Ha. Yes. Maybe I should just get a grip. Maybe I’m thinking a bit TOO much of myself if I think that people care whether I notice their milestone, or not. 
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Checking in on day 76 x
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Big whoop !!!
Happy foto for my check-in with your milestone in my thaughts.
I’ll be back later @ my topic and give An open invite to everybody asking questions, sharing own experiances or giving feedback or Just love and support.
Be safe ts clan ! I missed you all
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Checking in, day 237. I’m a bit upset, I feel as if a lot of stuff are spinning out of control. It is the third time in a few months when there is a threat of a possible attack against a school/kindergarten here. There are policemen standing in front of the building, this whole situation is pretty much unsettling.
I’m also worried about the kids because they will stay at their grandparents’ for a month starting this weekend. We have been so closed during the lockdown, I have been used to be around them all the time. I know that my parents can take care of them but I’m still irrationally anxious.
A few month ago my son started to make unintentional grimaces and blinking and it got a lot more frequent nowadays. The doctor said it’s not tourette, nor an eye-problem, but some psychological stuff caused by stress. She said it can be positive stress (like going to the kindergarten after half year of lockdown at home), but I’m afraid it’s his fear of losing his mother. He still carries and hugs my pijama shirt, although he stopped saying he was going to miss me.
Today is our 9th wedding anniversary. A bit sad, as we don’t know how many more there will be if any. We spent a great time together, but it feels like we run into a dead end. I try not to blame myself for it, unsuccessfully so far. But for today I focus on the good side, the memories and our short term plans for the near future.
Also relapsed on smoking a few days ago after a month. I will start the timer in a few days, but not before I meet my friend, I’m not yet ready to meet her substance-free.
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Hello guys ! After many relapses ( alcohol and gambling) … I am back here on day one …
I am so ashamed of this , and also worried .
Self esteem is totally under the feet , and I am worried that I won’t be able to brake the circle this time !
Anyway I want to try with all of myself again .
I am still attending to AA meeting 2/3 times a week but of course there is something wrong on my attitude.
Anyway … want to try again with all of my energy.
Thanks for your comprehension, hugs
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Day 1
I think I’m finally sick of lying to myself and ready to stop this relapse. My heart feels so full with gratitude to those who have helped me work through this privately. Thank you for your compassion. It’s 3 am here, I’m tired, my body is exhausted, but I’ve woken up sober and I’m finally ready to get back to work on my recovery. What a dark time this has been.
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Hope you’re ok, I’m only a few days in this time so that’s all I can offer. Take care.
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Go for it !!!
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Hey, well your kind words mean a lot so thank you. Addiction is a very lonely place for me… I withdraw, I isolate. Having a community of people like you is such a gift. Thank you.
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Day 6 sober. Someone told me: “I don’t need your prayers “ I felt hurt but now I’m ok. I offered what works for me but I understand others. I must not taken things personally
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Hey Alfa. I feel your pain but remember this is not your fault and negative self views make it more likely to relapse. I am on day 4 again but for the first time ever it feels different. I have been blessed with finding a sponsor who I can really relate to and trust and it is through their guidance and support I am on day 4. Talk to your sponsor and if you haven’t got one then join an online meeting and ask for help. Stay strong and believe in yourself - you’ve got this!
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HAPPY SOBER ANNIVERSARY! 
Blessings and sobriety!
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Checking in on day 381, I hope everyone has a good one!
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- Coffee. Last shift of my 5 days workweek coming up. Which is a bit odd BC I only work 4 days a week. Well, on average. Will be off for 4 days after. I’m a bit tired from last night’s shift where one chronic psychotic lady kept yelling at me, another bipolar manic one kept picking fights with other residents and causing general mayhem in the common room, and a third lady who’s going through a swift mental decline appears to have some serious physical illness now and won’t eat and hardly drinks. And then there was also a bit of upheaval here. Which I try to stay out of when I’m working but I find it impossible to totally exclude TS when working.
Anyhow. All this doesn’t affect my sobriety. At all. In fact I’m baffled by the lies alcohol used to tell me -lies I believed- that after a night like the last one I just absolutely NEEDED to drink to unwind. I NEEDED to go to the bar and have at least 4 “headbutts” ( a beer and a jenever together) in quick succession, or be sure to have bottles of booze to come home to and drink myself into a coma, waking up groggy and headached and in a foul mood the next morning.
So glad to don’t believe that lie no more. I unwinded by cuddling with Luna a bit and watch some sports I missed while working. Got in bed and slept a healthy sleep. Woke up fine this morning. Sober and clean. One day at a time. Drinking: never again. We can all do it. Together. Thanks for being here all. It helps. Don’t try it alone. Alone it’s too much. Together we can do this. Love from Luna and me.
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- Work is going to suck. But, I got a job…10 hours I will be home.
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Congrats on the job!! Hope it is a great one that you enjoy.
Wow, Joy! I can’t even count that high. 
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