As of 6pm tonight , covid restrictions are being re implemented. There is a new outbreak ( only 5 cases) so we are now back to wearing masks again. But more importantly, my OTP class has been closed in person and has been moved to zoom indefinitely.
I am very disappointed this has happened. I am just settling into my momentum with my weekly routine with going to class. Now I can’t go. I will have to get use to zoom and I won’t have the same experience I’m predicting.
Our government is insane. My theory for this THIRD out break and inpending lock Down is that the government is doing it to scare people into getting vaccinated. A large percentage of our state is not vaccinated and I think this is a stunt to give our population the push they need to get vaccinated.
I dont know yet what’s happening at my work yet. No idea if I’m to go in tomorrow or not. Waiting on an email.
Frustrated!
And masks in gyms/Pilate’s are once again mandatory. Uhhhhh I cant do Pilate’s or work out with a mask on. So it will be at home YouTube work outs indefinitely again.
That covid thing must be really frustrating. Sorry to hear that. Just 5 cases and they’re locking down. Wow! I almost kind of don’t blame them. I always wish we had been stricter over here. But not much you can do about it. My wife and I been going to the Y 3 days a week. She does the spin bike and I do the weight machines. We have to wear a mask and make appointments and wipe everything down. I didn’t want to hassle with that but I’m glad I did. There’s hardly anyone using the weight rooms. It’s nice and quiet. I find wearing the mask is no big deal during my workout. Not sure how I would feel in a group setting doing Pilates though.
Anyway… glad your clean.
Serenity prayer now
I know you you’ll find your way. Good to let your frustrations out here. Hopefully your OTP won’t be closed down too long. I hate zoom.
Stopped on 21.03.2022 off to another meet AA today please god let it sink in this time ffs ha i am so tired of it … kept busy but realise i cannot do this alone now …2022-06-02T23:00:00Z
I forgot to check in yesterday at day 12 because I was so busy. A good problem to have as the business completely negated any cravings or thoughts that I may drink.
Today is day 13 and I have another busy one. A few things I’ve noticed…my usual routine of dropping off empty cans in secret at the mobile recycling centre changed. When I drove home twice last week from my usual route and didn’t need to go there, I smiled…WIDE! A little in shame but then realised its gone and shame and regret for the past is dumb. Every single time I went there and dropped them off, I dealt with the shame by telling myself, with 100% conviction (I can’t express how much I thought I really meant it) that I’d never do it again. I must have done it 100 times…
Also, before when I was sneaking alcohol, every time my wife called or text me, a wave of anxiety hit me thinking I had missed hiding a beer can or shed found the ones I didn’t have the opportunity to hide. Now whe she calls me, I just get excited to hear from her! You know- like a regular person!! And now I talk to her honestly about my cravings, my thoughts process, our relationship has gone from good (but lies about alcohol) to amazing. I’m so grateful I’ve realised this as the guilt from lieing to her was strong.
Honestly these are just 2 things out of 10 or more I’ve noticed this last 11 days.
Day 21 For weeks we have lots and lots of rain in the Netherlands. My outside garden is very happy with that, but the young vegetables I have sowed have to stay inside until its getting warmer and dryer (see picture). We had a couple of days where the sun came out, the terraces are open again and the sight of that made me trigger. So I’m happy to strengthen myself a little bit longer and no one asked me to drink outside yet because of the shitty weather
Coffee. I’ve got a chill week ahead as the only day I have to work till Monday is Friday. Indeed I am tired of the rain @Sanuk but I know our country needs it after the drought we had the last three summers. So let’s do some more indoors activities today. Going to visit the oldest -and my favourite- building in town, the aptly named Oude Kerk, for the first time in a year or so. And do a workout in the gym after. I’m very grateful both are possibilities again. Also do some homework for therapy. And cook myself some good food later. As well as I’ll stay sober and clean. Just for today. Have a good day all, or at least as good as you all can. Love from Amsterdam where the storms and the rain do make for some pretty skies, like here at work yesterday.
It’s got me right where it wants me. I know better then to feed it. But yet I do, plz come back mike. I know I’m stronger than this. My daughter was driving by as I was leaving on my Harley yesterday, just waving with this big ole smile so proud of her daddy, the other day when she woke up for school she told my mom she wants to be smart just like daddy when she grows up and to be able to draw and do tattoos like me. My heart broke when I seen her waving yesterday. I’m thinking I should probably step away for a little bit, im not much good for this forum lately, I’m more of a trigger then anything.
You’re here for you and we all here for you too Mike. As well as you are here for us all as we are here for ourselves too. That’s how it works and that’s why it works. We’re in this together. Don’t go. We need you. As I think you need us. It’s a struggle at times but together, all of us together, we can win. Hugs and love friend.
I can say for sure that you’re not a trigger, Mike. I’m white-knuckling at the moment, too - but I know, like you do, that the intensity comes and goes depending on our circumstances. I’m trying to ride it out in the hope that I’ll feel as positive about things as I know I have in the past. I’ve seen you being positive about it too. It’ll come back around if we just hang in there.
And don’t forget that it’s still in your system. Don’t make a decision with a foreign substance in your system - otherwise it isn’t you making the decision.
Checking in on my 15th day of sobriety. Haven’t checked in for a while but I’m doing great
Been going to meetings and learning a lot about addiction/sobriety but also how much there is to work on other parts of me and my personality. Something I didn’t think that I would get from AA but that I really enjoy both at the meetings, reading literature (AA and other books on the subject) and talking to my sponsor!
I think everyone, with or without addiction would benefit from going through some type of program focusing on themself and trying to get to know and understand yourself and your behavior better. Becoming more aware and actively working on become a better person.
Just my opinion, it would be a lousy sobriety forum if we only talked about when things were going well. I am happy to listen to your struggles, and I hope people will listen to mine.
Day 10 - little victory here.
Turning into the passionate woman I was before drinking (read: very thin line between laughing, crying and a rage party ).
Birthdays coming up this week that I have to attend. Honestly getting nervous about it, so making a plan now to keep myself on track.
Checking in to say thank you to all of you who replied with support last night! I am so grateful and while I’ll be taking mom to an appt today I will he focusing on breathing exercises, being fueled up with nutrition, and water and reading things I enjoy so that I am taking care of myself too. I hope everyone has a great sober day!
Stepping away is the last thing you should be doing right now. Addiction wants to isolate us, destroy us. Time to fight Mike, fight for your daughters, fight for your life.
if you can work out with a mask on then I guess I can lol. I will attempt and see how I feel.
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