This is it, its going to be the first time im out with drugs fully around, am i nervous about that not one bit… I am however crazy nervous on people staring at me, that panics me, people touching me and me being unapologetic for my direct/blunt way of communicating!
They’ve never seen me dressed, makeup and heels ha i would be the one with jeans and converse on dont get me wrong i love that attire but this is me showing how recovery has given me my self love and self worth that i lacked so much before…
I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
And I forgot to check how many sober days I have today. My husband is okay, he is back home again, it was angina (red flags or more like a pre warning for a heart attack) he’s got heart meds (nitroglycerin) that he’s supposed to take if it happens again.
He is supposed to avoid stress eat healthy, not smoke drink and get plenty of exercise. The no stress issues is probably the hardest one. The Swedish authority Försäkringskassan is giving him and his doctor a hard time about the sick pay he’s got the right to have. The doctor even labeled försäkringskassan as complete idiots and has been calling them repeatedly since Monday claiming that the economical stress issue only make things worse. Hopefully they’ll listen.
Meanwhile the social service have their investigation done, we’re supposed to sign it Tuesday. The mean social service lady called today and said that in their investigation things will sound more harsh then they really are. And if something happens to my husband tweenie shouldn’t have to be alone with me. Because according to her and her Mom me and tweenie have a conflict issue. And apparently I’m the bad guy in this story. Guess you’re always the villain in someone elses story. I haven’t read the papers yet so I don’t know what they will say about me. And I’m not sure I actually care either, because according to me and most of the other normal logical people out there m, trying to protect your kids and avoid getting killed or beating doesn’t count as being the bad guy or create issues.
But heck what do I know, apparently I’m the trouble maker.
Thank you everyone for the well wishes for my husband. I hope nothing more happens now. I’m currently looking for some kind of job so I can feel more secure if (God Forbid) something actually does happens to him. It seems almost impossible without a driver’s license, which I obviously can’t afford without a job. But someday karma might be on on side so I’ll keep looking.
Hey all, checking in on day 306. For some odd reason I had a drinking dream last night and I dreamt that I had a glass of wine. Even when I was actively drinking, I always hated wine. Super weird.
Anyway, still here and happily sober so here’s to another day! Have a great one everybody.
Today was a great day. As predicted , again, the devil whispered in my ear. I did not give in. I did not listen. I am still clean … Took myself out on a date to the movies in the city tonight. I had such a nice night… It was SO beautiful to walk around the city at night. I forget how beautiful our city is at night. I had my glasses on so I could actually see everything lol I took a lot of touristy photos of the city to show u guys how pretty my city is … Home now watching a new amazing movie on netflix " love and monsters" its great!!! Its at #1 here on our Netflix so its pretty popular tonight!!..this is my last weekend as a 40 yr old… I’m gonna enjoy it. The right way
Day 308 clean and sober today. Heading to the hospital in a couple hours to hopefully get this catheter removed. I’m going to stay optimistic and believe that everything will go smoothly and be ok. I hope everyone has a beautiful day today, love you guys!!!
Wow, your city really IS sooo beautiful @apes2020 and how cool!!! I LOVE going to the movies by myself! I hope you have a wonderful last weekend in your 40’s weekend, make sure to spoil the s**t out of yourself!!!
We kinda have like a mini Eiffel tower here lol. That blue structure, its at our art gallery, its lit up blue every night, I like to think its a mini effiel tower because in person it is just so pretty
OMG that is so amazingly beautiful!!! Definitely on my bucket list of places to visit. Thank you so much for sharing your city pics with us, it truly is a gorgeous place for sure!!!
Day 221: Feeling good! Taking care of myself well and it shows. Making plans for my cooking projects this weekend and the rest of my time, it makes a huge difference in any cravings to have my time planned out, especially on weekends. Even idle time planned in there. It’s just about being deliberate. I hope you all are hanging in there.
Question about nitro, is it pill or cream. If it’s cream you shouldnt come in contact with it. It can absorb through your skin and dilate your blood vessels…which would be bad for you. Just a little friendly advice…I hope your husband feels better…
It’s pills, I’ve never seen it in cream (or spray) outside the hospitals here. And I had no idea that you should avoid getting the cream on your skin. Thank you for the information.
He feels better thank you, but he is still really tired and we’re very careful.
… Took myself out on a date to the movies in the city tonight. I had such a nice night… It was SO beautiful to walk around the city at night. I forget how beautiful our city is at night. I had my glasses on so I could actually see everything lol 
I took a lot of touristy photos of the city to show u guys how pretty my city is 
!!
