harmful? If u are providing a service, and being as generally polite and common-sensical as u are on here, what harm would it do?
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It’s a little like radiation… you can’t see it or smell it or hear it, but the harm is still real.
I don’t do things deliberately to cause people any harm or discomfort or anything like that, my presence is enough, generally.
That’s one of the great things about being a simultaneous interpreter… you sit at the back of the room no one sees you or really pays attention to the fact that you’re there, but they get the interpreting service that they need for the meeting or whatever… it’s almost perfect.
Day 315 clean and sober today. Still waiting to hear when I’ll officially be able to start at the rehab center but took a temp job at a nursery while I’m waiting and I start today. Have an amazing day everyone, love you guys!!! 
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For the big ones, I use the calendar 
The TS forum and it’s members past and present are at the core of my recovery. Without your posts, I think my last 18 months would have looked very different.
Thank You!!! 
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Gosh, last night I hardly got any sleep. I kept on getting lucid nightmares and each time I forced myself to wake up I saw evil entities in my room… I believe they are called hypnogogic hallucinations. Those are normally auditory for me and it has been a while since I’ve had visual ones. I must stop watching Paranormal Caught on Camera before going to bed!
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Checking in on day 313, I hope everyone is doing well today
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Big 300!! Get to celebrate by having a waterline repaired in my front yard. Had a bounce house out up yesterday and they found a pipe. Yay!! Excited to hit 300 though.
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Congratulations on 300!! That is amazing 
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Oh wow! Congrats congrats congrats! This puts a huge smile on my face! 
Thank you for all you bring to this place. 
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