Wow…Just, wow. What an accomplished woman. It must be so inspiring knowing someone like that! Sounds like a great activity for Memorial Day weekend, when so much else is focused on drinking this time of year.
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I’d love to try it! But here in Belgium the North Sea waves are no surfing waves haha
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Yes I’m finding other people very irritable and I’m learning to hold my breath longer. 
Cheers though I know what you mean 
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Well, unfortunately it’s not a good, inner piece building need, but a “let’s push everyone away, because I need them so fucking much” kind of an isolation, and I know that it’s not good for my health.
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Welcome!! What a wonderful place you stumbled upon. So glad you’re here and I’m really looking forward to being a part of your journey. Congrats on 5 days!!! 
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This. Every single word. I love you 
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Oh boy 
No, not good. Here is what is good though. You actually realize you’re doing it. Most people do that without any self awareness. Although it still feels like shit, it’s a step in the right direction. So, try this. Try being very specific with what you need from people. Write it down for you first, so that you really connect with what that is. Then the hard part, you have to use your words and be specific about what you need from people. Fight that urge to isolate and push people away. It’s not easy, but your worthy of love and worthy of healing. Keep opening up here, it’s a safe place. I wish I could reach through my phone and make it all better. I’m grateful for you being here. 
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Sounds like a great time. You can do this. Your doing something you love AND sober which is the best part. In the moment. In the present. Making memories you can remember 
I love the ocean. Favorite place to be. But on the shore lol. Don’t mind on a boat. Not no surfing never done or never will. Too afraid a shark is going to eat me lol
My old boss loved to surf. Would go down to Mexico. Knew all the technicalities about surfing. Didn’t know it was that sophisticated lol
He and I would always get in these tongue in cheek arguments about how safe it is to surf compared to being eaten by a shark. I said I’m from the Jaws generation. That movie traumatized me for life lol.
I’m happy on the beach. Sober. Have fun man!!! And congrats on 34 
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414 today. Feeling great today. Just did final walk through of new house and now to finish packing. New beginnings are a good thing.
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Wow. What a powerful post…and this phrase. Pretty deep. Even though I had a career of more than 30 years I always looked forward to that day when I would make a decision to be clean as I have now, meaning I’m leaving alcohol behind. No more. Each day sober is a win. I don’t want to think or give any attention to that disease.
Your analogy really struck me and it makes sense. These are the reasons for all the Day 1s I’ve had. This is the reason why relapsing is worse every time then the last time. Dam. I’ll never forget that phrase. It’ll definitely help me keep me in check.
Sorry for all the loss you’ve been through. Hang in there man. 
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Checking in at the end of day 146.
Love it.
Have a great sober day, wherever you are.
Goodnight. 
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Sorry I fell off again. Starting Day 1, again, tomorrow. Just feeling 
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366.55
So, not even sure where to start with my appreciation. @Clarity, I totally had to save your post because it means so much that you actually made something personal for me. So glad to know and love you! @Its_me_Stella you are so funny with the award. A great 2nd place 
for you 
But as always, you went above and beyond to make me feel special. You know how much I love you and how special to me you are too. @Lisa07 same here, I love you and so grateful to have you as a friend on this beautiful journey @Becsta I’m so glad, like so glad you’re back her just in time for my special day. I’m glad you’re back and glad to have comfort that we won’t lose touch again @Englishd I really appreciated your reply. We definitely don’t see eye to eye, but we are here for the same reason. I’ve seen a lot of change and growth in you this past year, and I even turned off ignore 
It means a lot to me that you congratulated me, so thank you
Ugh, I know I can tag only so many people and I don’t want to leave a single person out. Everyone who liked and/or replied, made me feel extremely special. This was better than a Facebook birthday! I’m a bit overwhelmed and hope I do ok with this post. Every single one of you is important to my sobriety. This place is so special to me.
Thank you! @RosaCanDo @Misokatsu @Charlie_C @DLS @Olivia
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And continued thanks
@apes2020 @AyBee @Nordique @Rockstar24777 @SoberWalker @anon74766472 @Squirt @LeeHawk @Mno @Chosen2001
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And…
@Dazercat @CATMANCAM @Joy @Mbwoman @icebear @M-be-free49
If I missed anyone, I am soo so sorry. So many of you said things that just blew my mind a d not only feel special, but worthy. Finding this forum has changed my life. I guess I just don’t think I have to words to express how much you all mean to me and how much your kinds words mean to me. Thank you all
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Thank you! It actually helped me to realize, that I address my needs to the wrong person. Almost all of my relationships have broken apart in some ways in the last few years, the friendship with my best friend is the only fix point. As she is the only one who loves me as a friend almost unconditionally, I need her unconditional love that I don’t get from my parents. As she’s the only one who treats me as a man, I need her romantic love that I don’t get from my spouse. And as my closest friend, I need her friendly love that I don’t get from my non-existing friends. But because of these additional needs we are in different levels, so when she gives me friendship I feel let down. She can’t and shouldn’t fill the void others left in me and I feel bad for putting such burden onto our relationship. And also I hate being abandoned so I have this urge to do it myself before others take that step.
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@RosaCanDo thank you for that piece of wisdom, I will send an email 
@Dolse71 congrats on 250 days 
@AyBee congrats on 750 days
@M-be-free49 congrats on all the 3s and that sneaky 4!
@Clarity follow your passion
@Soundlab sending strength 
@Newlife5 welcome and congrats on 5+ days
@Its_me_Stella very valuable post, sorry that you’ve lost so many 
@Tomek I often feel similar when I start to feel close to people and haven’t managed to break that cycle of self-sabotage, so can’t offer any advice, but I’m sending love
292 days no alcohol.
260 days no cocaine.
15 days no binge-eating.
I had the worst relapse nightmare I’ve had so far last night. I never want to feel how it made me feel Then boom came thoughts that I could moderate with alcohol now, these thoughts don’t have any power over me, because I’ve believed their lies so many times that I truly and profoundly learnt that that’s all they will ever be, lies.
I managed to book a last minute gym induction before my swim today, I just did a total of 30 mins cardio over 3 machines, my pains all flared up, and now my back is killing. I’m going to persevere in the hope that my body will slowly adapt to the new stuff I’m making it do Swimming was extra nice after breaking a bit of a sweat in the gym.
Next to the gym there is a coffee place called Costa, not sure if it’s a UK based company but anyway, I decided to treat myself to an iced coffee, it was really nice but when I got home I googled how many calories it had and it was over 400! 
So I marked that down as my lunch and didn’t eat a ready meal. Thankfully it’s now time to eat a meal again as I’ve been hungry ever since.
I hope you’re all having enjoyable weekends
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Of course!
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Day 26
Still good here. Hubby wants to invite a couple who are real wine lovers. He asked me how I feel about that and if there was a chance I will join them drinking just 1 glass. Without a doubt I said ‘no’ and I feel like I can handle it when they come over for dinner. I was so glad he discussed it with me, now I know he takes it seriously. I was in the same situation before, only then 1 of them didn’t drink as well.
And today there was a huge bouncy castle for a kids party from a neighbor on a play field, right behind our garden. It attracted kids from our neighborhood with their parents and after a while we offered them chairs and my husband gave them beer. It was a very spontaneous moment It was really nice and I don’t think someone noticed I didn’t drink. I feel so confident now and I feel some pride I beat this! I don’t have the feeling I can share this euphoria with someone I know. So happy to share this with you guys.
Wishing you all a wonderful evening and sleep well!
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Oh man, that is a lot and pretty heavy stuff. Lots to work through there. When I can’t or shouldn’t tell people how I feel, I journal about it or tell someone safe. It takes some of that darkness off it. It’s safe here and I’m so sorry, that’s a tough situation.
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