As my clean journey continues, I’m finding the friends i have made in recovery have not been weathering the clean life so well. People who got clean before me have fallen, the staff in rehab who got me started, showed me how to live clean and believed in me have also fallen victim to their disease. What use to scare me, now motivates me even more to work a good program. I’ve learned working in a rehab or sober living dosen’t help you stay clean. Knowing what to do to stay clean/sober and preaching it to others does nothing if you don’t practice it yourself. The most common factor for people I know relapsing is they stop working a program and stop letting others know what’s going on.
If you’re struggling, tell some. Let someone know before you drink or use. Being accountable to only yourself is possibly setting yourself up for failure. Share here or to another human being before you drink or use.
Great job April. I love my Pilates reformer workouts. I use to take classes pre covid. Unfortunately the little place near me in Santa Monica shut down
I did get my own reformer. What I like most is the very low impact. I’m tired of getting hurt when I work out. This hasn’t happened with Pilates. Good luck. It’s worth it. And I think you’ll like it.
Over a year now into my sobriety and I’m listening to the audio version of the Big Book. And I’m lovin it! First half of my walk Big Book audio. Second half my favorite tunes.
And I get what you mean. Strangers, check out people, and wait staff always asking us “what are your plans for the weekend” it’s always errands .
If it wasn’t for my wife. She would kill me. But I’d say. “Just trying to stay sober.” Because those are great plans.
That Stella’s got some good shit going on. We’re all wise to take what she shares.
So today I have 1 year 9 months and 21 days clean off of substances. I dont do anything anymore. I dont even smoke cigarettes. I might drink caffeine once a day maybe if that. I had also made the choice to abstain from relationships and what goes with that. I have 1 year 10 months and 21 days with that. I had decided to give myself to God and devote my life to him and wait for that special someone but I can say that I have been feeling a little lonely. Not that I really want anyone right now because people kinda suck. I am feeling down and out and had previously been working toward the goals I have in my life that surround my family and my church family. Because of a circumstance I am having to deal with currently it feels like everything is at a standstill. I didnt know how goal oriented and how distracted that made me until i have been forced to sit on my butt and not do too much. I live in a home with like 6 other women and all of them are in relationships but me and at times i listen to their conversations (not intentionally) and get the urge (because i picture it) to throw something at their faces. Why? you might ask. Because most of them are in relationships but also have side relationships and it just makes me see how people just fall right back into the same ol’ things. Like no one has morals nowadays or what. Then its like you hear their stories and they got into these relationships while being addicted and now that they have to be sober they still do the same things and it feels like a spit in the face to those of us that might actually want to take our sobriety serious. Because if they are doing these things still what makes me think they will want to take their sobriety seriously. And i find myself a bit bitter having to be surrounded by people who dont seem to care. they want to break the rules here act like things are cool because they have like 10 boyfriends they are juggling. And i might be feeling this way because of the lonely feelings i having right now but i would rather be single then amongst the chaos. I dont know where i was going with any of this. i guess i just needed to rant. I just keep praying that my attitude changes back to the way it was before i had to deal with being in this house dealing with this circumstance.
Ah that’s great to hear. Ive had my Pilate’s gym membership for over three months now and I’m yet to do a class. So I glad you have positive feedback. That’s encouring
So sorry to hear this, @Wunderbar. I don’t know if it’s the pandemic, but a lot of old timers I have heard say the same thing. You’ve got to keep sobriety as a focus and keep working it. Thanks so much for sharing this.
I also love pilates, and I also have a reformer it is my favorite. It really helps my spine and I am able to do it with my fibro if I go easy.
Pilates is amazing for your body.
Day 307.
A busy day on the home front. Got a few things in case we have another lockdown (could be coming), and also just got caught up. Well, mostly. Finished up some paperwork, went to the empty office quick to switch files, started my chores at home, but then put a stop to it all when one of my dearest pals called. We always find stuff to cackle away about! Felt good.
Found some receipts in my paperwork for travel claims. Gak, could I put back the wine in a restaurant. Or an airport. Funny, I shuddered at the notion of wine with dinner, but got all nostalgic about the airport (multiple mimosas in Frankfurt this time 2 years ago). WTF, M? It’s possible to change planes without wine in between!
I know this: there’s no airport wine bar worth taking my days away, my presence of mind, my lack of anxiety, my calm. I will look forward to travelling again one day, maybe go visit the TS chapter across the Atlantic!, and leave the wine be. I’ll see myself to the coffee bar now.
Goodnight, friends. Let’s go show 'em how to do a Monday. Big love to all.
@anon83587935 Nine months yesss! Congrats. Give that sweet pooch of yours an extra belly rub from the dog girl and I!
I think that says it all. Sometimes we just have to feel 2 things at once. Both/and, not either/or.
The lonely will pass, and you’ll still wake up sober and all the better for it.
@apes2020 day 8 too! Yay go us I read that low intensity exercise like walking really helps with weightloss if that’s a goal for you (and I think you already do cardio etc). I started combining my normal gym routine with just walking loads and loads and lost a lot of weight. I also cannot meditate if my life depended on it but it’s supposed to be good at keeping sober so I’m determined to fit it in somewhere, so I found this ‘walking meditation’ which I use for 10 mins when walking and its great! And you can still walk fast while doing it! I think some people can only be still while moving (if you see what I mean). Hope you enjoy the pilates! @Wunderbar never crave alone- that’s very helpful, thank you. Craving makes me feel i have to revolve inside on myrself and go on this inwards downwards twister and if i do that, then there’s always a drink at the bottom. I’m really trying this whole outwards rather than inwards thing with cravings. There’s always this massive block to telling someone though like " yeah but then they would stop me". So I guess I’m going at it a bit late already and it’s already started? Anyway, for now I’m still managing not to cave in to the crave!
Have a happy Monday everyone (a holiday for some of us in Europe, yay)!
Went on a massive hike yesterday to mark 2 weeks sober ! Felt so good getting out and seeing the world. I recommend hiking to anyone who’s struggling and needs something to distract their mind, it’s done me wonders !
Coffee. No holiday in the Netherlands but for me it is @Bigbear. This whole week. Having friends over for dinner tonight. We had dinner together on and off for some 25 years. We used to do it on a Thursday night and I had my fixed day off work on Friday so I could drink and be hungover the next morning at will. Which I did and was.
Now I’m sober the dynamic changed of our gettogethers. One of my mates followed my example and quit drinking too. One still does but we don’t get into drunk, rowdy discussions like we used to do. Not getting all worked up drunk is much better for my mental health. The fourth never drank much, he still smokes but if we are together at my place he has to go outside to do so now.
We part a bit earlier these days. Which is fine. We still have a good time sharing some good (I hope) food and talk. I stay sober and clean. Actually this dinner dates with my mates have been a good practise ground for me to go out and do some fine dining without drinking. I thought I’d miss the drinking wine part a lot. I don’t. Water and/or a NA beer or cider works fine for me.
Have as good a week as you all can friends. Clean and sober. Love from Amsterdam where it’s still too cold but a little city hike I had yesterday reminded me it actually is spring.
25 years of friendship and dinners is quite an achievement and love that the dynamics change but the meals remain. Always enjoy your updates and pictures from Amsterdam. Can’t wait to visit there again once situations allow.
Alcohol on 128
Marjuana on 120
Smoking on 118 (using a vape)
Finally making myself accountable. Did miss that.
My relapse prior to Christmas was awful, not that I caused damage or hurt anyone, but it was the feeling of self-loathing, anxiety and depression. I just could not do that no-more, life deserves more respect.
I read Annie Grace slowly and carefully it resonated so much, i wanted to rewire my brain for all my addictions, thought if I tried all 3 vices my brain would not be confused. I did podcasts, the bubble hour, I still do daily, I had never tried podcasts before what a great tool. I journal religiously and that helps so much. I am learning about me, I have accepted the truth I can’t have 1.
I have read here all the time, but was scared to change my routine and make myself post, not sure if that makes sense. But it was so hard when I wanted to like or comment on achievements that as I sat here reading this thread this morning, I thought go for it
There has been amazing stuff on here that’s helped me and put me in awe, and I am so ridiculously inspired by certain members or were with me on similar journeys @Dolse71@Misokatsu@Girlinterrupted and doing so amazing to name a few.
Congrats @Mno for admin, and @Its_me_Stella for still being here with wonderful insight.
Still working with Homeless love it, think they help me more!
So relieved to be back taking that extra step on my sober journey… massive congratulations s to all on some fabulous milstones.
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so amazing! 
It’s possible to change planes without wine in between!
I read that low intensity exercise like walking really helps with weightloss if that’s a goal for you (and I think you already do cardio etc). I started combining my normal gym routine with just walking loads and loads and lost a lot of weight. I also cannot meditate if my life depended on it but it’s supposed to be good at keeping sober so I’m determined to fit it in somewhere, so I found this ‘walking meditation’ which I use for 10 mins when walking and its great! And you can still walk fast while doing it! I think some people can only be still while moving (if you see what I mean). Hope you enjoy the pilates!
. This whole week. Having friends over for dinner tonight. We had dinner together on and off for some 25 years. We used to do it on a Thursday night and I had my fixed day off work on Friday so I could drink and be hungover the next morning at will. Which I did and was.
have a nice week to everyone
