Day 959
I wasn’t very active around here lately. Just did some reading when I felt like it. But last days I feel different. A bit uncomfortable maybe? So here I am checking in sober. Maybe I need extra focus?
So…see you aroud people, I’m back!
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Over 3 weeks off cocaine and 5 days off alcohol . Feeling positive about my life and my sobriety. All the best and have a great day. . 
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Morning everyone,
Day 3,
Just for today, I’m not drinking.
Hope you all have a great day x
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I have been out of my meditation and yoga loop for a while and can feel how much more easily it is to get sucked into my thoughts, creating a narrative around my emotions rather than just experiencing the discomfort and letting it pass. I know that it will pass, and I know I don’t need to do anything about it. But my mind just wants to go into fix mode!
Three deep breaths friend 
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I feel like I’m in a similar place with meditation. Rather than it being a solid part of my daily routine it has become very reactionary. In the past few months I have pretty much just done short body scans, anxiety calming etc. when I have needed to. And I have also noticed a shift, all be it mild, into spiralling thoughts, rumination. I noticed recently that I really haven’t been focused on my recovery for a while now. I’ve had a lot going on so it’s all good, but I could do with regaining some of that focus.
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I get that not done a gym class for a year re covid, our gyms are opening on the 17th excited! Did an online class yesterday was not far off sliding down the stairs my legs are ike stone… so better do a few more… well done for taking these steps all helps. Plates is one of my favourites
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Right back at you, Maggie. 
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Day 266
Went to a park and took a boxed lunch and met some friends. My son got a headache, even though he was in the shade and not playing much (at 12 getting too big for playing) , so on the way home my daughter started getting jealous he was getting all the attention and suddenly got tired and hurty feet even though she was totally fine up until then. My husband is working today, and usually I would feel pressure to make something proper for dinner even though I just got home. Since getting sober I have more confidence or more something to just be like, sorry, no dinner today, or just instant stuff. Maybe I always felt unconsciously guilty about the times I drank and had to make up for it somehow. Or maybe letting go of some ideals of what a perfect wife is, cos quite frankly, I am far from that, and I am beginning to learn that that is just fine.
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- Coffee. Windy and wet outside but still planning on going out and have a walk through town. It’s the day of remembrance of all who died during wartime. The commemoration ceremony on Dam square is cancelled for the second year running, you all know why. I’ll walk along some of the monuments remembering WWII in town. And remember the friends and other ones who are lost to another war, the war of fighting addiction. I don’t think that’s disrespect. There’s no plaquettes and memorials for them. But they’re victims too and I don’t want to forget them.
Tomorrow it’s Freedom day and I’ll celebrate being free. Both free from oppression and war, and free from addiction. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Pic shows the herbs I got yesterday and I intend to re-pot tomorrow as a start to my balcony herb garden. Love from Amsterdam.
@Steve92 Huge belated congrats on 1000 days of freedom Steve!
@SoberWalker Happy to see you back Claudia.
@apes2020 Happy for you April. Sounds like a solid program you’re into now. All success.
@PinkyP I’m glad to see you back here Pinky. Let’s work this! Together. Hugs.
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What a beautiful thoughtful gesture Menno. And even more with this kind of weather. I’m waiting for the rain to go because I wanna walk. Found a podcast app with loads of recovery apps. So I can get some extra focus, I think I need some.
Have a nice walk for you too.
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Day 16. Getting closer to once again reaching my longest sober stint (a pathetic number of 30 days) feeling very healthy. Mentally still up and down but I guess these feelings only subside with time… So we go on 
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Keeping on fighting to stay sober is never pathetic @Foreverfree36 I have definitely noticed the ups and downs are less extreme, and moreover I can understand more why the downs are happening, (that is from step work, but any other personal development would help with that)
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This really resonates with me, Fleur. I agree with you that I don’t quite know what to call it. It’s a kind of confidence, but it’s also a little less self loathing which allows us to accept that what we’re doing is ok and we don’t have to prove ourselves to others. We’re more in control.
I really can’t articulate it, but I definitely agree with you.
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I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
Day 247
My new course started today. Project management, and we’re supposed to create a project group and run a small project. Some of us got special permission to do individual projects. Since it’s usually a minor chaos here I applied for that permission,and hopefully my teacher will approve it.
Right now it’s pretty calm here though, and hopefully it’ll last. Pa is getting better, at least it seems so. And the old lady we’re helping is only going to stay here for a few weeks more before we’re all done.
I’m getting more and more convinced that my new idea about maybe starting my own company is a good idea. Unfortunately the guy with the real business brain in this family, aka my husband hasn’t had the time to actually look at it yet. But I’m not in a huge rush.
Weather is cold and rainy, and it’s supposed to stay like that for weeks. I don’t mind the rain but It’s definitely enough with a day or two. And +4 C isn’t really what I call nice spring weather.
The old lady we’re helping gave me a silver jewelry set last Sunday necklace and a bracelet. She’s heavily decorated with jewelry herself, thick golden rings in her ears, multiple gold and silver bracelets and necklaces. And a huge ring.
My husband always wears he’s jewelry too, matching necklace and bracelet, nowdays he doesn’t wear errings. And my oldest boy wears earrings and necklace daily.
Me, I only have jewelries when I’m going somewhere, with golden colored plastic errings as an exception. Because I’m allergic to almost every except stainless steel, I prefer gold colored and most things gets in my way when I’m doing things.
We where talking about jewelry last Saturday, and the old lady asked if I didn’t have anything I could wear daily. I explained that I really don’t have it, and that I prefer it that way. But this is a stubborn lady, who owns a thrift store with mainly jewelries so she said she’ll get me some, as a Thank you for us helping her. I Thanked her and said that it was absolutely not needed. This Sunday she came back from her store with a beautiful Velvet box, with rhinestones on it. And in there it was a matching set with thick and heavy bracelet and necklace in a silver metal that looks almost white. She said it was hypo allergic stainless steel. I tried to give it back saying I loved it, but didn’t need it. To not hurt her feelings, but once again she’s stubborn so here I am now wearing this jewelry. Everyday for at least another month. It’s beautiful, I don’t want to be rude or ungrateful but it’s definitely not my style or color. So I’ll probably just wear it for her sake everytime we’re seeing each other when she’s moved to her new place.
I also got a new dress from my cousins, it has ruffles and looks like a sleevless short prairie dress. I love it, but needs to wear it with a cardigan because it’s so darn cold.
Tomorrow the old lady is taking us into town again, there was something she needed to hand in her car for fixing. And someone gave me a tip about max factors lipfinity lipstick, it’s supposed to stay on no matter what you do. So I’m going to see if I can find some.
Besides that, I’ve cleaned or basement for two days now. It’s so nice to be able to walk there again. I’ve been taking a lot of bike rides to the recycling with trash and a lot of bike rides with clothes and stuff to Goodwill. Unfortunately I’m not done yet, and the more I clean out, the more things I realize that I don’t need. A nice and calm feeling.
I hope your Tuesday is awesome.
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You can’t get to 300 days without going through 30, or 16 for that matter.
I don’t know you, but you seem pretty nice, and I am fairly confident that you would never dismiss someone else’s 30 days (or 16 days) as pathetic, so don’t do it to your own.
This is very much on my radar at the moment because it’s something that I do a lot, and I’m trying to address it. It seems easier to address it with a bit of sobriety in the bank. One of those slow burners which emerges after a couple of months.
Well done on your 16 days. Every single person here knows what an achievement that is. 
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Checking in. Last day of work before a few days off. I haven’t had weekend in long time, I’m really looking forward to have some rest. Last night passed without pain killers and I still haven’t taken any. Tomorrow the stitches will be removed from my gum and it will be over.
I feel lost and alone at the bottom of the rabbit hole. No substance to blind me. It’s weird, but I don’t have the urge to drink, I’m disenchanted. I know that it wouldn’t even give the illusion of having an exit. No matter what I do, I cannot avoid living my life.
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Recovery dharma call at 1pm today if you’re free 
P.s. great to see you back!
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Hi all. Can’t tell you how glad I am that I found this community. Started my journey to recovery yesterday so it’s my first full day today. Seems harder than when I’ve just ‘had a day off’ maybe just the thought of it bring permanent this time.
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Beautiful. I like your approach to these days. Took me to some deep places. Thank you.
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D 215
Forgot to set my alarm, so I woke up way too late and I’m still feeling drowsy. Got a new haircut, which I like a lot 
Spent a day without my phone doing simple fun stuff.
I wasn’t able give much value to little things and simple fun stuff while depressed and hurting. I’m beginning to see them in a different light nowadays. I’m learning to nurture my soul with beauty and gratitude because life is unpredictable. You never know when shit hits the fan. It’s a form of self compassion I think - giving myself a break and consolation.
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